With dementia at play, most elders hate showering. My mother insisted the shower floor was "slippery" which it wasn't, so after trying a dozen things w/o success, I bought her a pair of rubber soiled water shoes on Amazon for $10. That did the trick, thank God, and she allowed the staff at her Memory Care Assisted Living facility to shower her 2x a week from then on.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn all about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet, including a section about bathing. Teepa Snow has some excellent videos on YouTube as well about how to bathe an elder with dementia.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
IMHO I think Mom belongs in assisted living, not independent living as your profile states . Your sister has to be a senior herself considering Mom is 96. Let your sister be a visiting daughter not an aide . In assisted living there will be aides who are used to dealing with your mother’s fear. I would not want to help my mother in the shower at that age for fear she would fall and I would feel terrible . Your mother’s needs will only increase. Let the professionals handle it , move her to assisted living or hire an aide to come a few times a week for showers .
From afar …..The best way you can support your sister, who lives near your mother , is by letting her know she does not have to do the hands on caregiving . An aide can do that . Remember this for later on if/when things get more difficult for your sister to handle .
Your profile says that your mother has a strong fear of falling, so of course this will also translate to her not wanting to get into the shower for fear of falling. So first I would make sure that there is a slip proof mat, grab bars, shower bench and even a hand held shower head in place before trying to get her in. Then someone will more than likely have to help her get in and perhaps even help wash her up and help her out, as that might make her feel safer. And of course an elderly person doesn't have to get in the shower daily, so for the in-between times you can just use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps that you can order on either Amazon or Walmart.com.
https://www.amazon.com/ANLUKE-Water-Barefoot-Quick-Dry-Womens/dp/B078WQQGK9/ref=sr_1_8?crid=3TXO86CBBJQ6X&keywords=Water+shoes+women&qid=1702835564&sprefix=water+shoes+women%2Caps%2C187&sr=8-8
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet to learn all about dementia. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet, including a section about bathing. Teepa Snow has some excellent videos on YouTube as well about how to bathe an elder with dementia.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck.
So first I would make sure that there is a slip proof mat, grab bars, shower bench and even a hand held shower head in place before trying to get her in.
Then someone will more than likely have to help her get in and perhaps even help wash her up and help her out, as that might make her feel safer.
And of course an elderly person doesn't have to get in the shower daily, so for the in-between times you can just use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps that you can order on either Amazon or Walmart.com.