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How did you decide which level of care your LO needed and could afford? Mom needs early levels of memory care, can not prepare meals or do basic household chores anymore, and is a fall risk, but does not have any serious medical needs at this time. Dad would benefit from AL, but has no need for medical care daily either. They can not afford the monthly in an AL program for more than a year/two tops, and my research shows that they will be evicted because Medicaid doesn't pay for AL, and most places near me don't take waiver.
Home care seems best, but both are contentious with outside help and can't get along with providers, leaving me to do it.
What did you do in this situation?

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Funny you all answered this way... I got really upset yesterday and was kind, but firm, and got to their house this afternoon and dad had done a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and put away the dishes. Who knew?? Mom isn't allowed to be in the kitchen right now because of her fall risk. But dad's apparently very capable when I put on the heat... a good learning experience for both of us. I'm not sure it will stay this way, but I'm doing my best to allow them the independence they deserve.
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The most affordable at first will be hiring in-home aids. I had 2 elderly Aunts many states away from me who needed help. They were resistant and first but then I was able to convince them the help was for *my* benefit, to give me peace of mind that they were getting the care they needed. I agree with others who say you have to step back and keep telling your parents that it is more than you are able to do for them and for now aids are the only solution. They need to understand they have to pay for them and allow them in the house. I had to go through a few sub-optimal aids before I came up with an absolute angel (and she was from Visiting Angels, and we knicknamed her Barbara Angel). She was there 5-days a week for 6 years. So worth the work to find her. Or, you contact social services for their county and have them come in and do an assessment for in-home assistance. At that point you can have a more in-depth conversation about where it can all go. I'm hoping that you or someone is your parents' PoA. If not, and your parents continue to be spicy and resistant, it can become more of a problem than you could ever imagine. What they're doing now is nothing compared to what it could devolve to. But you orbiting around them and burning out is NOT a solution. You need to accept this, as well as them. If they never accept this, this is where being their PoA will be critical. Otherwise they will likely become wards of a court-assigned legal guardian. I wish you success in helping get them the appropriate care.
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As long as you continue to be their only solution of course they won't be open to outside help, so just stop helping them so they can see that in fact they need way more help than they realized.
In NC where I live Medicaid does pay for assisted living for folks, and even the higher end ones after a few years of self pay will accept Medicaid, so perhaps keep looking.
Get your Senior Services or Area Agency on Aging involved to help you.
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What would happen if you stopped doing everything -- or more specifically, anything? Would they realize that they need hired help, and finally accept it, even if grudgingly?
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Bumping up
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