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My mom has dementia. She's at the point where we have to fight her to change out of clothes with stains or spills on them. She won't bathe. She won't wash up. She throws a fit every time we suggest getting in-home help. She will sometimes fight me or my dad whenever we try to clean house or whatnot.

My dad lives with her and primarily takes care of her day to day needs. Can he get in trouble for elder neglect if SHE refuses to cooperate? If so, what kind of charges could he face? What would happen to my mom?

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it is advisable to only bathe an elde every couple of weeks because they often suffer from dry skin. my mother stays plenty freshened up by using adult aloe wipes and washes her hair every couple weeks. its nothing new , she never cared to shower much before her current illness. the shower disorients her and affects her sense of balance. if you have hospice in your home just remember they work for you. if you encounter a pushy know it all nurse get right straight in her ass. she'll learn her place promptly..
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No your dad can not be charged for elder neglect because your mom has dementia and mom has a memory problem. All the evidence you can show are witnesses (you and other family who can back up dad); mom's doctors; mom's illness.
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My grandpa has dementia and I am his full time caregiver (on weekdays). Here's the thing, in his "own world" he has already bathed and will refuse to bathe "again" even though he hasn't bathed in forever. I tried telling him to bathe because he has a doctor's appointment, I even wrote fake appointment sheets, I even told him that there will be visitors coming and he says he already bathed so he's not doing it again. He also changes his clothes several times a day (he's good with that) but bathing he is unaware of it. If you push him too much, he will go verbally attack you and tell you to go home. Family members aren't motivated to ask him anymore. Amongst all the family members, I am the most aggressive one of all and I am the one who can take the heat when the lion gets out of his cage.
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StChaos, I kind of doubt that your father would get in trouble (who knows?) but if it would motivate her, you could tell your mother he would. It depends on exactly what the dementia was done to her mind, but if she still has concerns about her husband's welfare, use that to convince her to cooperate.
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I am sorry for your frustration, this can happen to many families with dementia.Your mother has dementia she does not know what is best for her now. and yes its your father taking care of her. He needs to make up his mind for her own good, and get her to a Dr that knows your mother problems. and do what the dr says.
and since she is neglecting her self this needs to be done right away. they will help her she would not have a choice. this is too hard on family members.
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