Every time I visit my husband who has early onset Alzheimer's, he gets very upset when I leave. What can I do to ease him?

This is so very sad! And your husband is so young. Hugs to you both.

How long does he stay upset? Does he quickly calm down after you are gone? What does the staff say? If his upset is just a few moments when you are there, maybe you just have to accept it. If this continues for a long time, I wonder if some medication might help. Anti-axiety maybe?

When my mother was first in a nursing home my sisters and I tried to make sure she was engaged in something as we left. When staff came to take her to bingo or entertainment or a sing-along, that seemed a good time to say good-bye. Or just before a meal when she was seated at a table with other ladies. And we always made sure she had magazines or her crossword book or something to occupy her. After a few months she wasn't upset at all when we left. (She had dementia but was not in the memory care unit.)

This has got to be heartbreaking for you. I hope it improves as time passes!

Ah
I'm so sorry
You're both so young

My mom has meltdowns when I leave when visiting her at memory care and so I generally visit at night and leave when she falls asleep

If I have to be there during the daytime and can't stay until bedtime then I try to time my leaving to a meal and then skip out without saying goodbye
Yes it's hard to not be able to say goodbye so I always make the arrivals a big deal with a hug and a kiss - if she's in the common room when I get there then I catch her eye from. Across the room and start waving to her
If you think about it, isn't it always so much more fun to greet someone than to say good bye?

You might ask the staff to distract your husband when it is time for you to leave and, then, you can just quietly slip away. A hug, a kiss and an "I love you," prior to the distraction, without including a "good bye" will be emotionally positive for both of you without triggering distress for your husband. This worked really well with my grandmother. My thoughts and prayers to you--and your husband. May God guide you on your journey...

I like what jeannegibbs suggested. Try to come up with some distractions for your husband when it's time for you to leave. It could be an activity at the facility or a puzzle book you brought him. Maybe some cookies or photos you brought from home. Get creative.

Make sure to hang onto whatever it is until it's time for you to go.

I'm sorry you and your husband have to go through this.

My mom has dementia and never wants me to leave either. Can you try bringing a cd player and maybe playing his favorite music right before you go? He might enjoy this and you can give him a hug, kiss, and tell him to relax and you will see him very soon. Sometimes long goodbyes make it harder on them. Perhaps a soft pretty blanket to put around his shoulders with a hug will help him transition to being alone. So sorry, I cry every time I leave my moms nursing home, but remember you do have to take care of you. You are doing your best, Hugs and prayers

A tip from a friend of mine; I'm just going to the toilett back in a moment, as soon as you have gone they will forget and it saves you becoming upset:-)

What time of day do you visit? Staff at my mom's memory care facility has asked that visits are in the morning or early afternoon. Once her windowing behaviors begin, everything is very hard on her. When leaving, it has always been to run a few errands and will be back shortly, which seems to work. She forgets almost as soon as someone leaves that she had visitors.

Never say you are going home. For Mom, she can't understand why she can't go too. I just tell her it's time for me to go and I'll see her tomorrow. If I have her wash, I tell her I'm leaving to do it.

Pammypoo53....
I was lucky enough to be able to keep my husband at home but at times the caregivers did have to deal with a bit of anxiety when I left the house. Those were usually the times when I left and did not tell him where I was going and that I would be back. I would, if he was awake always tell him I was going to the store, to a meeting, to a doctors appointment or whatever and I would give him a kiss. I always gave him a kiss when I got back.
Tell your husband that you are going to a meeting, to work, to a doctors appointment and that you will be back. Give him a kiss then go....do not linger.
Do not tell him you are going home. That may upset him.
And do not allow people to say...you are young and he is young you should be able to care for him at home, don't allow anyone to try to "guilt" you for placing him. NO ONE knows what happens to get one to the point when this decision has to be made. I have been to enough support groups that I know with the personality changes that sometimes happens that physical, emotional and verbal abuse is a very real possibility. Sometimes from the most mild mannered people that prior to their illness would NEVER have raised a hand, raised their voice or said mean things. but this disease that robs the brain of normal function changes the person sometimes it is for the better often for the worst. . All you can do is keep saying it is not the person it is the disease. But that does not help the sleeping with one eye open for fear that you will wake with a knife at your throat, the person has taken the car and gone who knows where, that the toilet has been taken apart and the first floor is flooded. And any number of stories that I have heard.
So if you can honestly say...I have done the best that I can for him and for me....then sleep well for the best is all you can do.

Just for clarification, "early onset" is not the same as "early stage." Early onset refers to the age the person was when the symptoms first started showing. Dementia usually occurs in persons over 70. But some people develop it at 50 or 55, etc. If it starts before 65 it is referred to as "early onset." It just means it started early. It could be at a moderate or severe stage.

"Early stage" refers to the beginning symptoms, usually fairly mild. This could happen at any age. It could be a very short period before the symptoms get worse, or it could last for years.

Most persons in early stage do not need care in a facility. Persons with early onset may need a facility when their symptoms progress beyond early stage.