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My mom and dad have been living in my apartment in my 2 family house for 16 years . I bought the 2 family house when I got married and we all agreed it was so my parents could help with the children . My parents kicked in enough rent to pay my property tax back when it was 3,500 a year which equals 300 a month the going rate for my apartment would be 1500-2000 a month .
I divorced my wife 5 years ago and still live in the home . My taxes went up to 9600 a year and now my mom is paying 500 a month (my dad passed away ) . When he passed away he gifted me his car but because my mom is on ssi I let her forgo rent for 14 months ( 8000) . I retired on a modest pension but never planned on staying in this expensive area . I feel obligated to stay because my mom is still healthy .
My sister got divorced and needed a place to stay so she and my niece moved in for 2 years and lived with my oarents . Though she got a full time job she paid nothing in rent and refused to do anything to help out . I would travel frequently so if it snowed the house would be laden with snow til I returned .
Fast forward to today when now my insurance company is charging me renters insurznce for my mom . I am paying that . I explicitly stated that there would be no dogs in the home but my sister got 2 and expects to kennel them in the apartment with my mom whenever she travels .!
Since the economy went south I am barely squeaking by . I have 3 brothers and a sister and they all are succesful . One travels to europe twice a year and has plenty of money .I told my brothers that I am struggling and one told me "sell my expensive toys to support your parents .
My mom goes to a casino 2-3 times a month for entertainment . She does not have much to do in life so I do not begrudge her that .
My brothers barely call her or visit but my sister does visit often .
At this rate I need to withdraw $ from my home equity line to the tune of 4,000 a year to stay solvent . I can move to a much less expensive area but have my mom
.When my dad had in home hospice I spent 6 hours a day attending to him . My brother went on vacation the last week my dad was alive . He said he wanted him to go on the trip .
Any advice or opinions greatly appreciated . Let me have it I can take the criticism if its due thanks !

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You sound very kind-hearted, caring, and also capable of planning and looking out for yourself. With every good intention, you've gotten yourself into a situation that is not now in your best interests. I say let the past go. I don't know whether your brothers and sister are just clueless or also selfish, but you can't go back to the past and you couldn't change their behavior if you did. The issue to focus on is how to make your own resources last so you can take care of yourself the rest of your life.

I don't see why you are obligated to provide your healthy mother the home she currently lives in. If you feel you want to continue to be involved in providing her housing needs, it seems to me you could do so in a less costly way. That is really the heart of the matter, isn't it? Do you have to continue to live beyond your current means in order for your mother to be able, with your subsidy, to live well beyond her means? She pays $500 a month and lives in a $1500 a month property. As long as you could easily afford this, I congratulate you on your generosity. The situation has changed. You can no longer easily afford this. Your response to the situation has to change (it seems to me.)

Start looking for alternatives for where you and your mother can live more economically. Look into renting out both sides of the twin home vs selling it. Living on the equity in your home doesn't sound like a good option to me.
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Thanks for the advice . i forgot to mention the last time my sister had a dog stay against my will .the dog tripped my mom and she tumbled down a whole flight of stairs breaking her thumb . Thank god that was all that happened .
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You are neither.... you are in a situation you could not have forseen.... have you spoken with your mom about getting a smaller place and it being in her best interest also as she won't have to spend as much either...??? Talk with her about it and see what she says and how she feels about it...
Now, the boarding the dogs.... well, maybe it's time to set some boundries with Sis and let her know that's not ok... not now or ever and she will have to make other arrangements.. If she gets angry, just keep in mind that people that take advantage of others will always get angry when told NO.... no big deal, she'll get over or not..Give yourself some time to get firm with yourself so that you are not manipulated into going along with something you do not want, and even stated earlier to her....
If you downsize will you then be better off financially??? Hopefully the answer is yes and you won't have to ask sibs for anything....and be turned down.... I just see you as trying to figure out what is best for your life right now.... you can't make everyone happy, so do what you need to do for yourself, and hopefully Mom will be ok with it.... let us know what happens.....
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I forgot to mention I never did have children though we planned on it .
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