Mom has a hearing loss of 47%, how do I get her to use her hearing aid when she refuses?

@Chicago1954
My 95 year old Mom has had hearing aids for about 18 months now. She refused to get them for a long time saying that others she knew who had them didn't like them. Having them has made her life and ours so much better! I think what finally convinced her to try them was when my husband's mother and sister were visiting and she felt they had ignored her. I explained that they weren't ignoring her, they just knew that she couldn't hear them and didn't want to yell out everything they were saying.

For the phone, we have a Clarity W425 Pro. Then I plug in a corded earbud with microphone and put that in her good ear. She is able to carry on a conversation on the phone with this set up. Just using the phone alone doesn't work for her due to her head and hand tremors. She can't hold the phone still enough to be able to hear.

Best wishes with your Mom. If you're in the Chicago area, I would highly recommend Dr Jing at the Hearing Health Center on Raymond in Naperville. He was awesome with my Mom and her head tremor didn't bother him a bit. :)

I read all of these stories with great interest. Have any of you had any experience with trying to talk to the HOH on the telephone? Have you had any success with amplified phones or the ones that print out the message?

My mother cannot hear us, even if we are sitting feet away. I have given up trying to carry on a conversation with her.

I would try talking to her in questions rather than statements. For instance, say mom whats going to happen when the fire alarm goes off and you can't hear it? why does it bother you to wear a hearing aid? If she says because I dont need one, say well the doctor has told you that you do so why is it that you don't believe him? When you ask questions it's not as confrontational and she should take it better than telling her something and trying to make her do something. If that doesn't work then maybe try making her write a tally every time she says pardon me for one day and then say just to compare lets put your hearing aid in just for one day and have her tally how many times she says pardon with it in. Tell her that after those 2 days, if she doesn't say pardon me with her hearing aid out more times than with it in than you won't bug her about wearing it. Ask her to prove you wrong. Say it very sweet though not in a smartellic way. haha.

Realtime, I had no idea all of that was involved in wearing a hearing aid. Maybe that's why my mother won't get one -- she has very bad arthritis. Usually she DOES have her reasons, but she doesn't like to tell people what they are. Also, it could be the cost. My mother used to work at one of those hearing aid places that runs the big ads in the newspaper -- maybe she thinks they're a load of crap. Well, I get really exhausted repeating myself around her. I wish she knew how much!!!

I have hearing loss as well. It's not significant at this point, but starting to be noticable. My mother wears hearing aids from the moment she gets up until she goes to bed at night. Why haven't I? Simple. Cost. I go with my mother when she goes in to hers adjusted, when she goes to the audiologist, and when she had to have one replaced because the dog ate it. Replacement cost for one? $2500. She was lucky, she had insurance that covered part of that cost. But I certainly cannot afford to pay $5000 for hearing aids. Not gonna happen. My husband is working, but I've been unemployed and staying at home taking care of Mom for almost 3 years now. We get by, but don't have money for that kind of expense. We have health insurance, but it doesn't cover hearing aids. I've thought about those hearing amplification systems you can get online for a couple hundred bucks, but frankly, I'm afraid it's only going to make my hearing loss worse. My husband has very sensitive hearing, so my mother and I both use the tv ears to watch tv, that way my husband can keep it at a reasonable level for him (which is almost inaudible for most humans.

Deb, I just had to laugh! "I don't want to" is the all-purpose sure-fire discussion-stopper, isn't it? Getting out of someone WHY they don't want to in hopes that there will be some myth you can bust for them is a very difficult endeavor. I can't tell you how many times we had to go there with my Mom - sometimes she was in pain and would not tell unless you asked EXACTLY the right way. Once, it was pretty serious, she was screaming out at night and they thought it was just usual for her, but I knew it wasn't...she got some medical attention that didn't turn up much of anything...and she finally ended up in a local emergency room, where she finally revealed that she just thought the place was dark and spooky and it got her scared. Moving to a new place solved the problem, but unfortunately the ER visit determined she'd actually had a small heart attack. I've had families refuse to get wheelchairs even though they are carrying a 50+ pound child nearly everyhwere, because they think getting a wheelchair causes someone to stop walking, and not the other way around. I suppose the trick is to somehow reduce the apparent threatening nature of the whole thing and then maybe you might get the answer, e.g., "Mom, you never have to get a hearing aid if you don't want one - but hey, just curious, why don't you want one?? I'd really doubt lack of motivation or lack of caring would be the issue from what you describe. I wish you the best!

My mother wears her hearing aids since her closest friend laid down the law. This friend has had part of a lung removed and it makes it hard for her to speak loudly. She told my mother she would have to limit her visits to 10 to 15 minutes as long as my mother refused the hearing aids, because it exhausted her to shout. My mother was shocked to realize that she was inconveniencing other people, and when it was put that way, her good manners took over. Now she wears the hearing aids every day. It's a blessing to us all.

By the way: as mother ages, it's harder and harder for her to do manual tasks that require coordination. The staff at her ALF now put the hearing aids in for her every morning, recharge the batteries at night, and so on. She really couldn't do it herself but hated to admit it If you can convince your parent to let someone help, it may make the difference.

"...speaking loudly and repeatedly triggers the anger hormone..." this so very well captures what's been happening around here with my mom and me and my family. I finally squeezed it out of my mom the reason she won't pursue getting info about a hearing aid, and hopefully actually getting and wearing one...she doesn't want to. Could it be that simple, maybe there's just no reason (like cost, some kind of embarrassment, denial, other people's bad experiences, lack of motivation to hear, etc.)? She just doesn't want to be bothered? She doesn't care to hear? She seems to because she asks us to repeat everything including things in conversations that she is not part of! Her 94 year old sister is on her 2nd one, and though she says she hears my mom, my mom says she doesn't! Do you see why I am going crazy here? LOL God help us. :)

Wow, after reading all these comments I realize there are a lot of us who have a elder family member that will NOT wear there hearing aid no matter how many ways you approach it. We have TRIED every way I have read here, and more. My 89 Year old mother with Alzheimer's always says "if you people respected me, you would just speak up a little" all the while we are screaming if she has the TV on, cause she has it so loud, and when we turn it off its like taking a 500 lb weight off our shoulder so we only have to talk so loud that you would offend only the closest neighbors. Some else mentioned this I think, but when I have to yell my faciail expressions and tone are different, so my mom asks my wife" why is he always so irritated" and that's partly cause of the Alzheimer and not remembering from one minute to the next. She gets so mad when we ask her to consider hearing aids that she says we are picking on her and gets up and leaves the room. Keep in mind, she needed then 20 years ago, and we bought 2 different pair that were the best money could buy at the time , and she only wore them on like one family occasion and then stopped. I love my mom, and so does my wife, and we need her to live with us cause she was living with my brother who "lives off her" and has never left home at age 54, and bleeds her monthly pension check dry and bounces checks and all that kinda stuff. So we brought her to our house, but she asks constantly, "when am I going home" . even though she cant remember much short term, her own home is all "habit' an she knows where everything is there from being there so long. My brother is a "Natural SCREAMER YELLER" and thinks if he does that to everyone in conversation he can control the outcome and get his way. This is great for my mom, cause she can always here him as he does nothing but yell all day, every day.
My wife and I pray to God every day that he will help us with all these issues, cause I just want my mom to live out her life the best way we can help her do that. We actually have a lot of fun and laugh alot , but we have to yell in order for her to here. I have to go , but thank all of you for posting your stories, as I will be back....regards,

Karen - you are not being selfish at all. Your mom is blessed to have you. She probably does not have the cognitive energy or reserve to process a lot more conversation even if you could do it. 50 db is not that bad, but aids are usually indicated, and if its up to 60 or 70 now, that's pretty rough with or without.

The only practical things I can think of to help, which you are probably already doing, are to make sure background noise is minimal, if its the usual sensorineural loss greater for high frequencies, lower your pitch a little ("cheerleader voice") though that is pretty difficult and can seem unnatural, and if she gives any indication of getting parts of what you say, only repeat the words she did not get. I have one female colleague at work who has a low voice naturally, and if she's dictating or talking on the phone, it just about drowns out anyone else I am trying to hear, like our soft-spoken young female residents. And I thought of the last one because my son typically repeats the whole thing, even the part I repeat back to him that I got, and by the time he has done that, forgets to say the part I missed any differently. I sometimes get exasperated having to explain over and over why it is the wrong approach and reminding him "I got everything but the last word, Michael" - at which point, still being a teenager at heart though he's 20 he will usually YELL the whole thing making it even less intelligble...then I get to go "OK. OK, that last word - it sounded like [blather] and I know you said something else - why don't you just spell it?" And of course spelling will not likely work when someone has dementia. My mom had stopped reading too, even large print, so we did not have that option either.

I was very sad as my mom lost abilities too - at first it was baffling why she quit doing so many things she used to love despite the "reasons" she had for it, (e.g. "I hate bingo" and "there's nothing any good on" TV) but when she did not "want" to look at grandkid pictures anymore it broke my heart because it was a loss of the one way to make her happy that I had always relied on so much, and I had to realize it was cortical vision loss from her strokes. About the only thing we had left was going out to eat...occasionally she would enjoy a holiday or patriotic music program or a push through the garden.

So , you are absolutely right to save your voice and your energy for the simple, important stuff. This is a hard and sad road. You know how they say "if life gives you lemons..." well, It was like trying to squeeze enough juice out of dried out ones to make lemonade. We did our best at it, and I can tell you are doing yours too! HUGS.

Another update: Sadly, mom now has moderate to severe dementia. Before she used to ask us to repeat EVERYTHING we said, so she could hear it. She still continues to ask us to repeat, but it's a little less now., Truthfully, I think that's because her hearing has gotten even worse so she may not even hear me speak sometimes.

I feel sad for all of the conversations that she could have heard, but didn't allow herself to. She knew she was hard of hearing, but always refused to believe that it was bad enough for a hearing aid. Does that make sense to any of you? She has 50% hearing loss. Pretty significant.

She lives with me now and is a fall risk as well. I need to monitor her every movement to make sure she uses the walker, or she will fall. I have trained myself to face her (so she can see my lips) and speak loudly. I love my mother very much but I don't have the patience (on top of everything else I do for her) to repeat, repeat, repeat any more. I don't talk to her as much as I do to a person of normal hearing because I just can't repeat everything twice.

If only she had put away her pride and put on her hearing aid.

Hopefully I'm not coming off as selfish. If you think I am you repeat every thing you say twice today and see how exhausting it is. Then continue to do that for the next twenty plus years!!

I make sure to say to her every day that I love her. And I am proud to say that quite loudly!!

Thanks, "Nev!" It really is stressful, and the person who just WON'T (won't even try) do the hearing aid thing really is being inconsiderate though they don't realize it or think of it that way.

It may be that cognitively they can't grasp how hard they are making things or are losing perspective; the last comment could be a sour grapes type of thing. Is there any chance that writing things down instead of talking could help? I do remember how fatiguing it was to have to talk real loud and still get yelled at for "mumbling" - and how funny it would be when normal-hearing people came in and I'd forget to turn down my voice volume for them. I guess it was a good thing Mom never quite realized the extent of her problem because she liked for conversations to be private, and I suspect pretty much the whole wing could hear us.

Our music director and fellow musicians at church know about my hearing problem - years ago I actually brought in my audiogram to show them, so they realized it was not just "not listening" when I could not tell I was too soft (funny you'd think you'd end up too loud, but you sound way louder to yourself than other people sound to you) and they don't mind just hand-signaling when my volume perception is off now. But i do get asked if I am wearing my "ears" when I'm needing to ask anyone to repeat anything!! I usually am, and I always tell the truth on that (the aids I have are BTW with a slim tubes and just about invisible, so I COULD get away with lying :-) But I just had a couple really good hearing days where I was not doing too badly even without the aids, and with them I felt I was hearing close to normal - I really enjoyed it! I could even hear the monitor a little while singing in choir. Tell mom a friend says they are worth trying even if they don't work great all the time. :-)

And - hugs - you are sure going through a rough time with everything. It does not sound like anyone close to you is giving you any support, and they are all clueless that you need a little, instead of just being the one giving to them all the time.

I am so grateful to have found this site. It's a subject seen on other message boards but so often the comments from defenders of the hard of hearing (HoH) dominate the discussions. Of course, those advocates for the HoH are usually HoH themselves and do not understand the difference between communicating with a cooperative, realistic, thoughtful HoH person versus dealing with a HoH oppositional-type who often appears to disregard the effects of her behavior on those around her.

vstefans, it is important to hear the perspective of another HoH senior. Thank you for sharing yours. It seems as though you have at least tried to get used to the hearing aids.

However, although I will concede that not repeating oneself to a HoH person may evoke unpleasant emotions in the one with the hearing impairment, I also must point out that this is the heart of the problem: Those frustrating, obstinate, self-centered HoH people who tend to feel more for themselves than the people who try, with increasing futility, to accommodate their inabilities to hear.

. After years and years of shouting and, in the last several years, having to practically press my lips to my mothers ear canal to enable her to hear me, the results are in: I no longer possess the reserves of endurance I had in those years gone by. I am older now, too, and tired. It's a shame that a huge part of my weariness at this time no longer comes exclusively from my kids, an abusive ex-spouse, money problems, depression, etc., etc., but seems to spring from continued efforts to communicate with my elderly mother.

It's just too bad my elderly "loved one" can't think of me, my sister and the other "victims" as we all struggle to communicate with he while she continues, garrulous and inconsiderate, using us as interpreters all the while feeling sorry for herself because she feels "left out, invisible, excluded while others talk in front of her, etc. etc." But, why should she try a hearing aid? Besides being cost prohibitive (she is a WWII Navy Veteran), not "working" well according to anyone she knows who has tried them, she offered the following as another reason for shunning hearing aids. "No one has anything to say that I want to hear anyway."
Quite telling, no?

Well, on the "elder" side, as a some times hearing aid wearer, there are some real factors that make the aids a pain to deal with. One is they don't actually give you normal hearing, another is you can't get them wet, and another is if they are not adjusted right they will give you one hell of a headache. Make sure to ask what is dislkied about the hearing aid and see if it can be addressed. There are some things you can wear around the neck with one earbud plugged in that may also work OK and are less expensive. There IS a trick to talking loud but not sounding angry; I think use the breath techinuqe like a singer and remember to smile at the same time you are almost-shouting :-) There are also some etiquette things to be aware of if your loved one is hearing impaired; you do have to make sure your lips are visible to enable conscious or sub-conscious lip reading, and resist the temptation to say "oh never mind" instead of repeating louder or clearer - that just makes people feel either paranoid, devalued, or both. Take steps to reduce background noise too, and its not wrong to resort to hand writing or texting if you can't, and the person can read it instead! It is also OK to touch a shoulder to get attention rather than yelling...granted there are times "selective hearing" can be an issue but remember some of us should have buttons that say, "I'm not ignoring you, I really AM deaf!"

Ask you mom if she is ok with people thinking that her mind is bad? That's what people think when they see an elderly person who acts a bit 'off.' It seems to never occur to people that it's the hearing, not the mind. And I do think that you can sell a hearing aid on Ebay - you would need to inform them that they would have to get the earpiece made by a center.
When it comes to a matter of life and death, you may need to get professionals to step in and explain how serious it is to not be able to hear a fire alarm, for instance. One of my parents wears one and is so grateful for the hearing help- the other one refuses to wear one, and it's getting ridiculous to have to drive somewhere to speak IN PERSON because they can't hear on the phone!

To give you all a quick update........NOTHING HAS CHANGED!! Not a dang thing! She still refuses to wear it. I've basically given up by now. It's sad. She misses out on so much. It's amazing what pride will do to you and your family.

My 80 year stubborn old fart father is refusing to wear his hearing aid also!!!!!!!! This is ridiculous!!! I have to repeat myself sooo many times for him to hear me!!! It's so frustrating tryng to communicate with his stubborn ass!!! If I could I'd sell his hearing aid on E-Bay!!! It cost like $4,000.00 for that hearing aid!!! Good thing Medi-Cal covered it!!! My mom fell outside in our yard a few months ago and she screamed for help and he didn't hear a word!!! My German Shepherd dog was playing with her and knocked her down and she couldn't get up for like 5 minutes!!! This is like an Emergency and he couldn't hear a damn thing to help my poor mother!!! UUUGHHH!!! GOOD LUCK to all of us dealing with this issue!!! :)

As a Hearing Aid Specialist, I would say this... Mom, we love you. We want to be able to tell you and show you how much we love you. Right now, we can't. If you wear your hearing aids, it makes us feel like you want to talk to us and interact with us. Wear the hearing aids to show us that you love us.

Thank you, vstefans. You have no idea how much your comments above have helped me. I am still in the thick of the battle, trying every day to "do the right thing," to do it well, and to be as patient as I can in the face of constant resistance and denial from my Mom. But I am also painfully aware of the second-guessing, and what-ifs and regrets that will come after she's gone. I do love my Mom and want only the best for her. I want the time she has left to be as pleasant for her as possible. I'll take your advice, with gratitude. Thanks for your perspective "from the other side." And God bless you, too.

smartin, when my mom finally did pass on, I was holding her hand and I told her it was OK, she had done her best. And I meant it. I knew through prayer and thinking about it that even though it was not in any way shape or form the "best" I hoped for and wanted, she did what she thought was right, sometimes despite my best efforts to get her to do what I thought was better. My mom did lots better for others than she did for me at times; but if she got scared, I was sometimes the only one who could talk her into something. I lke your idea of telling her you love her and that's why you nag and wish she would try this or that, and you are wondering or concerned or even worried that maybe she won't do things you know she needs to because something hurts or she's scared. She might open up to you about it, or she might not. And see if you can come up with any positives, any little pleasurable things you can share that are non-threatening. It was hit and miss with us, but the "hits" sure made for some good memories. A "miss" that made me sad was that she would not let me bring her TV-VCR to her skilled rehab to watch her favorite Andre' Rieu tapes; turns out she was having trouble seeing and was not enjoying TV any more anyways because of the cognitive effort involved in interpreting it. I had theorized that bringing too much stuff to a facility made it seem too much like she was moving in rather than there temporarily, which is what she kept hoping up until her last few months. She was never a computer/Internet person, and had been amazed that I'd been able to find a new one online for her before she fell and had an MI and never did get back home again. I would say encourage, give it your best, and don't take it to heart or take it personally if some of your efforts are rejected! I'm still second guessing a lot even now - should I have done this instead of that, pretty much every major decision could have been decided differently by me, so I will never be quite as confident that *I* did the right things/did my best as I am my mom did hers under the circumstances! (They tell me I should quit doing that, of course - and that's easier said than done! :) I loved her and i tried hard, that much I can say at least though. God Bless...

vstefans: I never looked at it that she can't or won't accept or believe that things WILL get worse without her taking a proactive role. I read on another site about a man who told his father that he didn't want the role of being the one to nag him all the time-he just wanted to be his son. I know what he means because I feel like I'm always angry at my mother and I don't want to be. I'm in the process of trying to get some help to come in a couple of times/wk to see that she exercises and takes a bath and cleans up every day; hopefully she will take direction from a nonfamily member (more likely she will refuse to let anyone come in) and then I'm right where I am now. I could just let it go and whatever is going to happen will happen but I know it's only a matter of time till she falls, breaks a hip and ends up in a nursing home; that would break her heart. She can't live with me or either of my brothers because we all have houses with 2 floors and no bathroom on the 1st floor; she can not get up and down stairs so... I have tried talking to her in the past but maybe should give it one more try by asking if she is afraid or if it hurts to walk? Why she won't get a hearing aid or fix her dentures or eat the things the Dr suggests? Maybe it's time to tell her that without some effort on her part, things will only get worse; there is NO way it will ever get better. Maybe also tell her that I want to stop nagging and pushing her because it makes me angry and upset and I don't want that to be our relationship for the remainder of her life. Then if she won't respond or change things, I've done all I can do. I just found this site yesterday and it has already helped so much; thank-you

Quick notes - to janicej - Great idea to keep the sense of humor going - my only suggestion is to go ahead and repeat the "inconsequential" stuff. It can makes a hearing-imparied person feel either paranoid or devalued when people won't repeat the part you did not hear. I continue to need to educate my family on this! They often repeat the part *I* repeat instead of the word or two I *didn't* get...I get more by context than I care to admit. I even had to find an independent web site to corroborate me so my son would believe it was not just another little oddity of mine to experience it as cruel to be left out by his non-repeating. I mean really, if it was important enough to say once, you can't just blow it off by saying, "oh, it wasn't important!" And to smartin...ohhh, I feel for you, my mom wanted so badly to be able to go home and be independent but would hardly ever do anything that would have helped her, like modify her diet or move more and it was so baffling. But I think she, like your mom, knew things were not good and simply could not face it, and/or found the exercises hurt at least a little and did not want to say so. This is fear, hurt, heartache, and fear of even more hurt and heartache...eased in their minds by a wall of denial. They can't accept or believe that things are destined to get worse instead of better without intervention, which sadly does make everything worse unless you can find a workaround. You can't hit it head on - it only gets stronger. You are hitting your head on that wall because you *are* trying to do the RIGHT, SENSIBLE thing. You might have to give up on that momentarily and try instead to pull off just doing some little thing that's feasible and will enhance her quality of life that does not require her to venture out and change anything. It is really hard and sad when they retreat into the shell and refuse to try anything at all.

I can definitely relate to everyone's frustration. My mother was tested and is deaf in one ear and is moderately to severely deaf in the other ear but wouldn't even agree to go get a hearing aid; just says she "doesn't need it yet". She hears very little of what is going on and answers most questions with "so-so" or "maybe" (guess she can tell from our faces or voice inflections if we are asking a question). I take her grocery shopping and have to yell when asking her what she wants. When we check out I find myself yelling at the cashier-not in anger but because I've spent the last half hour yelling to my mother. When I catch myself doing that I laugh, apologize to the cashier and explain myself. She lives alone and unlocks her door as soon as she gets up everyday so I am worried constantly because anyone could walk into the house and she wouldn't even know they were there. I go there everyday and she never hears me when I come in or she's sleeping in front of the tv. It's so hard to know how to do the right thing without enabling her unsafe behavior/choices. I've tried asking her why she won't get a hearing aid or have her dentures fixed or use a walker or cane or do the exercises the Dr recommended but she just refuses to answer and turns away; she seems to think that if she doesn't talk about or acknowledge a problem it either doesn't really exist or will just go away!! I am about running on empty with no idea how to handle things. PS I do agree with Linley that having to speak loud does seem to trigger the anger hormone.

I have to laugh at all the responses here (and that's a good thing)! It makes me realize, and I often forget, that I'm not the only one going through this and many other daily challenges with my Mom. Thanks to all of you! Finding some humor in it all is what I desperately need.

My Mom too will not wear her hearing aid (she lost one, which she of course blames on me). I've gotten so used to talking so loudly to her that everyone else must wonder why I'm screaming at them. I get SO SO tired of repeating myself over and over again. You'd think they'd get tired of not being able to hear. I don't get it at all. Sometimes I don't even bother repeating myself when what I originally said was inconsequential.

I wish I had a suggestion for you, but I don't because I haven't found anything that works. I figure if I can tell my Mom she needs to drink more liquid so she doesn't end up in the hospital yet again because she's dehydrated and she can ignore me, then encouraging her to wear her hearing aid would prove of little value.

Let's all try to keep finding some humor in it all!

WELL, as a future old lady myself (I'm 54 now and getting there faster than I ever thought possible) I need to share with you all that I just got MY hearing aids adjusted. Turns out I probably need a receiver-in-canal instead of pure open fit, so hopefully when my curent ones give out I'll have the $$ to make that swtich. And the gain was way too low, so the benefit was not what I really needed it to be. And it was great to hear a lot more birds outside and even a TV that I honestly thought was being kept muted before the adjustment. Then the feedback started. OMG. Fortunately, I knew to go back in promptly to the same audiologist, who fixed that right away with some little software tweak. Turns out that was probably why my prior audiologist who had left town didn't have them at the level I needed. Now, I will be wearing them every day again.

Now - imagine what would happen if I was really a little old lady with enough cognitive impairment or unable to get back to the audiologist immediately to explain what was wrong.

Karen: I will be waiting for your answers. Peg

Peg, you hit the nail on the head! I often say to my own adult children that when I get old (if God gives me the opportunity to, that is) I will tell them why some old women:

1. Get their hair done in the universal beehive like way
2. Move very very slowly (I used to call my mother the Energizer bunny because she never stopped moving. Now she moves four times slower than we do poor thing)
3. What is so very bad about wearing a hearing aid.

So Peg, when (if) I make it to 70 something or 80 something, I'll let you know the answers to these questions!!

I agree with not talking to the person who has no respect for those they are asking questions of. I have to laugh: yesterday evening I said something to my mom and she said "huh?" and I said, "you didn't hear me? Where are your hearing aids?" and she said "saying 'huh' is a habit". I almost fell off my chair. So I told her if she recognizes it is a habit I am not repeating and she said "no, don't repeat. I do hear you I just don't say anything back to you." (ok: that's disrespectful as well). And also that's just yet another "excuse" not to put them into the ears ... "I can hear better without them".
I agree they are like glasses which my mom doesn't need to wear (she can see far) but does wear them because she didn't want to get reading glasses for up close. ha ha
Will we ever figure this age out? Before we get to be this age?

My 80+ yr. old mother (who has been 1/2 deaf for 10+ yrs) finally decided she would get and wear a 6K+ hearing aid so she can play bridge, watch TV and communicate with the family. It was a struggle and we had to yell just at even the dinner table. She said, wow I can finally hear and stop yelling. There is nothing to be embarrased about - people where eye glasses and the new computerized hearing aids cannot be seen. The shop that sold the hearing aid to her had to keep tweeking it. If your Mom refuses, then don't talk to her. It is her problem which she will not address or have empathy for the frustrations of others.

Shoot, my dad has demenitia, and I get hoarse yelling and then he says I am talking too loud when I am talking loud and then it hurts his feelings...good grief.

Now...I just put them in his ears. No questions asked. There is no choice. I tell him I want to talk and not have to yell.