Don't know what to do about Mom's return to independent living facility. Advice?

Poppy, many have offered good advice about understanding the protocols at her apartment and requirements for caregivers there. The suggestions for communication & medication monitoring using technology were also terrific. Given your circumstances as an only child with health challenges of your own--my advice to you as another only child caregiver would be to have her go back to her own home in IL as soon as possible if you are satisfied with their protocols. Remember that you are at risk for COVID as well, and if you get sick, who would care for you in your home? Who would care for her? What if you were hospitalized? Hard things to think about, but all of those circumstances would make her IL apartment the best choice, even if you had to layer on more care from an agency. These are the things I thought about when choosing to have my mom "shelter in place" at her own IL facility. Good luck to you.

I live in an independant living place. Strick measures were taken begining in March, which none of us like, but it was the right thing to do. Because of that, we are all safe. We have around 100 employees who are screened when they come to work every day. Two got the virus but they had no contact with residents. All wear protective gear at all times. We are not allowed to be together at all and miss our group activities but it is best for now. Residents must wear a mask when out of their apartment and visitors are not allowed. I am glad we are safe. Since we didn't have the virus it would have to come from outside. I am in NJ, which is the 2nd most hard hit from Covid 19. Thing seem to be heading in the right direction now and I hope soon we will be able to do more. I am glad that I live here and feel safe. Wearing a mask, washing hands and keeping distance from others is not that hard and the best things to do. If Mom's place has precautions I would think she would be safe and you would feel better.

M

Ffollow your state's guidelines for safe return to independent living. Ther is going to be a new normal with all of this and safety is a relative term. I would contact the independent living in regarfsvtobtheir current policy. I'm thinking she may be better off in her apartment as opposed to bringing a caregiver into your home. After all, you won't have full knowledge of the caregivers contacts outside of your home. Given the fact that you are battling cancer that makes you vulnerable. Plus paying rent for an empty apartment doesn't make financial sense. If guidelines allow, I would take her home because the community most likely is practicing good infection control.

The "virus" has affected her routine and she can recover where she chose to live. If you have had to do things for her while living with you...decide if that met your needs or did she require it? The covid thing changed "wants" and sleep and daily routines got changed. Recovery is getting back and into her previous successful routine.
Do not let yourself get into the money thing. She needs it to meet her needs. That will give you peace of mind when you do not have her physical presence. Money is to meet needs and not to be spent on something foolish.

Poppy: How is your LO able to live in an Independent Living Facility since, from what you say, she needs assistance? Also, I am very sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis.

So if I’m understanding correctly, your mom has her own IL apartment at a facility where they offer assistance at various levels until the resident needs official AL which they may or may not have available on the same campus. Since it sounds like they are already limiting contact amongst the residents and the works, leaving meal trays at the door, keeping dining room and likely activities closed and requiring residents to shelter in their apartments on the surface it seems like her apartment is as safe as your home from the COVID stand point, maybe even safer if you or anyone else living there is going out into the world and coming home.

She gets assistance with meds and bathing which means someone coming in to do that which is another obstacle but perhaps not one that can’t be overcome. I don’t blame you for not wanting a caregiver coming into the apartment to do this, though maybe if you get satisfactory info about the safety precautions they are taking you will feel more at ease. If not maybe you would feel safer going in to do the baths yourself for instance and cut them down to 1-2 a week. I understand how your mom can be independent but not cognativley able to make decisions, it kind of a middle ground, my mom is probably very similar though able to bathe herself still. But she needs more than supervision for meds because they are so important and we are able to provide that without living in the same house. My brother can set them up 2 weeks at a time in this dispenser we got that gives her access to the right group of pills at the right time 2 times a day. We go even further and have a camera over her “med table” as well as an Echo Show on her main table that enables us to drop in and visit with her face to face whenever we need to. So each morning and evening at 8 she dumps the pills that have just been revealed to her into the cup (oh her dispenser is also set up on a stationary holder that enables her to pull a lever that dumps them into a metal cup) pulls the cup out to where we can see and count them under the overhead camera and waits for us to drop in on the Echo or call her on the phone and tell her to take them. This gives us several safety checks to make sure she get the proper pills at the proper time. Maybe your mom doesn’t need this much supervision and simply having staff leave the meds outside the door with a meal would work for her but there are inventive ways to control this if not, is my point. An easy method for virtual face to face visits may help both of you through your medical challenges as well.

Now if your mom is a social butterfly and video chatting with you and anyone else you want to give access to isn’t going to be enough or she won’t be able to process the importance of staying in her space and will just go out to visit before the facility/compound allows that or won’t be able to follow direction and protocol, that of course is another story and indeed she probably shouldn’t be living “on her own” but that still doesn’t mean she needs to live with you to stay stay safe until there is a vaccine. There is risk there with you as well as in her own living compound and I agree it’s important you consult with the people at her facility about precautions and options before making big decisions. You can’t properly take care of mom without taking care of yourself as well and your treatment whatever it is may require more opportunity for exposure to both of you than moving mom back into her own place which will certainly give you more focus to mount your own wellness fight. Sending you love and strength!

Poppy11
In a response you state that you mom does not have the cognitive ability to make the decision as to what to do.
How is she in Independent Living facility? Memory Care would be more appropriate.
I would contact the facility and find out how they are screening staff and residents. If they have residents that test positive are they quarantining them for the recommended length of time? And do they currently have any positive cases where your mom resides?
If they are following proper protocol and you feel comfortable (at least as comfortable as possible given the situation) then make a decision based on YOUR needs and YOUR health at this time.

Firstly, I am so Very sorry about your own Diagnosis. That has to be rough on you. Listen for when restrictions are lifted and more normalcy is within your state. Every state is different. I woulkd say in July begin the process of getting Mom back to --normalcy. Good Luck and God Bless you. Be safe.

Poppy you say she's in IL but yet facility does her bathing and medications and it also seems she has cognitive decline. I’ve never heard of independent living doing activities of daily living like showers or handling meds. She seems to be a candidate for assisted living. I would explore that option before she declines further and needs memory care. It’s best to do it earlier than later so she can enjoy the activities and make new friends. Of course doing this after it’s safe. That may be the time to transition. You might talk to the AL director in the meantime and scope it out.

Independent living is what you wrote so I assume that is what you meant. I have a friend who lives in one and I also get the IL newsletter from my dad's Facility. Both of them were on lockdown for quite awhile and allowed no-one outside. This way they controlled the virus and screened all staffers. I'm not talking about LTC or AL.

You should call the activity director to find out how they are currently handling things. Some are beginning to allow limited visits. Some only outside and some inside with time limits. Some are serving meals only in the rooms etc. so basically to make an informed decision call. When your mom goes back they may require her to self isolate for 14 days which they do at my friend's IL.
some questions to ask:
-how they are screening staff
-have they had cases within IL with staff or residents
-how are meals handled
-how are activities handled
-will she have to self isolate If she returns
Have your list made up and make the call to help you decide.

You need to take care of yourself. Many of the nursing homes have now tested all staff and seniors, and do it on a regular basis.

What does your mother want to do?

Those that think they have the answers say 18 months or more to a vaccine; that's a lot of money at $3,000 a month....

IL or AL? Because its my understanding that IL supplies no help and if it does its limited. Those who need help with ADLs usually go to an Assisted Living.

In my area, the numbers are low. Things are opening up. If its like that in your area, then as long as she is careful I see no problem in her returning. Ask the manager of the facility how things are going there.