My mother has some dementia, severe balance problems (she has been using a walker), and now her right knee is so bad that she can barely get to the bathroom. She has asked me repeatedly to take her to a nursing home this past week and my brother and I and my middle sister are in agreement that if she wants to go, then we'll let her go.
The problem is this - I've just read that nursing homes cost on average about $200 a day. My mother has about $60,000 in the bank and that will probably only last for about a year in a nursing home. After that, maybe Medicaid would pay, but I'm not sure how it all works. I feel really lost and helpless because I know she can no longer live alone (she's 90) and I also know that neither myself, nor my 3 siblings are willing, or able, to bring her to live with us or to move in with her. We all have physical and mental problems of our own, plus our own families to deal with and we don't know what to do.
I also believe we need a doctor to fill out paperwork to say that she needs to be in a nursing home and I'm not sure she meets the criteria for that. I know she's not currently well enough to go into assisted living, as she can barely use the bathroom without falling or walk to the kitchen. Also, she can no longer cook because of the dementia, but we provide her dinners and she has cereal for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch usually.
Since her knee has gone out and she only has one "good" leg, she feels she can no longer even fix a bowl of cereal or a sandwich for herself. She also needs helps on the toilet sometimes and wears either a panty liner or a Depends, although she isn't really incontinent - she just can't get to the toilet in time sometimes.
Additionally, she hasn't been in a bathtub or shower for about two years because her balance has been too bad to get herself in and out of the bathtub. She takes a "bath" every morning by bathing herself with soap and a washcloth at the kitchen sink, but since her knee has gone out, she can't do that, either.
She is still able to take her medicines correctly with a pill caddy (she got confused once). She can still write a check, but it takes her a long time to do so.
Her dementia is mostly repeating what she's already said and not being able to retain new information.
I know this has been garbled and probably doesn't make sense, but I need help and I hope someone out there has some suggestions or answers.
Thank you very much.