My sister has always been there to 'help' my parents, and I acknowledge this. She lived in the same town with Mom & Dad (I live out of state), and she helped tremendously through Mom's Alzheimers and her end of life process. Dad has sold his home and moved to a new town with sister & her husband, and Dad paid for the house. This would have worked wonderfully, except sister, his oldest daughter, is and always has been verbally abusive to him (Mom, too, for many years before her death), from before sun up to after sun down, generally "going off" on him before he even gets to the kitchen table for breakfast. He is 87, in generally good health, has the occasional memory lapse but not dimentia. His gait is labored from Parkinson's, but he is ambulatory. Sister & brother-in-law now are in control of not only the house he purchased with the understanding they would pay him back half when their house sold (their names are also on the deed to the new house which he now realizes was a HUGE mistake), but they have every one of his possessions in their control. They are making his life miserable but he feels "stuck". We'd like for him to come and stay with us, but he is sure that if he comes up, he'll never get back into the house, and will never have access to his possessions, or his physical memories of Mom (they were together for 62 years). If we pick him up, it will need to be with a moving truck, but he doesn't want to leave the house he helped choose, and paid for. He's moved to be closer to where Mom is buried........ and where he will be buried as well. I've tried to tell him it's a HOUSE, and that's what they care about, and if he wants to leave it, to just walk away. We want him to be happy and we don't care about the money -- we've encouraged him to spend it so they wouldn't be into his care simply for the money. We live in a different state and both have full-time jobs; sister and brother-in-law are retired. We'd like to figure out how to have "health and wellness" checks on Dad, and for sister to KNOW these are going to be done on a regular basis, but we don't know who to contact, and we would like for it to be an anonymous tip so they don't take it out on Dad (which they're so good at doing in a very agitated manner). Sister hates me with a passion, and is very verbal in telling Dad (and anyone else that will listen) how we don't do anything to help. We have tried, but any suggestions we've had are vetoed by sister because they weren't HER idea.

Bottom line to all of this is, Dad wants to stay in his new home, he knows he needs help, but the elder rage from my sister HAS to stop. Sister needs mental help which is not simply an off-the-wall comment, but the truth, but she won't go. She went once many years ago and was told it was "all her fault" so she won't go back. We want Dad to be happy and are more than willing to accommodate him in our home, but he is anxious about leaving even for a visit. I would like to find out who to contact for health and welfare checks on an anonymous basis. I don't want Dad to have to deal with anymore of her outbursts.

I appreciate any/all advice you can provide.

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Call Elder Services in the town your father lives in. Protective services can be called in and check things out. Of course, your sister will be on best behavior when they are there right? Also, consult an attorney specializing in elder affairs. Does your father have a will, power of attorney, and health care proxy designations? If not, do this in your name if that is what he wants to do. He needs peace in his elder years; but if he refuses to leave, don't know if there is anything you can do about it. It's sad to think he is being verbally abused and takes it - I hope you can do something about this. Suggestions from outside sources can truly help such as the ones I mentioned. Take care and good luck.
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