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I'm at the point of 'purging' friends. I have one friend in particular, who used to be a caregiver for her mom, who never emails, calls or gets together unless I push the issue. She even said she only wanted to get together after I'm done caregiving. I have such little free time, being a 24/7 caregiver, I want to start only spending time with people who are more uplifting. Is anyone else experiencing this? Sometimes I think I'm just being oversensitive because of the stress of caregiving for my mom.

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I am lucky that my two best friends have both dealt with dementia. Ones parents had it, and she was a godsend when my folks had to move in with me suddenly, and the others hubs has lewy body .They listen to me gripe, I listen to them,, and then we try to go do something fun.. like a meal or shopping for a few hours while our families see we get a break. We are lucky we have familys that can do this,, but some hours with an agency to help would do the same if you can afford it. I call it "running away",, and my mom and hubs laugh but they get it. Maybe some friends in the same boat or from a support group would help you feel better. Even the dementia group would welcome you I am sure.
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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I've lived in three states in the past few years and in each met some very nice people at knitting and hiking groups. I can be feeling like a freak over my "problems" and go to a knitting group or hike, only to find that every one of the people there is struggling with something.

I also read somewhere to go to events and not say a a word about your problems so that no one knows to ask you about them later when you don't feel like talking about them or the problem has passed. I tend to brood, fester and wear my problems on my sleeve so I tried this and found that it gives me a mental break and people seem to like me better than when I b*tch too much!
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Reply to Davina
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You might try Visiting Angels. I used them for a while once or twice a week for a couple of hours. They will play a game with her, have lunch and even help clean. If you or your mother don’t think it’s a good match, they want to know and will send someone else for the next visit. Then so to a movie or lunch with a friend and try not to talk about you mom. You need a nice break mentally and physically. Pray for God’s guidance, strength and comfort.
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Reply to ConnieMH71
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Thank you all for such helpful responses! I am going to take a break from this friend. I will try Meet up, they do have a good selection of choices in my area. A knitting group for winter and hiking group for summer. Love everyone on this forum, you have been such a support and encouragement!
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Reply to kbuser
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Sounds like you and your friend need a break.

You could find something new that interests you such as a bookclub or check meetup.com where there are all sorts of groups--hiking, yoga, language study, knitting. You're bound to meet some nice people and it will give you something to look forward to.
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Reply to Davina
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Lots, when Trump took over.
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Reply to Cats4Ever
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Yes, friends disappearing in hard situations often....only tough ones still there...that's what I found out when mom went to the hospital and now in rehab and possible NH....many people trying to escape those who in a negative mood, that's normal for man psychology....unfortunately
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Reply to poetry21
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don't you just love those fair weather friends??? DW has many of them that she hasn't heard from in over two years. Literally she has only two friends west of the Mississippi River. And only my brother east of it.
And I think one is drifting away. We have been invited to visit but I don't feel comfortable taking DW on a long road trip.
The other doesn't visit very often but she will visit or call sometimes.
The only way to visit with the others is to go play bingo, which DW no longer can do. We have actually gone there and the "friends" only has a few seconds to say HI before running off to play.
I wait and hope someone will call or visit. I doubt it will ever happen.
The same for my contacts. Nothing.
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Reply to OldSailor
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im the kind of person that would be happy getting a couple text message - once or twice a week. just hearing from someone with a quick hello and how are you. I care.
I am not a full time care giver tho. my moms in AL.

I do have a friend and she will do that. we don't text on and on...but just to say HEY im thinking of you. and that helps so much.
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Reply to wally003
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I am 69. I had a group of friends I grew up with. As the years go by, they have dropped off one by one. I would keep in touch but I feel it was one sided so I stopped trying. Lately I feel I am losing a friend of 64 yrs. I was sitting here thinking about it and I realized, my life doesn't parallel hers or the other friends. When we were young, I was the one married last. I had my first child five years after their first. A divorce made a difference. Thought when I remarried I would be brought back into the fold. Didn't happen and they all knew my husband. When I was raising my youngest, their children were graduating HiSchool. Then my 15 yr old got pregnant. Now I have a grandchild they don't have. I watched him for 3 yrs while his Mom finished school. The last five years I was watching my second grandchild, went right into caring for Mom. My friend has never had to take care of a parent or grandchild. Her grandchildren are grown, I am starting over again. Yes, it upsets me but I think I have excepted it. I also have put the ball in her court. Her husband has a weird schedule so its easier for them to tell me when they have time then me bug them. I have been going to breakfast with a friend I worked with. She is an up person. Same with a couple of sisters I went to school with, lunch next week. Then I have my hubby. He is my best friend. We do a lot together. I do have an old friend I enjoy being with. Right now she is caring for a husband and is a go go person. Involved in everything. But when we get together we have so much fun.
Yes, find people who love being with you and go out of their way for you.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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CG for my mother was one thing--just PT, really and not in my home. DH's many, many heath issues has caused all but one or two of my "true" friends to head for the hills. I simply am too wrapped up in his care to have time to work on maintaining friendships.

He has not said, once, in 12 years that he feels "fine" If I ask, then it's ALWAYS "I'm so very sick" I'm so very tired" I'm so worn out"..to others he'll put on a "face" but we don't go out or socialize with anyone but our own kids.

Married couples are uncomfortable going out with (essentially) single women. Single women don't want a married woman hanging around them. It's kind of a lose-lose situation.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Aww, thank you! I have looked into caregiver support groups, but the only ones in my area are specifically for caregivers of Alzheimer's patients. My mom, who I care for, has Parkinson's and not much dementia yet. I do get a lot of comfort from all of you on this forum :-)
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Reply to kbuser
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Caregiving can be a awful experience. Your friend may not want to relive the stress. I would not just purge her but get to the root of her thoughts.
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Reply to tacy022
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If not, we're always here🤗
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Reply to Pepsee
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Hi Kbu,
Maybe you could check with local hospitals or office of the Aging and see if there are any caregiver support group around. You're bound to make new friends there,no? It's worth a shot.
Good luck .
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Reply to Pepsee
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Yes it can and does happen. The real test of friendship and even family is after the person passes.
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Reply to shad250
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