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Am I asking too much here? Am I drawing a line in the sand, throwing a red flag at a bull, spitting into a fan? With the pending move of my father into my home, he does not have any financial worth to come to the table besides SS. He will be able to maintain himself in my hoe with that regard but if costs become more than is income how do I handle that between siblings? One has no ability or motivation to help financially (always cry's poor mouth), the other is on the level with me financially. My sister agreed to help but we all know how that starts out. I am not looking to help with expenses of my home (unless we have to add something). The heat light and food is the same so that is not a worry. But down the road for medical or other care eventually. Do I risk alienating my sister? She can go off pretty quick (I've seen it, not pretty), we have a decent relationship so I don't want to jeopardize it. Or do I wait until it becomes necessary? I have seen how families splinter during a crisis and I do not want that. Is it best to wait? Has anyone done either? I am not looking for a formal doc but maybe something in writing? Am I asking too much here?

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I would work on vistation/taking dad out contract first, if I could go back in time. Money is the easy part, or should I say the part that can be managed. The TIME is hard. - thats my two cents - 4 years no breaks:( but no regrets:)
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T: I've read both of your posts. If I get the big picture, you are contemplating moving your dad from his home town into your home. It seems like he's still cognitively competent and able to work a bit. But of course, we all know that this will at some point come to an end and he will either need extensive in home care or need to be placed in a facility. In your position, and looking back at the sudden changes in my mom's condition over the past three or four years, each change took me and my brothers by COMPLETE surprise; I would consult with an eldercare attorney at your dad's expense. Getting his financial house in order, being explained the "facts" not by a family member but by someone dispasionate well versed in these sorts of things might be a wake up call for you all. ABOVE ALL, I find that remembering that our parents' money is THEIR money; we should not make decisions with an eye to inheritance (not your issue, but maybe that of your sibs); and that THEIR money needs to fund their care, not yours. You're going to need it for your own care down the road. I wish you the best.
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Not only that, but when your father passes, you will be at peace with yourself knowing that you did what a child should do for their parent(s) at end of life. Your siblings....not so much. Nobody realizes these things until their loved one passes, the voices will be in their heads..."I should have helped more, I should have been there more, I should have spent more time with dad and now he is gone" etc.
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Thanks, that does help.
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I would suggest getting together with all your siblings and having a discussion about Dad. Let them know what is all necessary to care for Dad. Let them know that you are willing to take him into your home and partially help take care of some of his medical expenses if he runs out of funds, but that you are going to need help from them as well. Look at resources outside, as well. Medicaid may pay for some of his needs if they are doctor ordered (PT, OT, incontinent supplies, etc). Also contact your local Council on Aging to see if there is any local area financial assistance. If siblings can't contribute financially, possibly can they help with prescence? Can they provide respite care in your home to give you an occasional break? Can they come help you do laundry or mow the lawn in the summer? Maybe just supply laundry soap or toiletries that Dad uses just so you don't have to? Everyone can help a little bit in some shape or form. Can they come help do the weekly pill planner or take Dad to doctor visits? Help doesn't only come financially, it can also come in the form of assistance. Our parents need 24/7 care, dad has dementia, mom had a stroke and can't walk anymore. I know our electricity bill has more than doubled due to having to keep the house so warm, and washing soiled linens and bed pads, and our food bill has increased to ensure our parents are eating the proper kind of diet. We don't receive any assistance monetarily from siblings because our parents pay for all of their personal needs and then some, and Medicare/additional insurance takes care of their medical, so we don't need it. We do receive respite assistance from one sibling, and from my son, just to allow us breaks to go to the grocery store, our own appointments, etc. Another sibling is going to travel down from up North as soon as the weather breaks to give us a few days break so we can actually leave the house and go somewhere for a nice weekend. There are many ways siblings can help, just to give you a break...the most important thing is to communicate with them and voice your needs to them. If one sibling agrees to help a little financially, ask if she can do an auto draft monthly from her account to Dads (provided you are POA), provided she can always afford it. Nobody is legally bound to provide financial help, and sometimes it gets hard to get money or assistance from siblings. Nonetheless, enjoy this special time with your father, you will be making beautiful memories with him and providing wonderful care for him in his end of life era. God will never give you more than you can handle. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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