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Dad behaved most inappropriately with neighbors, and with his own grandson, so moving in with us was definitely not an option. He needed 24 hour surveilence in a Nursing Care facility equipped to handle his growing issues. When they become a threat to others, family cannot always care for them, even when the desire is present.
Not many are financially able, emotionally equipped,or physically capable to give 24 hour care for another, even for a dearly-loved parent or spouse. And even it they were, burnout is a common symptom, often ruining the health of the care provider, due to stress, fatigue, isolation, and many other factors. Many are in the sandwich generation, trying to raise young children or teens. Trying to do both is difficult, indeed, and each generation feels the effects. Those of you who do it know exactly what I'm saying. So I defend and support you who have also had to seek alternatives to keeping your loved one in their own home, or live in yours. It is not possible for everyone, and we don't need to feel guilt if it isn't. Some people are just selfish, but that's a different story.
I applaud you if you can meet your loved one's needs in a manner they prefer. I applaud you if you choose to sacrifice your gifts, talents, time and energy in serving the needs and desires of another. I applaud you who do the best you can given the many options available. To care for another is no easy task. To sacrifice ourselves is no small thing. And it's not always acknowledged or appreciated. People have differing motives for what they do, and for the choices they make. Are we our brother's keeper? Morally, and Biblically, yes, ultimately. But how we choose to help another should not be dictated by the personal preferences, convictions or choices of another. Why, even the Good Samaritan sought the help of others. God is our judge. To him, one day we will all give an account. He sees the motives of our heart. His opinion is the only one that matters.
As for this dear person, lelanjian, who asked the question about their mother moving into an ALF, let's not be too judgemental. We don't know their particulars. I think lelanjian was asking "HOW," rather than whether to or not?
While two commenters made legitimate points about best case scenario arrangements, I know from personal experience, that is not always possible, and I don't apologize for my position or sharing my opinion. After all, it's just an opinion. Not everyone will agree with me. God bless you who do the best you can for your loved ones, no matter what you or they choose. Let's be a little kinder and more sympathetic to one another, can we?
Oh, BTW. Both my parents are doing much better after moving them from their home. We found some wonderful places for them especially suited to their particular needs. Dad is thriving in his new environment, and actually loves the attention and care he receives. And he's close by, so I can visit as often as I want, which has been a blessing to both him and my family. Mom's new physicians and environment have improved her health, outlook, social circle, and attitude (mostly). She struggles with many health issues, but is actually doing better than she EVER did in her own home. (Long story.)
So, please be sensitive to Caregivers and elders. What works for one, may not work for another. Just a couple more thoughts. Take care.
Interestly enough, the Dept. of Health recognizes this and has labeled it "Transfer Trauma" - and it is documented that moving these vulnerable elders contributes to a decline in health and wellbeing. Although we often like to think of our parents as being difficult, it is good to have a reminder that this is a huge issue that is often overlooked when family is pushing for a move to Assisted Living because of a family caregiver's burnout, need to work, or inability to take on the extra responsibility.
The site is for caregivers issues - and I have been one for my mom for almost 7 years, so no judgement is intended on anyone else's choice. But I have noticed that sometimes our elders - the reason why we are on this site do get a little lost in the discussion of "What to do with them". Take a deep breath and consider all of the options, not just the ones that are traditionally presented to us in our society. Care in their own home is possible even if you cannot do it yourself. Just a thought.