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How do I politely decline a request to a dinner outing that requires my dad to go up three flights of stairs? The couple are good friends and both the husband and wife have phoned me, asked, and insisted they'd like to have us for the party.

They said the restaurant staff could put my dad on a chair and lift him up. I know my dad, despite his Alzheimer's won't like that, and to be honest he won't remember the dinner. Added to that, if he gets the runs or others prompt him to drink for toasts, it will just be days of me having to deal with the runs and an over tired dad.

A simple dinner at our house is what has the most chance of my dad remembering. I'm just out of polite ways to turn them down. So how to? Or should we go??

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Robert if they are your friends and have seen what you have gone through, surely they will understand if you decline the invitation. I certainly would. Seems like if you're putting up this much resistance against refussing, that you really want to go.

Sometimes we do have to go a little out of our ways when we would really rather not.

Funny story (if not just to cheer you up). Couple of weeks ago I was asked to go to a party. Not your average party, one given by someone very popular in the media, which meant there would be all kinds of celebs there, (I'm a chef by trade). Normally I am behind the scenes preping, cooking, and plating but this was to be the party of all parties. I planned to go. At the beginning of the day I was jazzed and as the night approached I started thinking....hmmmmmm Basketball, (ESPN Fridays) wine, couch and I ended up not going. I think it has something to do with age too.

Three hundred times huh, yeah I can understand the repeating. I have to do the same thing with my mom. Although she can tell me about sitting on the porch and eating pop corn with Brosey at the age of 12.

Go then Robert, you may have fun.
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Hi Pamela. Just some background. My father and I have moved to a new neighborhood and have been here a year. He remembers the names of three of my friends who have visited, but not this particular couple. In fact he still doesn't remember the apt and building number we are in, although daily -- about 300 + times we've mentioned it to him and he sees it when he returns from his walk with the assistant. This couple is not like a set of old family friend's that he knew from before, but they are good friends of mine and have helped me in many many ways over the year.
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Did you ask your dad Robert? What did he say about attending?
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But you know how it is, for the outside, my dad looks really good, strong, like he's up to it. I feel like others don't realize the scheduling and naps and the routine that allows this. Although a "special" outing of course it's great, it's not that he really needs it or wants it, he's very happy in his "small" world. These are just such good friends, and I've hinted in several several ways, but they keep insisting. I never realized I'm such a pushover in saying "no thanks!"
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You thank them for inviting you, but tell them that your dad is not up to it. Ask them when it would be possible for them to come and have a nice quiet dinner with you and your dad at your house.

Three flights of stairs would kill me!
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