Elder care attorneys and fees. Also question about custody.
My mom and I recently went to see an elder care attorney because mom wanted to update her will, make me her POA, and set up a living will. Mom also asked about protecting assets and what was the best advice if she ever needed a nursing home (e.g. her pension would be too much, what to do, property owned, etc). Mom is 73, severly visually impaired and not in too good health (not critical but trouble getting around, arthritis, etc).
After getting all the other paperwork in order and setting up an appointment to sign documents, the attorney told mom that she can begin the process of transferring assets, etc. to protect herself from the nursing home taking everything and the fee is approx. $8,000 broken down in two installments.
This seems to be a very excessive legal fee to me. The will, POA and living will prices were in range but the other fees seem over the top. Is this a normal fee for this type of attorney speciality?
Also, while we were there, my husband and I asked about a will for us since we have an eight year old child. We were told it would run around $800 for everything and she also indicated that we would need to indicate who would receive custody of our child should something happen to us. Outside of my mom, there is no one. She sat back in disbelief saying we had to name someone and just couldn't believe we had no one in mind (I guess besides my mom). My FIL is pushing 90 and is in a nursing home dying, my dad is dead, my MIL is dead and I am an only child. My husband has a sister he never met and two brothers about as old as my parents who have either been in prison or have severe mental problems. His nieces and nephews are pretty much the same way. I have a couple of cousins but last saw/talk to them at any length at my dad's funeral about 7 years ago.
So, has anyone else been in this situation where the only person you would trust with your minor child is an elderly parent? I honestly think by the attorney's reaction, she will not accept us listing mom. Our family is so estranged or sorry that I wouldn't want our daughter with some of them (who would be after her inheritance or would abuse her). I'm at a loss of what to do on both fronts with this attorney and wonder if we should visit with another lawyer.
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But the $8, 000 sounds extremely high. I would never pay that much, sounds like a bill for a millionaire.
As far as your daughter - you might also consider a teacher that you know and like - you can use an attorney as well - but I would recommend working with a person for a while before going that route. Establish a trust that all of your assets would go into to provide for your daughter's needs - including education. It can be designed in such a way that she would receive a certain portion of the assets at 18 and then the rest after her education is completed... there are many options.
If nothing else there might be some good attorneys that people in your church might be able to recommend - attorneys that have been tried and tested and are people of God as well.
GDPOA forms are available at stationery stores all the ones prepared individually by attorney or more specific to your needs. They need to be notarized.
Trusts are complicated and need to be prepared by an attorney. You can't use a quit claim deed to transfer real property into a trust and you don't want to quit claim property to anyone else because it changes the text structure both inheritance wise and property taxes when the quit claim is filed. In addition if the person in that meeting Medicaid, during the five-year look back, they don't want to see that you changed title on the house unless it was for value (money changes hands). So be careful what you do in that regard.
If you're going to do I trust anyway, the attorney should be able to prepare all those documents for you. The attorney we used was elderly himself and was in a financial position to charge lower rates for this service for seniors. He charged $1500 to do a full revocable living trust and both POAs including HIPPA regs. The usual fee for a non complicated situation is around $2500, certainly no more than $3000 unless there are a ton of properties or investments or unless you're related to the Kennedys of the Rockefellers. $8000 seems out of line.
Get some advice on the estate piece before before you commit.
As far as guardian for your daughter, sounds like a tough spot. Do you interact with her friends and their parents? Is there a teacher or someone who would be wiling to act as guardian? If not, leave that part blank for now, and begin fostering some adult relationships. Although now grown, we set up a close friend from college to be the guardian and they were willing and able. Our estate at the time was designated for the children's and pets care.
You might talk to your local "family services" or free legal services who can explain what happens if you were to pass and your daughter orphaned. What you don't want it sounds like is to not have a designee and then they turn her over to a relative you don't want her raised with or you can't trust.
As to your daughter, what about a friend?
As for my husband and myself, it is $800 for both of us. I would want some sort of allowance for her care. Neither my husband or myself have any close friends that would be in the health or age to take her. We don't have "couple friends" or couple nights out with people. My husband works long, odd hours and the very few times we do have free time, it is going to the store, the nursing home, errands for our parents, etc. In fact, we half-way felt guilty because our family took a walk for a whole hour yesterday (we could have been working on my FIL's house to get it sold). We just started attending a new church and the pastor there is a grandfather himself who is in remission of cancer and his wife was just diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. :( The church is really a small congregation and 80% of people there are my mom's age. The ones that do have kids, I do not know.
As far as your own family, does the $800 (each or all together?) include Wills, POA's and Health Care Proxies/Advance Care Directives for each of you? $800 was the lowest quote I got for one person with all 3 documents. $1200 was the highest quote.
As for the child custody question, I think the lawyer is looking for you to name someone as your child's Trustee and/or foster parent. Raven made a good suggestion regarding close friends or minister's family. It really is a tough issue - because that person will be entrusted not only for the loving care and raising of your child, but also in control of her inheritance money (I believe until she is 18). I would be concerned about setting up a very tight structure about how that money is to be managed, so that it goes mainly or solely for her benefit. I have no idea if there is any precedent or custom regarding an allowance for the family raising her. Something else to inquire about!
As far as your child is concerned, I am so sorry that you are having so many problems, I would suggest that you look at close friends or a minister and ask them if they would consider taking your child to care for them. Although this is not something that will most likely ever happen it is an eye opener. We all just think we will live forever but this situation has brought reality home.