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I live with my elder parents. My mom will tell stories of things that have occurred in her past in which she is very angry at the person in the story. She raises her voice and will shake her finger in my face as if I am that person with whom she is angry. It unnerves me to no end! I think she wants me to agree that the person is horrible. If I don't agree she gets even angrier. She will tell my father how horrible I was and then he gets stern with me. I am sure she has made up something to tell him that I did to "wrong" her. I do need to live with them as mom is almost blind and dad has some health issues and they provide me some financial support.

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Wonderful comments from everyone. It does seem like a visit to the doctor to ask about medication is a good idea. Over medicating isn't good, but the right medication at the right time can be very effective for some people. As was mentioned, everyone is different. What works for one person may not work for another so experimentation may be needed.
Good luck!
Carol
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At this stage, mild anti-anxiety meds would help. Ask her MD. Also learn how to redirect the conversation and avoid agreeing with her. Remind her that getting her blood pressure and heart rate in an uproar should be avoided, then change the conversation to something more pleasant. Kiss her cheek and tell how much you appreciate her, then excuse yourself to take a shower or go to the store for her.
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My Dad has been gone a year now and he was our rock. He shielded Mom's mental illness the best he could until we all left for school and careers (3 girls). Mom is 81 and we are now 62, 53 & 51..I am the youngest. I relocated home from 5 states away (that was no accident being so many miles away) from her. My sister's and I keep our sanity now with great communication and rotation for "time off," lol. Mom is bipolar and has been narcissistic since 'forever!' She has hypochondresis and is non compliant with her meds, (always has been). She tells her stories and will become very angry. She blamed my Dad in the early years for any and everything to "build herself up." And now that I'm here-- I'm the scapegoat. Her stories from years gone by carry the theme of consistent 'all knowing supremacy' and "you girls know nothing! Daddy used to say "honey, I don't need Google. .I have your mother and she knows IT ALL." Oh-how we miss his humor to deal with this! The dementia is such that she keeps the anger during the story telling (if she's eating- she will thow her plate forward yelling "you've made me lose my appetite." She was always the negative (glass half empty) type...but that has changed to angry outbursts of her early and midlife story of sacrifice in raising children, keeping house and sisters that she was better than! Thankfully my sisters and I work well together which helps with the stress. I hate to see her 'melt-downs' and her doctor is trying to find something that will work. (I wish there was a transdermal patch to put in the center of her back) that we could use as fool proof delivery of an anti anxiety type med!, smiles.
Until then--thanks for this forum fellow caregivers..
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I don't know about early dementia... Until very recently, my Mom has been one of the most lucid and brightest people I've ever known, but she gone into this negative and emotional focus on past events for years... She will re-live unpleasant encounters - usually from when she was working - and in recounting them (for the 50th time), she becomes angry and emotional all over again, as if it is happening currently. She has always had a negative side, so... I believe she is reliving these events because they stand out in her memory, and since then she hasn't really had much drama or a focus to grab on to. There hasn't been a lot of "excitement" since she retired, and her memories are of the times earlier that stand out. Unfortunately, a lot of those memories are of the negative issues... She's 95 now, lives with me, is blind and has mobility and balance issues, and just recently has shown some memory lapses and errors, but she is still bright and intelligent. I know she'd really take offense if I tried to "divert" her to something else, and would really get angry with me for patronizing her, so... I just let her talk, and sometimes do just tell her I understand that upset her, but that was then and, frankly, I don't want to hear all that negative stuff again... Sometimes a direct (but calm?) reaction can jog her off the subject...
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Pam is right. I cannot tell you how much our lives improved when my mom got the proper meds. She is calm and pleasant and happy to see me. Just six months ago, she would throw her hands up and roll her eyes when I appeared because she had just been complaining about me to someone. The people she was talking to (in AL) would not even speak to or look at me. What a trip!
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What I have found (had two parents with varied types of dementia) is that everyone responds differently. There are medications that can help as the others have mentioned. I found it helpful to realize that while my mom didn't remember what was discussed in the short-term, she stored the emotion. So it might help just to agree with her, stay calm and respond in a friendly, loving manner. Your relationship is changing which is tough for all of you. I have been writing about my journey and this post about I finally learned how to respond to my mom may help dealingwithdementia.wordpress2012/10/01/how-i-disarmed-my-contentious-demented-mother/
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Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I caught her last potential anger outburst before it escalated (I am getting good at predicting them) and asked her to tell me something happy in her childhood. I asked if she had a bike, doll babies, how she played with them, what made she and her siblings laugh, etc. This immediately diverted her attention and she was happy. I do know this is temporary, however. Until then I will be thinking of more happy questions.
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My aunt, 93, with early dementia, spends many hours at night obsessing over her anger at her strict and critical late father. She calls other family members (though thankfully, not in the middle of the night) and recounts the events of the past that anger her, along with some from the more recent past involving other family members who she feels misunderstand and discriminate against her. Her doctor has given her melatonin to help her sleep and has increased the dosage when it didn't seem to be doing the trick in calming her at night, but is reluctant to give a prescription drug that might cause hallucinations or other distress. We all try to reassure her about our care and concern for her, but as for the past, she must "accept what she cannot change." She spent so many years intimidated by her father, and only in about the past ten years has had the "nerve" to be angry at him. Unfortunately, she refuses any type of therapy which might help her work through her feelings more productively. Truthfully, I wish she would advance to a stage of dementia where she would be free of these tormenting obsessions--they are so painful and exhausting for her and she is unable to let them go in her present state of mind.
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Until I started reading this web site, I thought I was the only person whose parent lived to tell their negative woe is me I've been wronged, cheated on, lied to, abused by...person. My 90 yr old father had a very rough first 17 years of his life. He has had a rich, prosperous, happy, selfish, ME ME ME lifestyle for over the past 50 years. Yet every story is how someone did him wrong. When I ask 'tell me a happy story', he may start into something nice for 30 seconds, which rapidly dissolves into yet another how someone ruined his life. No meds have helped since he has been this way his entire life.
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Yep hubby is the same rants and raves about the current situation and the people who should but are not doing anything about it and the punishments they should recieve. I agee certain people are out of control and many parts of the system are rotten but I did not shoot that person. He has agreed to stop and mostly does after I allow his his daily time of rants, while i have loud thought running in my brain of more pleasant subjects.
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