Elder parent - highly narcissistic - lives about 2.5 hours away - after being told five years ago - I cannot care for you there and take care of my child. And work. And be divorced. Since child has been diagnosed with autism. Needing extra care. I work PT to care for her. That includes attending school events. That frankly my parents - as a latchkey kid of the boomer generation - cannot get through that I am - special needs or not - going to be PRESENT for my child's life.
Parent cannot see - that she's been warned - 'you must have an emergency back up plan fo my father with dementia' and despite years of problems with this parent - selfishness - hatefulness - we still are asking them to move here.
Get crappy emails about being in the ER and my kid coming first. Bc I didn't drop what I was doing at what parent desribed as an 'event' like end of year play in which my autistic kid is the LEAD. I told her repeatedly I'd come afterwards. Or if they put her in the hospital. Nope gave her a breathing treatment and sent her home.
How would you deal with this? I've been nice. I've tried to validate feelings - it makes it worse. I've been nonconfrontational. I've been rude. I've been nonresponsive. I am sick and tired of manipulation. And sadly does not even see it on her part.
I've offered to care for dad - in my home if she will pay me enough to offset gas - his food- and some for my time.
I have offered to come up. I have told her to please think about assisted living. I have told her I cannot do this long distance. No matter what I say - what I do it's always criticism. No thank you.