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I have really been observing Dad the last couple of days. A lot more than usual. He used to sleep about 15 hours a day and now I noticed the last couple of days he eats and watches little TV and then goes right back to bed. He is starting to look really worn out and tired. Earlier he went to the bathroom and was gone for a long time. I went to check on him and ask if he was alright and he just snapped at me especially when I opened the door because he wouldn't respond to me. He was sitting on the top of the toilet seat cover and looked as though he was too weak to get up from there. Now he is starting to look like a bum and not trying to do anything with his personal hygiene right now. He won't even listen and stares right past me and he will not accept help from me. He just says he will get around to it. The sugar eating has slowed a lot and the meals I give him he eats but acts like he doesn't want it. He has started drinking more water but it isn't improving his urine. It is still very bad but I don't hear him complain about having to go urinate a lot like he was. Whichever illness this is that is destroying him is progressing fast.

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angel16, I think your best course of action is to wait for an emergency and let the EMTs get him to the hospital.

Meanwhile, I think I'd drop taking his glucose readings. What you are getting is consistently high for a person who doesn't have diabetes. Not in a danger range, but not "normal." But the reading is only useful if you are going to do something about it. I take my reading 3 or 4 times a day because that tells me how much insulin to take. It may be useful to take a reading multiple times a day a week or two before seeing a doctor, for the doctor to see a pattern. But just taking the reading and doing nothing about it is like taking your temperature several times a day with no plan to do anything different based on the numbers.

Taking a blood glucose reading is not curative. In its self, it in no way improves the person's health. Since your stubborn dad is so resistant to your efforts to care for him, perhaps giving this action up would make him feel good.
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He needs to be followed up with a A1C blood test for diabetes ...it will show his blood sugars for the last 3 months ..I pray,he feels better soon , please keep,us posted
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windytown. I will keep this in mind. Any advice is helpful to me right now.
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angel16, Call 911 'non emergent'. I think the cost is a little less I think and no fire trucks and sheriffs with all their lights. I had to do that with my mom last week. They were great people, the EMT folks. All my best to you! This is so hard!
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Yes. JessieBelle. This is the plan of action. I am just waiting on it. I need to talk to the paramedics and doctors about all of my concerns. Today is a very bad day. He told me to leave my own home. And luckily for him I am still paying premiums on a secondary insurance to pick up extra costs. Thank goodness!
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Angel, it sounds like your dad is far beyond your ability to care for him at home. The next time he falls call 911 and take him to the hospital. Medicare will cover most of the expense, though the ambulance can be rather pricey even after insurance. It sounds like your dad seriously needs a skilled nursing facility. If you cannot lift or transport him, this is too much for you.
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Oh, I see you've already answered this. I didn't see the post above the last one.
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Will he use a walker? Rollators are very convenient, since they have a seat if he needs to sit down.
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I wanted to add that for the past month he grabs on to everything around him to hold himself up.. so he has become very weak and if he were to go outside and there is nothing to grab on to then he will surely go down to the ground. Since I am responsible,, it would be on me if I let that happen.
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If I could only get across to people and I even get asked this when I do get to talk to people I know in person. Dad has a walker. He is homebound. He cannot walk outside the house because he may risk falling. He cannot get into a vehicle nor can he get out of one. The only choice he has is for someone to come get him on a stretcher and bring him back on one. I can't pick him up or carry him or even hold him up. Unfortunately these are the circumstances and his condition so I cannot get him help unless an ambulance comes to get him.
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Pay no mind to the QA at the end of my post. This is really hard for you. I will keep the both of you in my thoúghts and prayers. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing and remember you are not alone
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I would just take him to ER and have them check him out. You can tell them he wont take meds, etc. That will force ER to admit him for more tests and observation. Then you can get with case worker at hospital and the dr and demand a mental evaluation workup along with physical. Maybe you can get him into residential care pending their professional assessment. The worse that can happen is they send him back home and then you can just let nature take its course -- as ive been told many times " elders have rights including rights to make bad decisions" ...unfortunately it falls on us but you have to come to terms with "letting it go" and not rescuing him. It has taken six yrs for me. I fully stopped rescuing and trying to get her seeing it my way...she is now at least letting APS stop by every 2 wks to check on her. Shes as stubborn as your dad.
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Read the paperwork on the blood glucose strips. They may not be giving the right readings if they have been sitting up. Does the type glucose meter you are using have to be coded. QA
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He is 76. Mom passed away 3 months ago. He will not take medicines therefore he is not on any. The first month he cried about Mom passing away and then he didn't show any more signs. He doesnt even react when I talk about Mom and how she is missed by me. I loved that woman.. She was my heart but he always was bitter toward her because she was ill.. Well..he is ill now so I guess I am the one who is bitter because he is ill. He didnt have the right to talk bad about her because at least she was trying at the doctor it is just they caught the cancer too late. I take his blood sugar readings before and 2 hours after eating. He is up eating at night every night. So I dont get a chance to take his blood sugar in the morning first thing and even after dinner i cant because he will go directly to bed. So the two meals breakfast 2 hours after. Before lunch and then 2 hours after lunch then before dinner. He sleeps all the rest of the time. I helped Mom when she used to do her readings. She took hers 4 times a day.
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Angel, when are you taking those blood sugar readings? First thing in the morning? Right after eating? A couple of hours after eating?
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Angel, he seems to be very depressed along with some other illness possibly going on. If he ends up going to the hospital from an emergency such as him collapsing and you having to call 911, make sure he gets evaluated for that, also. How long ago did your mother die? Has he just given up on life due to that? How old is he? What medications is he taking? Sit down with him, try and hold his hand and tell him that you love him. Let him know that you miss your mom, also. Maybe he will open up to you. He and you both will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Sandra
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Yes. He rejects hospice. He has a mind set that doctors and medicines kill people. He has also been a very stubborn man most of his life. I have tested his blood sugar. I have a meter here from where Mom was a diabetic. The readings are ranging from 135-145. He does tend to grab the sugary snacks at night and early mornings though. Even if he refuses to have care for his illnesses at least I would have some info to know ..for me it is living day to day in the darkness with him and apparently he doesn't care to know but at least I would have some idea what to expect. He has been saying for 2 years now he wants to die.. That tells me his quality of life is no longer existant.
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Here are early symptoms of diabetes:
being very thirsty
frequent urination
weight loss
increased hunger
blurry vision
irritability
tingling or numbness in the hands or feet
frequent skin, bladder or gum infections
wounds that don't heal
extreme unexplained fatigue

You could check his blood sugar level at home, if you care to buy an inexpensive tester.

But what if you find out he has diabetes? Or liver problems? Or cancer? Or a UTI? If he refuses treatment then knowing what he has might not be so helpful.

Has hospice stopped coming because he rejects them?
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Yes JessieBelle and windytown, those are the answers I am looking for. I have been on the computer researching for answers. I found so many different illnesses. From kidney, liver, pancreas/ cancer/disease. To various infections. I am aware of of infections spreading rapidly as I went through it with my Mom. She had what doctors said was an UTI and kidney infection that eventually spread to her kidneys and liver amd then she ended up having drain tubes put in to drain abcesses. Several months of oral antobiotics then last 3 months an antibiotic continously through IV. The infections never responded to treatment I guess because of the rapid mestasis of the cancer. At some point these infections knock you down and drain you. I do give Dad a lot of protein and meals with vitamins. His hair doesnt grow on his head like it use to. Its been months since it needed a trim amd the weight loss.. I know weight loss is part of dementia but no matter how much he eats he still gets smaller. Weight loss is dramatic with cancer too. The fact that he has been physically disabled with his walker now for 2 years has left him to the point where he couldnt get to a doctor if he wanted to. Unfortunately some of his health problems needed to be addressed a long time ago and now he has made it bad on me as well as on himself. The fact that I am left guessing and wandering from day to day what is wrong with him is not the only burden he has given me but the burden of me trying to take care of him with all these problems because he never thought of how he would be cared for when he got to this point in his life.
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Oh gosh! I do understand your frustration. The urine thing sounds like a urinary tract infection definitely. That can be painful or sometimes not in the elderly. Mentally a UTI can really knock them for a loop. That kind of sounds like what your dad is going through. A UTI is something he should be checked for, but if he's like my mom, nothing happening.

My mom's in intractable back pain for two weeks. Had her to the ER and then a doctor. None of the treatments have worked. She needs to go to a hospital and get a full workup. She adamantly refuses.

It's torture for us when they leave us in the 'not knowing land' due to their own stubborness. It's selfish of them. Wanted my mom to go in today when my husband had time off. She refused. I fully expect her to ruin the New Year's Day. Probably will be in the ER.

I think she is dying of colon cancer and melanoma. She claims no bowel movement in a week or more. No doc, so I can only guess.
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Dark urine would make me wonder if there was some liver disease or failure. This could cause mental problems that mimic dementia. If there was liver trouble, the toxins and metabolites can build in the blood and affect all organs, including the brain. I do hope you can get him to the hospital soon for both his sake and yours. What I wish most is that you could get him to go to a doctor to have blood work done. If it is liver, it could be reversible. If it isn't liver, then maybe they could find out what it is.
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I am wanting to know if someone knows what other illness he may possibly be experiencing other then dementia. I understand that some of his problems are dementia but things that have still been getting worse such as bad smelling dark orange urine.. I dont believe that is just dehydration as hospice said..he most likely has an infection and it could have spread elsewhere. And he could also have cancer, disease, etc. I know the dementia will get worse. But more than likely he will die from something before the dementia gets him.
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What is your question for this forum, Angel? Or were you just wanting to vent?
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As they say.. "You can lead a horse to water,, but you sure can't make it drink"
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He already refused to work with hospice. he refused medications. he has no doctor and hasn't seen one in years. Yes. Hospice evaluated him for dementia and wanted to treat just the dementia but he will not take medicine, He is a stubborn man and has been all of his life. Well. I can be stubborn to ,, since I have no power over his health then there will be none. I am still and have been hoping that he will soon have to be taken to the hospital and that I can at that the very least have him in the hospital and get him to a skilled nursing facility like I did with Mom. Medicare is his only option. Hospice wasn't even helping my situation. Oh.. We can help you and take a load off. They haven't helped me with a dang thing other then tell me all of this stuff they were going to help with. The man has 2 choices. Let help be given eventually or suffer. I have become at my wits end when they no longer acknowledge me.
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Angel, your father has dementia, right? Dementia is a progressive, fatal disease.

Have you discussed his behavior and symptoms with his PCP and/or the doctor who is following his dementia? It would be good to find out if there is anything going on that could be improved by treatment. I'd start there.

People with dementia decline -- they get worse -- and eventually they die. Perhaps what you are observing is decline.

I wonder if this would be a good time to consider a hospice evaluation. If it isn't appropriate at this time, it will be in the future, and starting by setting up a contact now might be a good move.

I am sorry.
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