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So I am short of taking mom in to an urgent care facility as she states today she is “not feeling well,” “I don’t want to eat or drink,” “My arthritis pain is still really bad.” She was seen and treated for the arthritis pain but her lack of appetite and her disinterest in even her own little activities of late have ramped up ten fold. I asked her if she was sick or if it was the pain, and I got a vague “Oh, I don’t know I don’t feel well and nothing sounds good to eat.” I ran the gamut of questions, “is it the flu, did you catch a cold, is it the pain.” “Well, I don’t really know.” So I burst right out with it and said, “Mother I think you are depressed, and if that is the case I will HAVE to intervene.” “Yeah you’re probably right.” Mind you this is someone who refuses to take pills because, “I don’t want the side effects,” or, makes me look up the side effects on my smartphone when the doctor writes out a new prescription (I do not do this). I’m so at my wits end and so frustrated, I know you can’t lead a horse to water but she got a little excited about the prospect of going to urgent care - as if it was a “people will pay attention to me.” This is the situation - I am at her house every day. I call her four times a day. I attend to errands, medical appointments, buy and pay for most of her groceries, and support her financially. I realize I sound like I’m whining but I just don’t know what to do here. She doesn’t like any of her doctors (some of them have been rather crummy) and is just content to let life pass by now. “Why bother cooking or eating or whatever, it’s only me that lives here.” She does not have dementia, her mind is sharp, she has to take Afib medication, and that’s all she takes. I feel like it’s my responsibility for her to get/feel better, and I just don’t know what to do. I have older siblings in other states, I’ve let them know today’s situation and I have finally decided that they are going to help me with mom’s care (I’m the POA/co-trustee, etc.,) but I’m not going to do this alone.


Your insight will be helpful. I know I’m not alone here but today I surely feel like it.

My moms favorite saying is "I can do it" as she obviously can not..LOL I tell her I am going to put that on her tombstone! I am so glad your brothers are going to help.
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Your mother and mine could almost be sisters! Mom is getting "slippy" but mainly is frail, and depressed. We spoke to her Dr about it at her last visit, and he changed her antidepressant.. not sure if it's helping or not but she is sleeping better. She misses my dad who passed 3 years ago, misses her old house and life. Feels like she's "in the way" wont eat..you name the complaint and she has it. I know she is in pain.. but hubs and include her in everything we can.. depending on her mood she either comes along or stays home.. all you can do is try.I am lucky that my 85 YO aunt comes to visit several times a year, and mom goes there.. And if we travel we take Aunt along.. they are good company for each other. Hang in there, and I hope you get some help from your family
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anonymous570188 Dec 30, 2018
Precisely. I have invited her to things only to have her turn me down at the last minute. I should say she lives independently in her own home, has no other significant health issues other than the Afib medication and the aches and pains. I’m at a point where I’m beginning to think she is addicted to living this way and knows no other way to be. I’ve offered to cook or bring meals, come over and do housework, but I fear my attempts at being helpful are being seen as me not letting her do things on her own which would lead to a “other people have to do things for me now” way of thinking. Thank you for your support - and I did hear back from my brothers and luckily got a “let us know what you need” back from them. I should also stress that her lack of interest in eating & drinking was followed by her saying, “But I know I should.” This is so patently upsetting.
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