Follow
Share

his favorite recipe book is from 1963, so most of it calls for shortning, ,butter,cream cheese, everything fattening....i want to eat healthy, im over 300 pounds and my back is always hurting, my feet are killing me, and ive gained this weight since i moved back here 3 years ago. he looks like hes in his late third trimester, and he refuses REFUSES to change any of his eating habits, so fine, ok, i kept my old fridge when i moved from my old house so i buy food for myself. but he insists on making deserts at least 3 times a week and its just the two of us here! i tried to get him to only make stuff if hes going to take it to bingo, or to church, but no... he will make cookies ( my biggest weakness) 'just because he likes to have something around to munch on'. his words, not mine. but he leaves them on the kitchen table! i asked him to at least put them in his room, but he wont. he MUST make something for his buddys he goes to friday night dinner with, but even both have them have said they want to lose weight, one of them has a heart condition and recently had to quit drinking as well. ( thats another story, at the friday night dinner, this buddy of my dad, who is usually already plowed before even getting to the lodge, now MUST not drink, doctors orders. so my dad sits there calling him shirley temple all night! i kept telling dad to knock it off, that aint cool, the man already had a look on his face like somebody torched his dog,, so i didnt drink that night myself. i told him 'look at it this way , you know you wont be getting a dui tonight! and if i can go without booze, so can he. easy peazy..but dad thought it cute to call him shirly temple. does he not get it? ) anyway back to the desernts, one day i put little notes on each and every cookie saying things like 'theres a reason alcaholics dont work in bars' he calls me fat but bakes cookies.
ok second problem, i got a look at his bank statments when he was visiting my sister recently,. no wonder he keeps yelling hes broke. he is, but its not MY fault, he spent almost half his check on quick stop grocery stores to buy stuff for these deserts nobody wants him to make!! ive tried to get him to make himself a bit of money, sell his deserts, they are very good, hes an excelent cook, but they are fattning as hell, and costing him money..
oh, i didnt mention the HUGE sack of flour he bought then stored in the closet where it clearly had black dots moving in it, he refused to toss because it was a big bag.normal people do not need 60 lb sacks of flour!! and use it in a month! we need to eat healthy and real butter aint getting it. i tried to make an old fav of my mom, brocolli ham cheese cassarole, well, HE changed the recipe a bit to be a keish in a pie shell...with butter...and cream cheese.. and God only knows what else.. hes offended when i try to make more simple, cost effective way less calorie foods.. i know he loves to cook, so why cant he cook for people that will rave over it rather than leave it out for me to have to smell and look at..id love to toss his cookbooks but i cant do that, im not a jerk like that.
so how do i get the crap food out and the good food in? how do i get him to not make food thats cooked in bacon grease? ive tried baby steps, lets use Pam spray instead of -ugh- bacon grease..nope...HELP

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
oh, i know what goes in my mouth is on me, belive me bacon grease does NOT tempt me whatsoever.. the 'captive' part was refering to another post i had posted about him pushing me up against the wall when my back was out, yelling at me to leave the house, so as im crawling to my car, he yells 'where the hell you going? you aint leaving here!' and then he cut my credit card that i pay on. he then sent an email to my sister ' do you think she learned her lesson?' i ended up in the emergency room after i had left, my poor dog in my car, he said ,exact words ' why didnt you call me? i would have come to rescue you'. now, see, when you
tell me to leave, cut my means of money to live on, i figure thats it, why would i call him? theres a lot going on here, a LOT.ive been sick with open sores isince i moved here, the doctors teats said im alergic to bugs. so ive GOT to keep this place as bug free as possible. what does he do? brings in a plant with aphids under the leaves and puts it in the spare room.then under my wondow outside. he i had open sores all over my arms,face chest and even after biopsys, he does everything to keep me from cleaning, telling me its all in my head. open sores? if you can see them then its not in my head! it wasnt until i got the house clean by peeling wallpaper,painting, new carpets, clearing moldy leaves that i got better. it WAS the house..but see,he told my mom 'its all in your head' until she belived it, locked herself in her room till she had to go into a home with dementia.. turns out she had been having strokes, but he never belived her when she wanted to go to the doctor..
he will also put spices into food knowing im alergic, then gets mad when im sick and cant clean the house.. so really, im not tempted ( except cookies) what my complaint is about is how muc money hes spending on makings for all these desets that eventually go bad.
but when you tell a person to get out, then stop them from leaving, what do you call it?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I love my 88 year old Mom's doctor. He said "Let her eat what she wants! She's 88, and she got there by eating whatever diet she eats. How old are you?" Some things we stress about are just not worth the energy.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The only person whose choices are yours to control is you. You've got a lot of decisions to make, and the good news is, you're the one who can make them. For example, he's baking, but you're eating. Thoughts like "he's trying to make me a captive" are a distraction -- that sentence is not only about someone else's actions, it's speculating about their motive which we are wrong about 99% of the time, and makes you into the victim of someone else. If you start focusing on, and taking ownership of, absolutely every move you make, you'll also start making different moves.... Good luck
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

jeanne, ive been asking myself that very same question... at first i felt i 'owed' him, they adopted me, but ive paid any kind debt i owed, belive me, i guess my stupid loyalty is holding back. but that went out the window when they threw me out when i found out i was sick.( ill be fine, need overys removed) but 'family'? i gave up my section8 so i cant afford to live anywhere... ill work for someone else, its just recently come to a head. when they tossed me out and canceled my credit card that i pay, thats it.. im so done. screw being hurt, ive BEEN hurt, now im just a fool to stay. its taking a toll on my health and im 44, i cant just get my health back if i let myself get too bad here... after my surgery on the 14th, im seriously going to start looking for somewhere else. hes trying to make me a captive hee and thats not fair, ive gone way above and beyond maid service here, his house was actually 75,000 under market it was so bad, now its back up to market value . ( yes, i check these things, but i came across the housing value site by accident) .
i wonder, since the house is supposed to be split between me and joyce, and she hasnt done a damn thing to help, can i somehow get paid out of her share when he passes?
im not a greedy person, never have been, but i also cant be a fool or doormat here...what do i do?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Why are you busting your butt without pay for people that act like they don't want you there?

That might be a good topic for some counseling.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

oh, the water, i bought a britta filter because the water here is horrible, it disappeared... must be that pesky ghost again...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

thanks for replys, right now hes in the kitchen baking something.. i can hear the blender, but im in my room.this morning his recpie books are out and i asked ' whatcha gonna bake?' he said a fruitcake for joe..ok, what? joe thats married to my neice? that whole side of the family is alergic to something or other, ( i think they just complain) but one is alergic to peanuts, another doesnt like pinapple, another wont eat coconut, etc, so for him to bake a fruitcake for the family? so i asked him 'why? theya re so picky eaters?' his reply was that he drew joes name ut the hat for christmas gifts this year..
ok, so i guess im not invited to christmas yet again this year either... i havent been for the past several years, so thats no surprise.. man, i cant win for losing here! i just keep going back to why am i busting my butt without pay for people that act like they dont want me here? i should be looking to help somebody that does need a hard working cleaner/orginizer.. i do need to consider myself, im just now starting to realize that. my health has gone down way faster than it should, if he thinks he doesnt need me, maybe i should look for someone that does need me. i want to help people, not get fat so i cant work. im sure he does things just to mess with me, and thats fine, to a point. after a certain point, its ridiculous.. the other day i actually talked him into making jello with fruit cocktail in it. great!! thats healthy, easy,right? next time i went walking through the kitchen, theres sticky red spots all over the floor, the fridge, ...so now ive got to mop the floor again, clean the fridge again, and shampoo the sticky carpets... great....i have surgery coming up in two weeks im suposed to be resting....gawd.....im sorry, not great day today.. i hate stress drama and pain!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It sounds to me that there are emotional and control issues at hand. As you know, it's very easy to gain weight when you are the main caretaker and most of it's probably emotional. I think a therapist would be a great way to address this, from the beginning standpoint. Once you realise that you are worthy of being happy and feeling good, the energy will amaze you.
As far as your dad, sounds like his way of controling you ( and from the likes of it, everyone else ). If he is still mobile and can drive, there will be little you can do to stop this. You will have to learn a way to distract your mind when he leaves sweets around. I know it's hard. My entire in-law family are sweet addicts and always have moonpies, cookies, candy and icecream around. I don't indulge often and if I do like a particular sweet, I just have a serving. I do all the cooking here, and have received some complaints from my fil about not frying anything. He will actually tell me that he needs " grease " in his system for health reasons. He is old school south, where every meal is deep fried and covered in gravy.
You could also look at your obtaing good health as a project. Read everything you can about nutrition and eating habits. You could also start with eliminating one bad thing from your diet each week. For insatnce the first week, eliminate soda, the next week refined flour, the third week processed flour and so on. Realize that good health is about YOUR life.
Good luck!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

And DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!
about 2 liters a day, or 10- 8 oz glasses. Your metabolism will speed up if you drink water throughout the day, and eat every 2 1/2 hours, a small amount of protein( 3-4 ounces) and 1/2 cup of a healthy carb, like apple, or salad, with lemon juice and olive oil, no bottled dressing.
There is a Nutrition thread started by Cricket here on Aging Care. Check it out! Good Luck getting Healthy, sebring! Hugs, Christina
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

sebring, this is a serious problem. It sounds like an addiction to a very bad habit, also an unhealthy way of comforting himself.
I would throw out all white sugar, flour, pasta, and start eating protein and fresh fruits and vegetables. Only use olive oil and don't buy butter! You will automatically lose weight if you eat NON-Processed foods. You don't need to exercise until you lose 18% of your weight, which would be 54 pounds. Then, just walk everyday, about 15 minutes 3 times a day. Work up to 30 minutes, then an hour.
I am sorry that your Dad is doing this. It is a form of self-abuse. If you can get him to cooperate on his own, it will be good. Maybe call Overeaters Anonymous in your area. Sit down with him and watch 6 week Body Makeover on tv. He needs some education in nutrition, and you can encourage each other. All the Best:)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

true, but excerize is difficult because of my back, now that im 300 lbs, my feet ache. my energys been zapped lately because i need surgery.im sure ill be stronger after that, it just gets hard when i have no willpower. ive never been real good at burning calories, another part of my problem.
we have a limited budget, id like to learn to eat foods that will give me energy, i just feel like im blocked at every corner.
as many calories as i burn around here id think id lose it, maybe its just me then..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Boy he is old school isn't he? That's the way my mom used to cook, with the bacon grease and butter in every single thing. But then that's when I was a kid running around and working all that fat off, so it wasn't a big deal then. I'm not that good at taking my own advice when it comes to eating, but I've lived long enough to know that I have to USE more calories then EAT. So if you're not able to stop the cookie monster from baking the one thing that you can't pass up, then you've gotta start working those cookies off. I figure if you get enough exercise it won't matter as much right? Many times when I see these terrible obese people on TV trying to lose weight, it's because at one time the guy was an athlete. He used to eat like crazy cause he needed all those calories to keep up with his sport. Then he gets injured and his football career is over, but he still eats like he used to. Now he's lying in his bed at 600lbs still eating like he did when he was running the length of the football field. I've gotta remember that I'm NOT a kid, out riding my bike and playing tether ball anymore. And I've got to stop eating like I am. So, hit the pavement and walk, join a gym, start swimming again or dust off the bicycle. But work off those cookies!! ha
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.