My mother was diagnosed with AD 8 years ago. My father cared for her up until just before Thanksgiving. We strongly suspected that he was not doing alot better than she was, but he refused to go to the doctor. He got a bad urinary tract infection and became basically non-responsive. He wound up in the hospital for 30 days of IV antibiotics. The doctors said Dad has rapidly advancing dementia. We were told that we could not care for him and he would not be able to live at home anymore. We learned that they had been forgetting to eat, take care of personal hygeine, and take their meds.
They were moved into a nursing home right after Christmas. They are heartbroken and miserable there and hate my brother now. (They chose him to be in charge of their affairs.) They are convinced that he stole all their money and they are penniless. My father is very paranoid, bitter, and at times, mean and physically combative. Mom can't do hardly anything on her own so his reality is my mother's too.
My sister lives 2 and a half hours away and she and her husband have been caring for his mother for about 20 years. I live 16 hours away and still have 4 children at home ranging in ages from 3 to 13, two of which are autistic. My brother lives 30 minutes away, but I have been at my parents home more times a year than he has for the last 20 years. Still, this is the son that has been their 'golden child' all his life, and who they chose to be the executor of their estate and now has POA for both of them. As angry as my sister and I have been over his selfishness for most of his life, we both feel badly that they are treating him like this when he isn't doing anything wrong.
What can we do? Is there anyway to get through the fog and convince them the truth. Should we try to move them back home with 24 hr caregivers? Help?!