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This is a difficult and sensitive area, confidentiality.
What could you do? This won't be the last time you take the heat for doing what you thought was right.
There is a saying:
"No good deed goes unpunished."
You did nothing wrong, take that as consolation. imo.
Contacting the doctor after being told to stop wasting his time-would that be rude?
There could be a whole lot going on here including the doctor's poor attitude, as reported by your Mom.
Does your Mother or your family make calls to him often?
Is this your first call to the doctor?
Does she seek medical attention too often when she is lonely or bored? Does she live alone, drive a car?
In addition to memory issues, does your Mom lie, make up stories, that you have noticed are exaggerated or untrue? This is called confabulation.
Anything else you have noticed about Mom?
How old is your Mom, and does she have any other conditions, medications, or alcohol that may interfere with her memory?
Be assured, that in a family, it happens often that the person first noticing these things and having caring concerns is not heard, not given any credibility, and discounted.
This happens a lot to the primary caregiver, and is perpetrated by the family, siblings, friends, and yes, even by doctors. You are not alone, and many here have experienced what you are going through.
Start documenting your concerns for the time you will be taking Mom to a geriatric specialist who will listen. imo.
update: All those wonderful answers were not showing when I drafted this post. Obviously Carol, you are not alone!
As you say, you have no idea what the doctor ACTUALLY said to your mom. He could have said " your family has concerns about your cognitive functioning; they sure are a great group of kids". And she'd STILL be mad, am I right?
YOU did the right thing. Here's what I would do next; I'd write the doctor a very sweet note, saying that you're so glad that he took you concerns seriously, and you're so glad that mom reported back that he did a full cognitive assessment and found that your fears were groundless.
I would type this and I'd send it return receipt requested so that you have proof that he's recieved feedback on what your mother told you HIS assessment of the situation is. This puts the ball firmly in HIS court as to correcting your mom's perhaps mistaken impression.
PS, i think you're a great daughter!
That said. The man - how did someone put it so beautifully? - hasn't the sense God gave a cucumber.
There are two possibilities. 1. see above. 2. the doctor genuinely expected her to appreciate your concern and agree to objective assessment of her cognitive function.
Diplomatically, it was plain stupid.
In terms of his patient's best interest, he has not only wasted an opportunity to confirm or investigate her mental health but has succeeded in arousing her active opposition to that.
The wasting his time bit sounds more like your mother's interpretation of his having said something along the lines of, ooh, I don't know "I hope this is a waste of time, but maybe we should just check you over."
If it were me, I'd take 24 hours to recover my temper. Then I'd send him an email. Say you regret the loss of an opportunity to carry out a thorough baseline assessment of your mother's mental capacity, which would have been so useful for monitoring her health in the future. Lay out a few (five or so) specific examples of the lapses you and the family have been noticing. Ask if he can advise you how you might in future ensure that problems are addressed, seeing as your mother is now unlikely to accept your input whether or not she needs it. And ask if he can recommend any experienced geriatricians or older age psychiatrists who might be called on should the need develop (you don't have to add: and who might be more use than a chocolate teapot).
But do sleep on it. You must be seething, and you don't want to be dismissed as Angry Daughter.
I think legally, unless your parent has been declared incompetent or failing to thrive, the doctor has the old patient/doctor privacy to consider. It's their oath they swear to isn't it. The old Hippocratic oath "do no harm" and all that. If your Mom is mad.............I guess she has a perfect right. Her doctor did the right thing in my opinion.
It says yours is the top answer!