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I know that this question is a bit broad, so forgive me. I feel Mark has been showing some signs of dementia. For example, there was $585 taken from an ATM with his debit card. He has a debit card that is separate from my account for his SSI. Anyway, this money was taken from an ATM. I do not drive and his nephew was not present to take out this money. I asked him about this, he does not remember it happening nor was he even aware his debit card was missing! If it was a a tiny amount I would shrug it off, but this $500 (it could have paid some bills).


He keeps forgetting passwords and will order new cards for those accounts. He has chunks of time he can't even recall that I visited and has started to forget the names of some of the dogs we had for years. He has gotten a lot more demanding. Some times he is there, but a lot of the time it is like he's not. He even forgot the name of the place where I have been working for a year prior to this. he has trouble working the phone these days.


I am not sure if the hospital has conducted memory tests on him lately. I know when he was in rehab (over a year ago) they did. I did not doubt his memory at the time as it was fine, but now I am beginning to wonder if he is having early warning signs of this happening.

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Maybe it was a typo but $585 out of an ATM seems incorrect, as they dispense in tens and twenties, right? So your second amount, $500, sounds correct. Now, just about everything you describe does indicate some decline, so your husband needs an evaluation by a professional, preferably a geriatric specialist who looks at many possible factors for cognitive/behavioral issues. Don't delay, get an evaluation so you are prepared for the future. You need to be 'in the loop' on all his doctor visits, as his next of kin. There is a wealth of information on this site and in the public domain as well, online, in libraries, and in support groups: take advantage to educate yourself so you can do what's best for both of you. Since your husband has been ill for some time, there could be many reasons for his behavior as others have mentioned here.
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Reply to Santalynn
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Are you sure it wasn't the nephew? You mentioned that Mark was going to give him money to renovate a room. Maybe Mark let him use the card and forgot?
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Reply to LilyLavalle
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DoggieMom86 avatar
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DoggieMom86 Apr 11, 2024
Yes, in this instance I know it wasn't. Mark had his card at the facility and his nephew wasn't driving because he hurt his back.
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DoggieMom86: Pose this question to a neurologist.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I have first hand experience with the “in office dr visits memory tests” don’t show completely what we witness at home on a daily basis. The test gave a slight showing of cognitive decline for his age. Yet what I’m seeing 24/7 is far more. Be very wary! My husband is what yu described yous. It’s very frustrating n hard to live with.
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Reply to FOTONUT
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AlvaDeer avatar
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AlvaDeer Apr 10, 2024
DoggieMom's been writing us about Mark for some time Fotonut. Currently he is in and out of intensive care; he's a very ill man. This would likely be a bad time to assess for dementia, as most in ICU situations have serious confusion, loss of executive function, amnesia. I sure agree with you that the tests often do not reflect what you see in the home, but Mark's situation is somewhat unique at this point, and it is no time to assess him for a diagnosis of dementia.
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Someone took $1220 out of My Dads account . Does sound Like he May need a Nuerological exam . Sorry this is happening . Yes things start Out slowly and progress .
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Reply to KNance72
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If you are interested in helping him at this time maybe talk to a hospital social worker about emergency guardianship and give them the evidence of the unauthorized withdrawal. Who ever is doing it may keep doing it.

Or, contact that bank and give them a heads-up about his situation and that you suspect unathorized withdrawals.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I've read a little bit about yours and marks life, and his struggles. But I'm pretty new, so sorry about al your troubles.

I feel like with everything that has happened to mark, that it wouldnt be a surprise if he is having some mental decline. Hopefully it doesn't get worse.

Good luck from the bottom of my heart
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Obviously someone took the card and used it at the ATM. They have cameras so the bank should be able to access the ATM footage and see who used the card. Obviously it wasn't your husband because he has been in the hospital. There is a reason they advise family to take wallets and all personal belongings because a lot of theft happens in hospitals.
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Reply to sp196902
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I have control of all of the cards except the one he gets his check deposited into. We have no credit cards ATM so that is safe. He changed the password on his card so I could not access it and did order two new phones we don't need.
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Reply to DoggieMom86
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Mark is too ill now to assess this. You cannot do dementia testing in the circumstances someone acutely ill, in and out of ICU for MONTHS is concerned.

Patients in ICU have amnesia, almost always, and cannot retain anything they are told while hospitalized this ill.

Mark should not be in charge of his finances or his cards right now. I think you must know that.
As his wife, are you also his POA, because right now he has not the ability to have executive function good enough to handle finances I would think.

All of this acute illness and hospitalization is now ongoing for months. If he also dabbling with charge and credit and debit cards that's frankly a scary thought.
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