My parents are soon to be 98-Dad a WW2 - Vet & Mom 96.
Live in Houston in the house I grew up in.
Dad has Alzheimer's, balance issues, can not see good nor will he wear his hearing aids & has hallucinations after waking. Can not button anything. Refuses to shave and wears dirty clothes. Dad can not tie SAS Shoes. Tries to do the laundry and dries dirty cloths and claims they are clean. Mom does not get out of the recliner much.
Mom has mobility issues, overweight, sits in a recliner most of the day screaming at my Dad to do chores and more......
Unfortunately, Mom still drives, drivers license is expired, can not hear well, has IBS, has an emergency alert to wear around her neck and will not arm it, has a cell phone she can barely use, needs eye surgery. Arthritis and more....Doorbell at house does not work, shrubs are over grown, no lights work on the outside of house, inside lights are burned out everywhere. Neighbor says he can hear my Mom yelling from his back yard. Bathroom Fixtures in showers are falling off.
Parents do not have Durable Power of Attorney, Healthcare Directives, Wills, nor is any paperwork organized. I am not listed on any bank accounts.
VA & Hospital has encouraged her to make the above decisions.
Hospital will not let parents stay together when emergency room is necessary. This has happened twice in the past month.
The latest (we are in crisis situation) phone call to me in Florida started one afternoon at 3:00pm and went back and forth till 3:00am. This is an example of the latest.
Parents are not well. House is falling apart. Will not let anyone come to the house to repair anything because she does not trust. House has not been cleaned since, I do not know when.
VA will not talk to me because, I do not have my Dads SS#. Says I am listed as family member however, we can not talk about your father's case.
I know there is a home healthcare guy that goes by the house to take blood pressure and walks my dad around the house to check his balance once a week if my Mom does not cancel the appointment for the week.
Solutions: Do I anonymously call Adult Protective Services?
Last attempt - Do I go to Houston and take a local family friend to talk some logic into my mother?
This situations has been going on for a few years.
Scared to visit because of Covid and no-parents have not been tested.
I have no idea what the income situation is for parents. Suspect no money for assisted living for Mom and Alzheimer's care for Dad.
I may crack-up soon.
I am open to any suggestions or organizations I may call for suggestions.
I know, I am not the only one in this difficult situation. I read AgingCare Daily.