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I'm caring for Mom (85) suffers from dementia (mild). She will not accept the fact that she no longer is able to look after herself. Talking calmly, and being honest, rational and letting her know that she has family and a daughter that love and want to have her in our lives works for a while, until she has a 'spat' and demands to be 'taken' to her home 3 hrs away, and left there on her own, because she wanto to stay at home.. She maintains her strong desire to 'stay' on her own at all costs. She has had heart surgery, 2 knee replacements, has fallen 2 times. (when left on her own over 3yrs ago). Im wondering about whether some form of medication can pacify her. Advice ??

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Hi all, here's the latest with my mum. As per my last post regarding starting on this 'new' medication, well, the results after 3 days of going on the meds has been disasterous.. She developed a very upset stomach which couldn't be calmed, even after alot of mylanta. She became sleepy (alot) and her appetite suffered. She was only 58kg to begin with. I have stopped these pills and her stomach aches have eased, and she seems much better. I can't believe how 3 days on these pills have affected her so badly. Will speak with her gp in 2 weeks for review. At this stage, I feel that such pills can and do deteriorate a persons health particularly someone at 85yrs. Will keep you posted. Please be aware.
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Hello, well, here's an update about my mum. I took her to her GP and had a good private talk with him. She had a mini-dementia evaluation and did quite poorly with this. The result is also due to her poor english. Anyway the doc has prescribed her EFEXOR_XR on a low dose and to see how she goes. I'm going back to him at his request in 2 weeks. He might also refer me to a geriatric doctor for further advice etc. I hope this helps. I understand that 'toing-and-froing" (sorry about the possible incorrect wording lol) might not be the best thing, but under the circumstances, I have no other option. Whilst she does have forgetful moments (often) when it comes to her being 'pushed gently' to the possiblility of selling her house, she goes quite narky, irrational and starts to 'threaten' me with doing something stupid, like running away. So, at the moment until i can better manage her, I am trying to keep her 'happy". But, this is not always the outcome. So, we will see how things go with the meds. I wish to thank you all, for your support and understanding. It's nice to have an outlet to discuss and not be harshly judged and made out to be the bad person. I do love my mum, and have cared for her and my father for the past 11 yrs whilst juggeling a family of six. My poor dad passed away 5yrs ago, and I miss him so much... He had an amazing love for family and always preferred the company and value of family above everything else. He often said he would sell his house without question to be with me and my family who adored his gentle nature. Mum, not so much. She values her privacy at the cost of her health, and wellbeing. In a way she is quite selfish, but I still love and care for her. I know that she is not thinking in her right mind, and have to be more tactful with her. God bless her womanly opinions... I will keep you all posted. God bless xx
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Moving a person with dementia back in forth between homes actually makes the dementia worse.

Your mom needs a specialist in geriatrics which is more specialized than what doctors who are GPs are trained for.'

I don't know if you mom's insurance requires her to get a referral from her primary care physician or not, but you will eventually need if you don't already need a specialist in geriatrics.

Good luck and take care of you and your family in the process. Keep in touch.
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thanks everyone for the wonderful advice. Yes, I have POA. And yes, her behavior is starting to have an impact on my, and my family's life. It's very hard for me at times to be happy and not let my moods reflect onto my husband and family. The hardest thing to deal with is the guilt, that I feel, when faced with this. It's hard to have privacy and freedom to 'come and go' as you please. I think for my own sanity, I will look into respite and getting her in 'day-care' once or twice a week where she has the opportunity to interact with other people and engage in activities, even though she complains of costs (which are minimal). I can now 'see' how hard it gets for adults to care for their elderly paraents and maintain some degree of sanity and normality within their family circle. I'm seeing her GP in a few days and then take it from there. The biggest lesson i have learnt so far, is that her behavior is not necessarily intentional and that she is no longer of sound mind. Patience as they say, is indeed a virtue!!
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Absolutely take the respite, while you can. Keeping the peace won't work for long -- you are probably already getting really tired of that routine, and besides, it's taking you away from your own family! You need to point that out to mom. A visit to her doctor is the next step. He or she really needs to convince mom she cannot continue to live alone, and then mom needs to decide where she wants to go. If she's not competent to make that choice, then hopefully you have POA, and will do that for her. If not, get POA or guardianship, and then it's completely up to you. Take a look at all your options, and don't assume it will be any easier, if you decide she needs to live with you. It won't be. It will be the most difficult and challenging time of ALL of your household's lives. It affects and impacts every aspect of your life. If she's already this much trouble part-time, AL may be best for everyone in the long run. Difficult people become impossible people when they have dementia.
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thank you! I'm going to talk to her GP for further advice. I have been 'keeping the peace' with her by travelling every 12 days to her house, staying for 3 days or so, and then travelling back home to my family with her, and repeating the process!!! Even that, she will often not be satisfied with, demanding she stay on her own. When I try to talk sense to her and say that she can't and we will come again, she has a trantrum, and makes silly threats, like i'm going to run away and then resorts to swearing at me. What can i do, I'm learning to igore her behavior, and I'm considering respite for some time for me to be happy. She saps the life out of me!! Thank you, and I appreciate the advice xx
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Xanax and possibly an SSRI or SNRI will calm her down, but they will not make her rational. Dementia is progressive and not reversible. We have refused mom's insistence to go back home, she is doing well at Assisted Living.
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