I don't want to be in the will

HAHAHA Thank you so much for that! That's exactly what I'm going to do with the money! I'm going to make sure they all know it was donated by her! This is the first time I've laughed so hard I snorted in a long time. NAACP or LGBTQ is going to love her. Maybe I will sign her up for some newsletters before she dies. I'm going to send them donations from her. I told all her case workers today to go straight to charging me with abandonment. "Let's do this" was how I closed my emails. So...if I need bail money.... lol

Oh good Lord! While my mom isn't a homophobic bigot, your grandma sounds a lot like my mom. Although my mom does have friends - she is a different person to them than she is to me. When I told my mom my father had passed she made the exactly same reply granny did regarding your mom. And the whole "I've got rights" bullsh!t is enough to drive you to murder, I swear! I once asked my mom "don't I deserve to have a life of my own?" - she was insisting I let her move in with my family. Her reply? "Don't I?" Three things never occurring to her evidently - 1. When she was my age she had retired early, was traveling the world, taking art classes, lunching with friends - doing whatever the hell she wanted, my father be damned. 2. She put her own mother and older sister into nursing homes - visiting a lot less often than I do. 3. There was no such thing as "her own life" any more. For her to "have her own life" I would have to give up mine for that to be possible. Mom was completely incapable of independent living - she couldn't even change her own pooped depends without covering herself head to toe in poop - and the entire bathroom. So yeah - I feel for you. And - if there's three things I absolutely can not tolerate in a person it's bigotry, homophobia and being a bully. Do what you have to, to keep from being arrested but continue your stand that you want out! Have you considered getting an attorney to get out of this? It would be cheaper than getting arrested! And STILL - if there is any money left in the end - take it! Donate it to the The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People or a LGBT organization!

She has no friends. No family. I knew that when mom died so I thought I'd help out. My mom had POA. I had to get that changed and get the old woman to the bank to even cash a 25.00 check she had. She then had to file bankruptcy due to racking up 60 g in credit card debt from QVC. She couldn't even make the minimum payments on the cards. This has been one headache after another. I "implied" responsibility for her by trying to help her with all this crap. So a word to the wise... DON'T HELP ANYONE unless you are okay with them taking over your entire life. i asked her today how it felt that the only way she could get anyone to help her at all was under the threat of prosecution. Her response? "I HAVE RIGHTS".

Churchmouse...it's DSHS and APS making the threats. I said in a collective email to all of them that after taking her meds to her today I am done. If they deem me responsible for anything else, just go ahead and file abandonment charges. I will deal with the repercussions of taking her to the dr and buying her groceries that week after my mom was buried.

When you say that you are being threatened today with charges for not taking her her meds... who's doing the threatening? Grandmother, or somebody who could actually draw up charges?

Because if it's her threats that are worrying you... You can always tell her she's full of it, you know.

I have told her over and over how being her caregiver has cost me so much. I've lost tutor clients. I've had to leave my PART TIME JOB so often it's a wonder I still have it. My own health has declined. My husband and family miss me. I haven't seen my grand daughters since August 2. She is a full time and then some job. Still not enough for her. She wants 24/7 365 care. Not from just anyone. FROM ME. She tells her sob story to telemarketers. When she fired me, I called APS. They said they'd be filing an emergency intake since she was a vulnerable adult unable to truly live by herself. That was Fri. Yet today, I'm still being threatened with charges for not taking her meds to her. I did it...but made it clear that was the LAST time and she had plenty of time to make other arrangements and I was only there under the threat of prosecution. I sent emails to the case workers and said if there was anything else I was deemed responsible for to just go ahead and file the charges. I CANNOT continue to live like this.

She is the biggest racist, homophobic bigot you'll ever meet. And no person was EVER Christian enough to be her "friend". She has nobody. She's been like this all her life. She had one daughter. She made it clear to her that she was an accident. She never wanted to share her husband. My gpa died in 1977 leaving my mom to deal with her all those years. My parents built their house on my grand parents lot. Front doors 25 ft apart which worked for them. I believe she put my mom in an early grave. And now she's doing the same to me. I have done EVERYTHING for her since my mom died. She manipulates. Things like..craps herself whenever I am gone for the weekend. I come home to soiled clothes in heaps...STUCK TO THE FLOOR. She was "down to" 11 cats when my mom died. I re-homed 3 and when she fell this last time, re-homed 6 more. She's down to 2. Her house is DISGUSTING. No sooner do I clean, then cats are scooting their butts over the counters. All with her blessings. She is a hoarder. I was diagnosed with CLL in Dec. It matters not ONE IOTA to her. Had all the medicaid paperwork done. Arranged for her to go to AL. We did all the intake. Last minute..nope. "I have RIGHTS. I'm staying home". Fine. I told her she'd have to find someone else to do what I do. I called APS ON MYSELF. I called DSHS ON MYSELF. Under the threat of "abandonment charges" I have to meet her basic needs. Her games have been going on for years. When my daughter went and told her my mom passed away all she could muster was "What's going to happen to MEEEEEE!!!!" She is of sound mind. This is how she's been all her life. She has NOBODY.

So.... basically things reached a head three days ago. What happened? How do you plan to go about handing over her basic care needs to someone else?

The will issue is a red herring, really, isn't it. Being your grandmother's joint executor of whatever estate she leaves is the least of your worries - and besides if the worst came to the worst you could always donate the funds to the party she didn't support, or throw cash into the ocean, or otherwise get shot of it.

But wouldn't it be a good idea to share what she's gone and done this time? And, by the way, I am hugely encouraged to see you state "I am NOT my mother." Excellent start.

tensharp - taking whatever is left and left to you doesn't mean you have to change a thing now - like I said, if she decided to change her will in the mean time because you have nothing more to do with her doesn't mean you'll be any worse off than you are now. Believe me, I'm not saying kiss up to her or anything even close. There is a saying I'm a big fan of "Living well is the best revenge". Take the money and do something fun with it - something you know grandma would disapprove of. I bet you'll feel better.

There is very bad blood between us. We never had a relationship. My mother died suddenly 10/2013 and because I took her to the dr right afterward, according to DSHS and APS, I implied I would take care of her. Nobody else can stand to be around her. She has nobody because of choices she's made throughout her long pathetic life. I am forced to make sure her basic needs are met under threat of "charges of abandonment". She kicked me off "her property" on 8/20/16. She "fired" me. I want NOTHING to do with her. She has cost me enough physically, mentally and financially for almost 3 years. She left her house to me...I DONT WANT IT. I'm sure the state will take it when she goes on Medicaid. She is 93 years old still living alone. It worked when she had my mom right next door to bully, threaten, manipulate etc. I am NOT my mother.

I'm not sure I understand the poster's question. Do you not want to be the executor or do you not want to be the recipient of your Grandmother's estate? If you don't want the responsibility of settling the estate (which you can hire an attorney at the time to help direct your efforts) then you owe it to your Grandmother to let her know so that she can choose someone else. If you (personally) don't want to inherit anything, I would say ---- wait til she passes and if you still feel that way, you can disclaim the inheritance at that time.
Your profile doesn't say how old she is or how old you are. Can you provide more info?

tensharp - I'm guessing there's some bad blood and hard feeling regarding your grandmother. I may be way out in left field saying this - but why should you let that prevent you from benefitting financially from her passing. In civil suits in a court of law very often punitive damages are awarded as both a way to help the injured party and to punish the person at fault. Accepting this money does not obligate you to forgive and it certainly doesn't obligate you to spend time with or treat her any differently than you want to. I mean, what's the worst that could happen - she takes you out of the will and you are no worse off than how you're feeling right now. Take the money and go on a trip with your sister - hell, give it to a worthy charity if you like. But turning down money with no strings attached - you control the scissors - is a little "cutting off your nose to spite your face". Obviously, just my opinion here and I'm sure plenty will disagree - no throwing cyberstones, please.

08/22/16..... Just curious, did you and your sister sign on Grandmother's Will that you would accept the position of Executors? What made you both change your mind?

I would let Grandmother know as soon as possible of this change so that she can elect someone new to be her executor. Or contact the Attorney who's name should be printed somewhere on your copy of the Will. Or was no Attorney involved?

You can respectfully decline the position, in writing, at any time. Personally, I would do that at the time she dies, in writing, to the probate Judge.