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My NJ dad is mentally incompetent and VERY abusive. I'm his healthcare & durable POA. I don't want to be his healthcare POA, but I will continue to pay his bills. He is getting released from a hospital to a long term care facility and the hospital is telling me I have to continue to be his guardian. What can I do? I know in NJ you can walk away from your parents (I don't want to do that), but I don't want to be in charge and no one else does either. Do we have any immediate options?

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Burned, if all you want to know is how to resign medical and not financial PoA, and not a more comprehensive view about how to handle this situation, then your lawyer is your best bet.

It seems like the best placement for your dad right now would be a long term care facility with a psychiatric specialty that will accept him Medicaid pending, not a regular nursing home. Work with the discharge planners at the hospital to find the correct place.

Has he been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist at the hospital ? Are they trialing him on meds to ease his agitation and psychosis?

If my relative was acting out in a nh setting, I would not pick them up. I would have them sent by ambulance to the nearest psychiatric emergency room.

Sorry for giving advice. Most of just can't help ourselves.
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can't spell I too stressed
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You tell the hospital that you are NOT his guardian and you resign from the medical POA position.

You cannot be forced to "be in charge." If your dad was declared by a court to be incompetent to make his own decisions and you were appointed to be his legal guardian, then you may need to go through some formal steps to resign, but even then you can resign.

It sounds to me like Dad should be a ward of the state. There is no particular benefit to him of having you handle what little finances he has.

If you wish to maintain contact, visit him in the care center.
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GardenArtist, with all due respect, telling someone to "pull up their big girl panties" is a rude statement when she could have said something more appropriate like "you have to be stronger that ever and now you must do...." She may not have considered it rude, but I also thought it rude when I read it. Sometimes, a person feels like they are at the end of their rope and the last thing they need is a flippant answer like that. We all just want to help; some more than others but I guess after reading some of these comments, something rude comes out even when you don't mean it to be so.
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Terry, I do see your point. Knowing Maggie, I don't think she intended to be flippant; she was just using a colloquial expression. But I can see that the OP might have misinterpreted it.
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You can't be forced to be your dad's anything.

You are no hid guardian unless you have been do appointed by a judge. The hospital had no authority over you to act in any manner on behalf of your dad. Tell the social workers that you are no longer going to be his HCPOA. If there is a successor HCPOA in dad's documents, inform that person in writing immediately and give the hospital that person's name and contact information.

It is interesting and even somewhat troubling that you have chosen to handle his financial affairs. Expect people to be rather surprised.
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Thanks for your reply. I pay his bills only. He is living in poverty and will be going into a facility under Medicaid. His owns nothing. Medicaid has a lean on his mobile home.
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Here's the deal. Ride this rough spot. You say he was a wonderful father. Right now? You need to be a wonderful daughter. I don't know what guilt you're carrying, but dad is out of it. He trusted you enough to appoint you. How about putting on your big girl panties, signing him in and giving everyone a chance to make their arrangements???

A wonderful father deserves your best. He's mean now? Don't see him. But help your father. You will NEVER be sorry.
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@UncleDave: There are no attorneys involved as we are a poor family. There is an Eldercare attorney who has spoken to me in the past for free. She told me to call her anytime. I hope she remembers her promise.
@JeanneGibbs and @Maggie Marshall: My dad is abusive to everyone around him. His HHA's whom he let me put in the house 3 days a week told me no one will put up with him. The nurses in the hospital told me he is extremely difficult. I imagine that he will be thrown out of nursing home after nursing home because of this. I've met plenty of sons, daughters and spouses that have received calls at midnight telling them to pick their relative up in the morning. My sister is a hospice nurse and sees this all the time. She said this will probably happen more than once with our father.

I am not in good health and to sacrifice what little I have left for a dad who has turn psychotic is certainly not a good choice for me. It's not just signing him in, it's taking calls all night long, it's the stress of someone telling me to pick him up and find another place for him.....I've pulled up my big girl panties so many times in the past 5 years that one more tug just might break them.

That said, I asked a question about having to be his medical POA. I didn't ask anyone's opinion on what I should do. I appreciate your answers on my original query, but to offer your unsolicited sentiments is downright rude.
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Burned out, I want to stick up for every one who offered what you considered unsolicited advice. They were trying to help, not be rude, and that determination is unjustified.

Posters come here to ask advice, and often learn there are other options or issues that can affect and/or help their decision. That's all people here are trying to do is help you. To conclude that they're rude is inappropriate.
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