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Mom is skin and bone, weighs between 60-70lbs. She is showing signs of fluid on lungs. Her respirations are very limited. Has been having seizures off and on for days. She has been in a comatosed state since Thursday wee hour of morning. She is un-responsive when awake. I swab her mouth periodically. When she is awake I have tried some "thickened" water but she no longer will allow fluids in, just runs out of corner of mouth. I am sure dehydration has set in by now especially of moms low intake levels prior to this.I know in my heart there is no coming back. So now, I have to leave it in Gods hands. I am still searching for answers in order to allow myself to let go. It sucks, when you no longer have that control of a situation. My world has evolved around her for so long. I am lost. Just pray that she remains at peace and passes without too much suffering. I tell her off and on its okay to go. Last evening, I sponged her off and put on a nice set of PJ's, I put her hair up in rollers. I told her I was making her pretty for her journey with Jesus. My mom was alway very neat with herself so I thought that would be of some comfort. Maybe this is or not her time, I wish I knew the answer.

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Hi Yellowfeever,
I'm so sorry for you. By now your mom has likely passed, or she soon will. People can go a long time without food, but lack of hydration will take her first. If she's still alive, please call you local hospice. They can tell you that she is in a state where she is not suffering from lack of food or hydration. She is beyond that. You are the one suffering. Please call hospice or another organization like your church, once she's gone, for some grief counseling. You've handled this alone for so long. My deepest sympathy.
Carol
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My husband was in a Convelescent home. He had Frontotemporal Dementia. When he walked in, he went from walking to Wheel Chair and then Bedridden, and died in 19 days. I believe it was because he made the decision not to eat or drink. I don't think it was a conscious decision but more on a soul level. We tried to feed him but he would not swallow, it would come right back out of his mouth. While he was in his right mind he had told me he would not want to live debilitated. I believe he made the choice not to eat or drink.
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I'm so sorry for the grief your dealing with daily. I hope by this time your mom has peacefully passed. I work at a nursing home and have seen residents linger for 10 days with no food or water. We don't know what keeps some of our dear residents going. Sometimes they seem to be waiting for a child to come visit. Your in my prayers.
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my has CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE and has fluid around her lungs as has type 2 diabites with in the last 4 days she has refused to eat and with in the last 2 days she has refused her medications and has been drinking less water dont know what to do
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Father is in final stage congestive heart failure. Weak, sleeps for days at a time, very little food, little cereal, boost or pepsi (he loves). Some days nothing at all. Throwing up food and phlem time to time. Mind comes and goes. Lost a lot of weight. How long can he last without food or water and exercise?
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Mum in hospital now bedridden dementia swallow gone no food for week now on IV drips is this going to get better or how long will this last for?
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Helen, fluids will keep her going for a week or two. Now is the time to call family and friends to say goodbye if they wish to. Now is the time to write the obituary if you can and make funeral arrangements. So sorry you have to face this, I hope you are not alone.
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My stepmother has signed papers to stop life support based on her feeling that the quality of life if he recovers from a stroke wont be worth it. He's 85, the doctors cannot predict how much he will recover, how long it takes and future prognoses untill he wakes up more. She states his medical directive not keeping him alive with a trac and feeding tube, to support this decision. If the doctors say it;s a slow process for nuerological healing, and after 2 mths, she feels justified without consult from doctors. Comfort care being the plan is no food/water but all other meds, and morphine.Its 3 days now and I believe he starting to show signs of the improvement we hoped. Nurseing home gives morphine if they walk by and he looks like he is in pain, not full time.Starving him, trac still in, is conflicting his directive and is cruell.Is it ok to stop life because you assume the future will be bleak? And if you are, why elongate the process and only cut food, not regular meds, and suffer without morphine full time???
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Has Hospice been called in? The NH may not be able to give Morphine on a regular basis due to regs, but Hospice can. Hospice can also provide a social worker to sit with the family and discuss all the options. End of life decisions are terribly difficult and painful to make; adding family conflict to them makes the pain worse.
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The nurseing home said today their facility cannot keep him if trac was removed. If his wishes stated not to keep alive by trac/feeding tube, After his stroke 3 mths ago,nobody has said he was terminal, but would likely need alot of care.. If the decision to stop life support was exorcised by spouse, shouldnt he be moved to a hospice? Can you adhere to some directives, but ignore some at same time? What do I do if I believe spouse's decision making are due to caregiver burnout?
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