Is it bad that I don't want to change my dad's dirty diaper anymore?

Everyone has their limits. That was mine with my mother, and why she is in Assisted Living. The other was a bedside commode. Sorry, I could not handle that at all.

You are not a bad person. Stop putting guilt on yourself. It sounds like it is time to place him in AL or NH.

It most certainly doesn't make you a bad person. You've hit your breaking point, that's all. We all have one.

Now you have to figure out what you can do to get your life back. Does your dad live with you? Is there somewhere else he can go?

No, you are not a bad person, but you will tell many times tell yourself you are..you are not! It is a difficult task being a caregiver..no one knows unless they have been there.

Of course not. You are ABSOLUTELY NOT a bad person. There is no harm or shame in admitting what your limits are; and if a dirty diaper is your limit, then that is what it is.

If this is temporary, maybe you can manage; but if dad's condition has deteriorated that he is incontinent; you can consider hiring someone to come in and help with dad's care/toileting/hygiene or you can look into placement for dad.

Its okay. Don't beat yourself up. It is hard to do these things for our parents and maintain their dignity. Some of us can't, some can. No judgement.

I think it's quite understandable! Can you arrange for some respite care so you can take a break?

One thing that makes it easier is something my mother came up with before she died. I use it with my dad now. Put a liner/stick on incontinence pad inside the diaper. It is working for urine and small amounts of poop. I can follow dad to the bathroom and zip off the liner, put it in the covered trashcan in the bathroom and zip in a new liner. There are adult diapers with tabs on each side on hand if he becomes bed ridden (I can roll him side to side). Dad and I have a time to tend to his butt, right before bedtime. Sometimes I have to cut off the old diaper (he is overly "frugal") and at bedtime I use wipes and vinyl gloves to clean his butt thoroughly. He cooperates (I've shown him pictures of his red butt when it does not get cleaned well, thank heavens for the cell phone camera) so he knows why I need to do this. His cooperation here helps a lot. HOWEVER, I am so grossed out by his bathroom, that is hard to deal with. So, don't feel bad if you can't handle the diaper. Try some of the above, see if that helps. If it does not, call the MD and see if you can have in home care, or maybe it is time for him to go to a nursing home. Good Luck.

If you are a bad person, then so am I. It really sounds like your dad needs full time professional care. Have you looked into it?

How much would you have to enjoy changing dirty diapers to qualify as a "good" person?

Caring for your father means making sure that he is as safe, comfortable, healthy and happy as possible. It doesn't mean you have to do all the hands-on tasks that no one is comfortable with, let alone like it!

Getting help is often the right thing to do - I wonder if it's because it's easier that you feel it must be wrong? No no. Your father will benefit from skilled, experienced care just as much as you will. Your conscience can stop bothering you on this one.