Mom has now ended up with the state worker placing her in a facility to check her mental and physical capacity. They feel Mom cannot live alone. Again I’m a only child and live out of state and have to work. Mom has refused assistance for years and demanded that she stay in her home despite many attempts by me to arrange anything to just help. she would refuse, not trust them, run them off, and basically say she did not need help when I clearly saw she did. I cannot do this alone and feel I need their assistance as Mom is now very angry with me. She says she wants nothing to do with me she blames me for all her loss and frustration. All I’ve tried to do is think about her ultimate safety and needs being met. There is no financial arrangements to cover the magnitude of a nursing home bill so a Medicaid application will have to be filed because I don’t think assisted living will be a option. Assistance with the social worker will be needed complete this as i have to access to financial things. I’m so sickened and sad that we are at this place but I’ve tried EVERYTHING to try to keep her in that house and her health has deteriorated. Now she certainly can’t walk well at all either 😢😢😢 Im three and half hours away and guardianship is a risk to run as well because of the distance and her severe anger with me—this seems to just put the limelight on me and would make her more agitated also state Medicaid will be involved and I’m out of that state meaning the application process is a big deal. I love my mom and this is heart breaking no one should ever have to face this !!! I suppose I’m just venting but I welcome any support or advice

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So state services find that she cannot safely be alone. The state will appoint someone to take care of all the details. You could apply for guardianship, but do you have the time to do all of the details. In addition as long as she does not want for you to be a part of her life, she can say so and a judge may not allow it. Please do not feel guilty.
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Well said, GardenArtist.
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Hope, Bar offers good and insightful advice. Sometimes on these long, winding and changing caregiving journeys, we encounter situations such as you describe, in which there are no right, or no good answers. The choices which have to be made are ones which are necessary, but not pleasant to those involved. We caregivers suffer anguish, concern, guilt, and more often debilitating feelings.

Try to distance yourself, and think of yourself as an outsider; what would you do?

I think the best you can do at this point is to research facilities and see if you can work with the state worker to find a good one. State facilities aren't always the best, but if you can find a private one, work with them to get Medicaid for your mother, that might be the best option you can take at this time.

And don't blame yourself; you've done all you can under the circumstances.
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My mom used to listen to the stuff that my husband's mom did ( very much like your mom).

She'd sigh and say "some people are their own worst enemies".

You can't help her, because she doesn't trust. Lack of trust is a lifelong debilitating, I believe.

Thinking about you today. Perhaps with the right psychiatric care and meds, your mom will see what her real needs are.
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