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bathroom and hallway (right outside the kitchen!) smells atrocious. Neither my husband nor his 3 sisters will even approach this subject with her. Is there an answer out there? She definitely needs to wear, at the very least, a maxi-pad... Disposable underwear would be marvelous - but who needs to broach the subject with her??? And - how could I encourage one of them to do it??

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I used to work with a gal in the office who was a wonderful person, but because of her weight, she couldn't wash everything she needed to wash. She used to douse herself with perfume to cover the odors. I felt terrible for her, but unless I helped her bathe, there wasn't much I as a co-worker could do. To this day (35 years later) I can't stand the smell of that one perfume she wore. I lost touch with her after I quit work, but I understand she died from an infection caused by her skin folds rubbing over each other, that she could never get clean. Now THAT'S, a tragedy,
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My MIL was a very proper woman and didn't talk about "those things" whatever they were. She had diabetes and would not follow any of her doctors orders. Eventually, she had problems walking and ended up living with us for a while. She couldn't get to the bathroom in time, so I purchased depends for her. I said, "Kay, I don't want to offend you in any way, but I bought these for you, in case they make your life easier." In the 30 years I had known her, I don't think I had ever said something that made her so happy. She was so grateful. I don't think she would have ever asked for them, but she was thrilled that I had bought them for her.
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You are so right, Baumqark! I'll check into the velcro Walgreens brand of underwear very soon. Maybe I will be "the one."
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I appreciate your response, 3pinkroses! Your suggestion of how to handle this is also helpful. Both of you have offered ideas to think about and I will discuss them with my hubby. I am open to more suggestions if anyone has options to share. :-)
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Not only is this repulsive, it is completely unsanitary. Yes, approach it, I would want to know of it were me. My gma is 5'1" and morbidly obese, wears moomoos. I make her bathe she would never do it but for my family I tough it out. They make briefs with Velcro, I buy the Walgreens brand and they do a great job. Obesity unfortunately attributes to the problem. Good luck
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Thanks so much for responding, naheaton. She is only 5' and probably weighs about 275 lbs. Much bigger at the bottom than the top... And, yes, lots of moo moos and pleated skirts w/sweaters. The reason that none of her children want to talk to her is that she is extremely emotional - especially about personal matters and I totally understand... BUT - this is a huge problem. Anytime she comes over to our home or goes to church with us, the odor is very strong. I'm at a complete loss... I don't know of anyone who would feel "comfortable" speaking with her about this... I would be willing to do it, but I don't think her children would want me to - even though I can be very tactful... Still at a loss...and frustrated...
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This certainly is something that needs to be addressed as you said. Depending on the relationship with her daughters (if they are close and get along) it might be easier coming from one of them. My husband is an only child - and his mother, my MIL had the same problems.

She and I had a good relationship and I was the one to talk to her about wearing the Depends. It might have been easier for me as she had increasing dementia and didn't quite understand things as well.

She was a perfectionist about herself and everything; but didn't realize all this was going on with her body, or was in denial. I suggested the Depends or disposable underwear (whichever you want to call it). Sounds better than calling them adult diapers.

The way I approached it was after she had an accident on the floor and showing her what happened - I very carefully and kindly suggested the Depends. I had bought them and had them on hand to give to her. It is an extremely delicate topic, but it helped so much and she actually agreed to wear them. I would tell her over and over how it was such a common problem and most elderly people wear them at one point or another. This made her feel better that it was something that happened to others as well. Hope this helps.
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Is she obese enough that she would be unable to pull up any kind of underwear? Is she only wearing a moo moo at this point? Would they have something large enough for her to even wear? This is a hard predicament to be in for the family. One one hand you don't want to embarrass her, but on the other hand it's really unsanitary. Does she have a female friend that help you guys out by talking to her?
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