Follow
Share

My husband and I have been living with my 83 year old mother for the past 3 years. She has to know where I am every minute. Usually, after supper, my husband and I will come back to our bedroom to take our medicine, check emails, talk a few minutes and stay until 7:00pm. We play a game now timing her to see how long it takes her to come down the hall to ask if we are coming back to watch TV or what are we doing back here, etc. It takes her about 10 minutes or less. If I go outside, she goes outside and watches me. If I don't tell her I'm going outside and she misses me and looks for me, she gives me the third degree about why didn't I tell her where I went. If my husband and I go outside and sit on the patio, she is out there in 5-10 minutes. If I tell her I'm going outside to sit on the patio, she immediately tells me it is too hot or the news is about to come on, etc. to get me to stay inside with her. I could go on and on. I'm a prisoner. My husband has about had!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
All of these suggestions/comments are good ones but my mom (86y.o.) would want to be included in EVERYTHING!! I couldn't go out to lunch with a friend w/o mom wanting to be included. Mom and I go out together sometimes but I need private time with friends on occasion and if I don't invite mom, her feelings get hurt. This wanting to be included in everything I or my husband I, do is really stressing me out! I remember the feeling of "being left out" from my peers as a child and how many times my feelings were hurt so I don't want to hurt mom's feelings but I sometimes feel like we're siamese twins joined at the hip.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi, nikkibarkerpat. That sounds like such a good idea to have a "friend" come in. We just started looking into sitters, but my husband said we should call her something other than sitter. Friend sounds great. This will help us so much. Thank you!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I certainly empathize and understand how you and your husband must feel with Mom wanting to be with you all the time and know everything that is going on. My Mom was much like yours.
What I found to be helpful was planning an activity specifically with her a couple of nights a week after dinner which included just Mom, my husband and myself.
Then, I introduced a "friend" of mine to her. She was not actually my friend at the time, but an employee of a company that provided care for seniors. Mom of course wantd to be included when the friend came over after dinner so it worked out perfectly.
We started having the friend come before dinner - the friend fixed the dinner and spent time with Mom - so my husband and I could do our own thing four or so nights a week.
It seemed like just this little amount of time Mom had with a special friend of her own allowed her to ease up on her demands on my husband and me.
The "friend" continued to help us last year as Mom was very ill and needed more help than we could provide. The company was wonderful and we had several more friends come into our home to help.
Mom passed away six months ago. We miss her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you, naheaton and blueskies. My mother's eye sight is very poor from her diabetes, which she has had for over 50 years now. Insulin dependent. She has dementia to some extent and getting worse. She has a lot of health problems...seizures, bad back, dizziness, etc. She says she can't see enough to have a hobby, but she won't try. I haven't given her any reason to think I'm going to leave...no talk about assisted living, etc. We don't leave her alone anymore, so my husband and I haven't been anywhere alone in several months. If I want to run to town for a couple of hours, I go during nap time. My husband runs most our errands. Mother may feel insecure because of her health problems, bad eye sight and her dementia. She gets mad very easily and says hurtful things when she does get mad. She just has to know where I am at all times...just like a two year old. It's sad for her, but bad for my husband and me.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Your mother is acting like a little child. She seems lonely and insecure. It is time to have a loving talk with her and set some boundaries. This lack of privacy is very hard on you and life with your husband. This is something you can say with out guilt. Can she see well? Is it possible she needs a "hobby" like knitting, or something to pass the time on her own? Needing to be entertained and being the center of attention is something I have had to deal with with my parents. It can destroy your relationship with your husband. That is what you have to think about and try to get things back into a healthy balance.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I remember when my son was a toddler and followed me everywhere! Plus it turned out he had ADHD so he would TALK constantly. The only place in the house that I could go for a few minutes of peace, was the bathroom, but then he'd stand outside the door and talk. So I get what you're saying about NO privacy. Does your mother have dementia or any mental problems? If she does that would probably explain most of it. Why is she so afraid of you being out of sight? Where did that come from, is she thinking you're going to abandon her? I suppose a lot depends on her mental state as how to handle this. If she's okay mentally but just needy, then sit her down and lay out some ground rules. Keep her busy with something that will occupy her for a time so you and your husband can have some privacy. Tell her you're NOT going to run off and leave her, but like she used to need privacy when she was younger, you do too. I feel for ya, either way cause I can still remember after 30 years, sitting in the bathroom thinking to myself 'just one minute of quiet please!!' ha.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have the same problem with my mom and would interested in hearing suggestions !
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.