My mom is 86 and has lived with my family (I have a wife and three teenage children) for about three months. She previously lived with us for about three years but I finally had to move her elsewhere. She has always had trouble maintaining good relationships with anyone, family or not, simply because she can be so nasty and judgmental. She is happy when you do nice things for her but a day later she may not be speaking to you or causing an argument.
Now she is back with us because she can no longer live alone and care for herself properly. We drove from our home in Virginia down to Florida to visit and found her apartment in hurrendous condition. My wife and I decided that moving her with us was the only answer. There is no way without complete force to get her into a nursing home. She is a retired nurse and absolutely refuses. Even the mention of it causes a knock-down drag-out fight. Living with us can be quite uncomfortable at times as she can create a scene in front of company or with our kids when they have friends over.
She also has a signicant short-term memory loss issue which can create problems when you have done something for her and she doesn't remember.
As for the incontinence, she uses adult diapers and wets herself several times nightly. She stays on the first floor of our home for safety reasons. The showers are all on the second and third floors with only a powder room on the first. She refuses to allow us to help her upstairs to the shower at this point claiming that she cleans herself daily in the powder room. We know that is not true as there are no wash cloths in the room. I have given some thought to hiring a home-health aide but I fear that she will be incredibly nasty to the person and not allow him/her to do his/her job. I would appreciate any recommendations. Should I just force her into a nursing home or work with a home health aide, or take some other action. By the way, my wife and I both work and are out of the home from about 7:30 until at least 5:00. My children are all in school during the day, so she is often home alone. Thanks for any guidance.