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Some time ago I met someone who was caring for an I'll parent, they seemed exhausted all the time and I found out they get 0 days off. The elder that is in the care of this caregiver is also the caregivers parent. The elder's spouse is verbally abusive to the care taker and anyone that tries to help.

The spouse does things like scatches dry skin from the arms until the poor thing is bleeding then tells the caretaker "oh I didn't do that, I was just helping with the dry skin.", will eat all of the food off of the shared plate that is required or it's decided neither if them is hungry (the care taker feeds the ill parent regardless but recieves a massive amount of harassment and verbal abuse for not being a proper child and respecting the spouse of the Ill parent's wishes to not eat), this person cannot take care of them selves and has for some reason been cleared by the state as capable of caring for the sick elder. This is not possible. If anything the spouse needs to be separated from the sick spouse so that the sick spouse can live comfortably and start eating healthier.

The state for some reason doesn't take this poor care giver seriously when they call in concerned for their mother, being since there is an awkward legal situation and the parent is obviously being abused by the spouse who was cleared mentally yet is a known opiate addict and always steals the pain meds from the Ill spouse and tells the siblings of the care taker that the care taker is stealing meds and isn't sharing (yes that is actually what is said sometimes) I don't know what to do, the care giver wishes to take custody of the I'll parent but the sibling and spouse want to have "them" fired, when such great care is put into the parent by the caregiver.

There isn't proof (unfortunately) other then what was witnessed but the sibling has had the I'll parent hopitalized before and is after the current caretakers job, if they get it, the Ill parent will surely perish, and the one currently doing an amazing job who is tired of watching them torture the Ill parent til death. Just wants custody so road trips can be taken and the life in a solitary room can end for the elder. It's not fair the they are incapable of helping the way they should be able to.

These 2 human beings are being abused. And I can't seem to figure out how to help them! Sorry for the cryptic way of writing my explanation but the family other then the current care taker have it out for me and I'm scared to go into much to much detail.

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I missed something.Why cant the caretaker get somebody out? Who are we talking about here again?
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Sad truth is, the sick spouse cant speak for herself and is used to being told what to do. It will be a losing battle im afraid to say. Regardless of good intentions. But why would the care taker get zero days off... seems a little harsh doesnt it? I wish there was more i could do other then just watch... it is so depressing to know their lives would be better.
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Your last paragraph said it all. The caretaker is not willing to take the parent she is caring for away from the mentally ill spouse. The abused parent is almost certainly not asking to be taken away from the spouse. This group has been doing this dance for many years.

The caregiver has to want change, and s/he must be willing to risk the disapproval of the mentally ill spouse.
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Another thing I failed to mention before, when the Department comes out to assess the ill parent, they spouse plays very sweet and nice. and then attacks the caretaker (the adult child) that its none of their business to have the state come and investigate anything, that the relationship they have is perfectly healthy... It's a very sexist relationship and the sick elder is often ignored until someone is watching or in the same room. The sibling to the caregiver (This is an entirely messed up family affair) constantly wants nothing to do with the parents unless it involves their money. and the parents spent a lot of time unable to purchase much needed supplies and medications while the finances were under this child's care, once the current caregiver (the other child) took over finances, suddenly the parents were never without the money to get what they needed. Now it is a battle, the spouse has given access to the account to this sibling once more and it is causing a tremendous amount of stress on the entire situation again.

How the heck does one just get this sick elder away from those 2? The care taker has a spare bedroom for the parent, but is not willing to separate the parents regardless of how abusive it can get. What do i do to help?
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