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She is very demanding and too much for one person to handle. She has been living w/my sister in Mich. and she is totally burnt out from caring for her.

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What to do with an aging parent is never easy. Where you say that your mother is demanding and difficult to care for, my mother is not overtly demanding but allows me to feel guilty for my decision to put her into an ALF. She participated in the decision b/c when I showed her the place, I told her to try it out for 2-4 weeks and that I would NOT sell her house, in case she didn't want to live there. In less than 2 weeks, mom assured ,me that she wanted to live in the ALF.
She seemed to realize that her panic attacks and lonliness of living alone wasn't good for her. Now, she drops hints to my sister that she isn't happy but that "I haven't any other choice." I think mom (along with my sister and brother) always assumed that mom would live with my husband and me since I have the room. I have always told my sibs that I couldn't have mom live with me b/c she is very dependent and I wouldn't have any private time with friends, vacations, etc. b/c she would want to be with me 24/7. If mom had a personality where she could cope and entertain herself (I work 20 hrs/wk and my husband just retired and it isn't fair to put him into the job of caretaker)I wouldn't mind mom living with me. I just know that I would come to resent her each day. (Also, I have childhood issues of her not protecting me from an alcoholic, abusive father). I visit mom about 3 times/week and take her out for occasional outings such as lunch, manicures, etc. but I feel a load of guilt for mom's unhappiness.
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I very much agree with The Fixer~as any transition can be difficult---I personally think that she would be best off going into assisted living. If you are unable to have a conversation with her about this-perhaps you neurologist or family physician can be of assistance. I have been this route-and in my case it was a neurologist who made the suggestion. Coming from a professional and not a family member may work best.
Best to you and to your Mom--on the transition-and in the long run-this could be the best way to go for everyone involved.
Hap
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It is true that there some very nice assiting living that do day care. I do have a simple question are you your mom's power of attorney, legal rep, or have a legal epoxy in case somethng happens. Do look around at different places. Some of them let you bring your love one for a visit and even have lunch. If your mom has to go even for day care have pictures and make sure things are in order. I was never told how sick my own mom was with Alzheimer's before I brought her to Florida to live with me. it was too much but I did have a place set up for day care and they were able to take her. it is a hard battle taking care of someone you love and making sure take care of yourself. I did it for over ten years. Some of it was long distance from Florida to New York. Mom had two good years with me even though she was not in my home. I was there all the time . Trust in yourself, don't let others make up your mind of what to do. That is your mom. Good luck no matter what you choose.
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There are ALFs that do day care. Maybe once a week or occassionally you can drop her off when they have activities set up that day. She can make friends and have people her own age to talk with and eat with on those days. I have one parent that lives with me and another one in a ALF and the one in the ALF is blossuming because of the companionship she has in that house and the interaction she gets on a daily basis. Where the parent that lives with me does not have that day to day interaction and I have tried desperately to get him involved with SR centers etc..and I feel I waited too long with him. He is set in his ways living here and does not see the value of the outside interaction or how much he could get from being around people his own age etc... What ever you do ...start as soon as she arrives and make it part of living experiece while she is with you.. That is my experience. Good luck and I hope the transition is easy.
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As gently but firmly as possible and letting her feel she has as much control as possible about things here and there, where to place things what to bring, getting her used to a new routine, not just disappearing once she is there I guess.
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If possible I would move her straight into assisted living, once she settles into your home, she may never want to leave. Tell her the room isn't ready yet, water leak ruined the floor.. whatever. One transition will be easier to handle in the long run than two. Best Wishes.
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Dear teriguet06, you know your mother best and if she is a difficult person then no doubt you will have a challenge on your hands. Have you picked out a nursing home yet? Contact your states ombudsman for information. Are you paying or is Medicaid? Or is the payment to come from your mother's estate and if so do you have power of attorney? Get everything in order. Tell your mother it is needed for her well being. Tell her she can have a say as to what nursing home she is at or it can be chosen for her. But even that choice might be to much for your mother, either way have them already picked out. Be firm but loving. There are some very good ones out there. She will resist you, cry, threaten. You will feel bad but if you do your research and make a sound decision then trust in that decision. In time she will settle in and make new friends and see the advantages of living there. Pick up the book "A Caregiver's Survival Guide" by Kay Marshall Storm. Good luck
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I would be firm and let her know that this is just a transition period.

They hear what they want to......which isn't "your living with me mom forever and I will take care of everything you want first and foremost". but is probably what she wants.

IMO there is no "easing into accepting", you just have to do it if that is
the situation that is needed for your family and your mom's best level of care.

This might sound cruel but children are not responsible for their parents.
This it needs to be because you want to do this & are not forced too
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