We are moving my mom into a nursing home and if she had to choose she would live by herself. Would putting her in a room with a roommate help?

When my mother-in-law was in the nursing home for rehab for a broken hip, (she also has dementia) there were two beds in her room, and she always had a roommate. With her dementia and bad eyes she never did see if it was a man or woman in her room with her. It was kinda funny when she'd tell me that the man in the bed next to her was coughing all night. It didn't do any good to tell her it was a woman, cause she'd forget in a few minutes anyway. During her time there, a friend of mine who's mother had also fallen and broken her hip was put in the same place. I requested the two room together, which they did. It worked out good that time, but during the two months she was there she had other roommates that were NOT so good to be with. Some were mean, others really sick etc. So it's a mixed bag of sorts for me, the roommate that went to our church was the last one she had, that was good. The others NOT good. But I have to say, even the bad ones did give my mother-in-law something to think about and be entertained by though, and they do seem to look out for each other when you have a roommate. She pushed the call button on a few occasions when her roommate needed help and couldn't do it by herself, and visa verse. If you decide on a roommate, maybe you can request someone who is in the same condition as your mother in order to give her someone to talk to. Good luck on your decision.

From a nh perspective, they will look at several factors to determine bed status: diagnosis, behavior and paysource. Some facilities have private pay for private room rates, some may have a wait list for a private room and some need private room due to a infectious related dx (MRSA, VRE). Most insurers will not pay for a private room.

Your best bet is to meet with the nh admission staff, take a tour, ask questions, tell them what your mom is like etc. There are many great dementia related facilities with specialized program (ie at programs at night) as well. Good luck.

I do agree with Makkd---I will add that sharing a room has both its pro and cons--as you may or my not be comparable with the other person. When my Mom was last in a facility, the person she shared the room with kind of looked over her, and would contact someone if she thought there was a need. As far as having a private-that can cause very big dollars, and I believe your health coverage is how this is decided. One last thing you may want to consider---private pay vs nor for profit...as there could be a big difference in the care. I personally will opt for not for profit-as they staff seemed more interested in the patients , than all the bells and whistles the facility had to offe, found in a for pofit facility. Should you go to check out a facility-try to go without any appointment in advance-In this manner you can check things out for yourself. You may also want to speak with some of the residents athere about the care they are receiving.
Best to you~
Hap

Who would WANT to room with a stranger? All the residents in the facility where my mom resides are either in a room by themselves or they share space with their mates. My mom (and the other residents) come together for meals and other things so they don't lead private lives ALL day. When my mom declines even further, I would opt for her to be in a single room in another facility. This not only makes it nicer for family visits but I have visited other old sick friends who have had to share a room with some stranger and none of my elderly friends were happy with the situation. And as I visited with them in their room, I could see why. If your mom can afford a private room, I think it would be nicer for her.

If she is cognizant enough to say she would prefer privacy I would follow her lead. Otherwise sort of wait and see how things go. She may like having a roommate and she really may not, also the roommate would have visitors at times consider if that would make her feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable.

Private room is probably better. The more people you introduce into her life will likely just confuse her. But it couldnt hurt either having another person in same room.
Chances are dementia does not get any better.

This is a very difficult questions. They generally like company, but, when my mother was at the hospital, she shared the room with a lady who was in worse conditions than her and she did not stop talking a second. My mother was very tired. I guess it depends on the situations. Can't you make a try and see what happens?

There are people in the nursing home, that the only conversation they get at all is with their roommate. So I think if the patient doesn't have family or friends that visit, then having another person to talk to would be a plus.

All super advice and I know it sure is a mixed bag trying to make the tough decisions. My heart goes out to you.

My mother-in-law was in a nursing home/rehab facility and, although we requested a private room and willing to pay whatever the extra expenses, she always had a roommate. The room was tight and not very comfortable, only one chair per patient, one bathroom and certainly not conducive for visitors. Was difficult to visit when the roommate had guests, trying to sleep or not feeling well. I’m sure the situation was true for the roommate as well. My mother-in-law could be a very feisty woman and not always pleasant. As it turned out, she passed away after four months. Fortunately, all her roommates were very kind, caring and watched over her.

I would definitely vote for a private. I know if it were me, I would want my own time of peace and quiet, to watch my own TV, listen to my own music, have my lights on or off without disturbing someone else, have as many guests as possible, laugh as loud as we wanted or share a cry and private moment without strangers and visa versa. I would also want to be surrounded by my treasures, not those of others. You can make the room much homier and familiar if it is hers alone. Moving into a nursing home or assisted living center is hard enough for the elderly who are used to years of their own life and habits without having to adjust to a stranger's life and habits too. With all my heart I believe they should be surrounded with as many familiar possessions and allowed a schedule that is as close as possible to what they have known. Ideally, every resident should have a private room, IMHO.

You said your mother would have requested a private room as she is a private person. To me, it seems you just answered your own question and you should honor that part of her personality and have a private room for her. I don’t think, even with dementia, a persons core changes that much and the dementia only makes changes even more difficult and unsettling.

I agree a roommate might be stimulating, but, putting a private person in a room with a stranger could also be very negative and the move will already be tough enough for her. The staff will see that your mother is taken to activities and the dining room for interaction with others. If, in the future, you feel a roommate would be more stimulating and positive for her, then you can always request a semi-private. Or your mother might form a close friendship with another resident, and they can always request to be roommates. Much easier to go that direction once she has been allowed to ease into this major change in her life.

For whatever their worth, those are my two cents. You have lots to consider, but I would keep in mind your comment “With a choice she’d choose to have a single room because she is private”. Good luck and God bless.

I thought it would help my dad-however he did not like that "stranger his room." He said he wished I would make my husbands grandpa go home soon. ( My husband did not have a grandpa)- and a lot of times the patient with dementia think that someone is stealing from them - clothing etc.

Some nursing homes only have private rooms. Check out all the ones in your town. However, the home with the private rooms may be in another town. My aunt had decided, that if she ever needed to go to one, she would go to such and such a home, because it was a Catholic home, and all the rooms were private. However, it was in the next town. When she broke her hip, her doctor said that if she wanted anyone to come see her, and if she wanted him to come to the home to care for her, she'd better go to one in town. That's what she did. It so happened that all the rooms in the skilled section where she had to go, are all private. So that worked out perfectly. Now, if she had to stay, she would have had to get a roommate, which would have been a problem.

Another thing to consider would be if they would put your mom in an Alzheimer's unit. They did not have them when my mom was still living, and that worked out fine for her. If they would require your mom to go to an Alzheimer's wing, I would check that out. Make sure they have stimulating activities for them, and not just have them sit in front of the TV all day.

If she expresses a choice and can afford a private room - let her make the decision. The more power you give her as she loses it, the less problem she will be for you.