My mother-in-law who's 94 and been living on her own (in her own house) until the end of Aug 10 when she had a stroke (Hemorage) and broke her hip. after making it thru surgery for the hip, they sent her home on hospice. My husband (who is an only child) and i decided to get a day care provider at my mother-in-law's home and we would stay there and take care of her at night and weekends until she passed. At the time she left the hospital they had only given her a few weeks to live. It is now Nov and she is doing better than when she was in the hospital. She is not mentally there some of the time, some times she is and acts like a complete pain in the neck. She requires 24/7 care as she can not do anything for herself. We have a 19 year old that is living at our house taking care of it until we return. Our home is only 6 miles from where we are staying but i am required to relieve the day care provider as soon as i get out of work so i don't go home much. I miss my daughter as well as my home.

Hospice is giving us respite care this weekend and i am so looking forward to it. My problem is: I do not want to bring her back home and I'm looking at placing her in an assisted living home or nursing home. However, i feel guilty because she really wants to die at home. i feel like I should continue to do the hospice care at her house and just suck it up, but i really don't want to. She was never a nice person to me or her grandchildren, but I am a caring person and swore i would never put a parent in nursing care. Your thoughts!

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Is she really afraid of dying alone, or is it the actual act of dying in her own home that she wants? Is she getting better to the point that she has many more years left, or not? What does hospice say about the time she has left? I'm thinking that if she has years left, and it's the dying alone part that worries her, then an asst living place would be in order. If it were me, (I do help take care of my mother-in-law) and she was dying and IF she indeed wanted desperately to die in her own home, I'd buck up and make it happen for her. I think it's stupid, but it's not about me.
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