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I live with with my elderly mother who has become extremely attached to me to the point that I cannot close my bedroom door..I must must keep my door half ajar. G-d forbid if I close the door entirely she will huff and puff and carry on and then go and slam her own bedroom door as if to say, "take that!" I feel so suffocated and am actually afraid to shut my door for fear of her reaction. It has become a crime to close my door. Anyone going through this, too?

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I'm new to the party. I realized yesterday that my mom has this disorder when I went out to a social function for 4 hours and she called me 4 times during the last 30 minutes of it. I didn't hear the phone and was just saying my goodbyes. When I called her she was angry that I didn't answer earlier and demanded that I come home because she needs me that she is dizzy. I told her I was en route and if she's that bad and can't wait the 15 minutes for me that she'll need to call 911. When I got to the driveway the neighbor came over to tell me that she called him earlier and he looked in on her. For years she's been taking Ativan ( I think she's addicted to it) and has 2 spinal fractures as of 3 weeks ago, for the pain she takes tramadol. She's been in constant pain but it is a slow recovery. She also is has heart disease for which she takes meds for. I have moved in to help her. I had to take a leave from work. I think the tramadol is making her confused but she does need pain relief. The tramadol also causes OIC which sometimes is the focus of her day. Did I mention she's always been a hypochondriac? From the time I was 12, her health and valvular heart disease has been the topic of conversation hence attention. This is tough. Now I hear sentiments coming from her that she doesn't think she'll make it. So there's so much going on. Sorry it's all over the place. I couldn't pick one subject on the title line since it all is intertwined .This is therapeutic to write about it.
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Hate to be the barer of bad news folk but it only gets worse. As the dementia increases they will feel even more lost without you. I now sleep in the same room as my Mother due to her need to go all "Wolfgang Puck" on me in the middle of the night. I keep one burner knob on the shelf above the stove now. The mid night munchies and Altzheimers is not a good combonation.
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The attachment thing is very annoying to me also. My Mother focuses so much on me I feel that I live in a fish bowl at times. How ironic that I used to crave her attention but she was not that interested in me when I was a child. Funny how people that are not in the situation talk about "boundaries." I agree we need boundaries but really how many toddlers have boundaries. The only solution that gives me a little peace is I really try not to take it personally. I ignore when she stares at me now, I do close my door when I need privacy and have gotten a little bit used to her following me from room to room. I just take it one day at a time and do lots of prayer.
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I just had to let you know that you are not the only one experiencing this. I know, first hand, just how frustrating it is. You simply have no life whatsoever. An example for me was yesterday, when I had to go to the laundromat to wash my husband's work clothes. I was gone long enough to drive there, wash the clothes, grab a pizza (that I had already called in) and run in to the grocery store for some cat food. For me that was quick! She aggrevated my husband to death wanting to know where I was. I even explained to her where I had to go and what I had to do. She is to the point where every answer is "I don't know", "I don't remember" or you can tell from her expression, she has no clue!
So we have been dealing with this bathroom issue for a few weeks now when she goes to bed. She is usually in bed by 6 of an evening and usually doesn't get up until 2 in the afternoon. I give her her 2 fluid pills when she gets up and she may go once or twice until bedtime. I guarantee you that within 15 min after she goes to bed she is up peeing and then my husband noticed that she is looking out her bedroom door for me. So we watched last night and it was every 15 to 30 minutes and each time she came to her door and a few times she even came out in the family room mumbling something we couldn't understand. So as we were getting ready to go to bed my husband turned out the lights and the TV was still on here she comes and she comes out looking for me int he dark, but we were standing in the kitchen and she had a light in her room. I was leaning towards a UTI, but now I think it is a case of just "nosiness" . My husband said, you know she is attached to you, don't you? My response was, whatever gave you that idea, because I can't even move without being followed or questioned! I AM AT WITS END!!
Oh, and when I got up this morning, her door was slammed shut because I always leave it open so I can hear her or if she needs help. I always keep it cracked, if it is closed so the cat can get in to her litter pan in the bathroom. Thank heavens she has another alternate route! She is soooooooo jealous of my cat, also!
I am absolutely mentally, physically and financially drained and have NO idea which way to turn. Seems no one understands, except one friend who is going through the same thing as I am.
I am such an outside person and I love it. She has lived with us for 2 1/2 yrs and this year is going to be worse than ever when the weather gets better because of her new found "attachment" to me.
My heart goes out to you because I know exactly what you are going through. A solution, I have none! Prayer and this site is the only thing I know to do. I have never been so "down in the dumps" in my life. I need to get a paying job to help out with expenses where my husband's hours have been cut back. It seems like I am totally falling apart at 57. I was doing so good. Don't know if I can ever snap out of it. Each day I think, now I am going to change things and look to the positive side, but it doesn't take very long until all good hopes of anything are dashed.
I love my Mom dearly, and she is really not a problem to take care of except once in awhile, when we have some problems. It is the attachment thing that is getting worse. It is like my Mom's body, but Mom isn't in it! Which makes it worse. I hope this helps you to know you are not alone in this situation. I wish you the best and will be saying lots of prayers for you, along with mine. I hope someone can give us some advice that will help out. Please don't hesitate to offer any kind, except in my case, there is no way anyone could come in and stay with her and give me a break, because she would aggrevate them to death and they would never come back. It's that bad! Please help! Thanks!
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She's still slamming her door the moment I close mine. The tension and the dramatics here is so overwhelming. Woe is me..
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I am in a similar situation. My husband 80yrs old will not let me leave the home
without him. We are together 24/7 ...I have no social life.
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Thanks so much, ladies :) Could you believe I told a family member about this and she said "That's too bad..keep it open then! You can close your door at night when you go to sleep!" No regard for what I'm going through. It is disturbing the way mom reacts. I feel like I need to get the mindset of a psychiatrist..what would he/she do? I have this idea maybe I can put a pretty picture or poster on my door..she loves kittens and puppies..so when she walks by my door she will see them..instead of a closed door...
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user70, this is a distressing situation. I sounds like your mother has lost the sense of boundaries between you and her. You have a right to your privacy, so go ahead and close the door. Maybe after she gets used to the door being closed at certain times, it will not bother her anymore. Caregivers often lose sight of how important they are and put the needs of the other person as far more important. However, we have our own needs, too. Your need for some privacy sounds like an important basic need to me, so don't be afraid to close the door. If your mother says anything just tell her calmly that you are sorry that your need for some privacy is so upsetting to her. Everybody needs privacy sometimes.

Sometimes I find humor helps. I just thought of how I would probably handle it if my mother commented on my door being closed. I have rabbits that I share my two rooms with. I would just tell her my rabbits and I had to have privacy to secretly plot dominion of the world. Saying silly things sometimes helps, because they are non-confrontational and can't be taken seriously.
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Her huffing and puffing and slamming her door isn't really dangerous, is it?

Poor Mom. It must be hard to be so anxious so much of the time. What if you got a baby monitor. Show her how it works and that you can hear here from your bedroom, even with the door closed. All she has to do is call your name and you can come help her. This MIGHT be reassuring enough to calm some of her anxiety and let you close your door without dramatics.
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