My mom is going to be 94 next month and has had slow advancing dementia since 1995 and I cared for her for 5 yrs. and she was able to go to the bathroom on her own. Since Mother's Day she was in hospital, rehab in Nursing Home and now Long Term Dementia Unit in Nursing Home and is also obsessed with going to the bathroom. She goes ballistic that she has to go to the bathroom and screams, pounds her fists, starts rolling her tongue and biting her finger at the same time. I have asked the nursing staff to take her to the bathroom but she doesn't go and she is 2 assists. Every time I visit it is the same thing and I really don't know how to deal with it. The other day I got very mad after calmly explaining about the catheter in her and makes it feel like you have to go at least 30 x's in 2 hr. time but now she has gotten to the stage where she knows we won't take her to go pee and she always says she has to poop. That makes me feel worse as having to go poop is a horrible feeling but she doesn't go. I'm a little beside myself and a little frustrated as when I see my mom I don't want to argue with her, it's the last thing she needs. This is the first time I got agitated and don't want to do that to mom again.

Beside Myself...Any help would be appreciated...Thank You.

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Thank you all for your support.
To answer cwillie:
I do believe it is an obsession/urge as when she was living with me she use to go to the bathroom 5-6 times in a 2 1/2 hr. span. I didn't pay much attention as I thought it had to do with her aging and having to go more frequently. She only had 1 accident in the 5 yrs she was living with me. I don't know how the nurses deal with it but they say it is common. This morning she was sleeping but I did get her to eat some oatmeal by spoon feeding her. I will have to inquire how they deal with it. Thank you for your post and links also.

To answer Grandma1954: Good Questions...
The catheter has been in since Mother's Day and has been out only a few times. Every time they take it out she does not pee and her legs swell up and her feet are like balloons and she has a full bladder. There is not mention at this time to try again taking the catheter out. She's had a UTI twice since May and treated her with antibiotics. She was on Halperidol (Haldol) and then put her on Ativan as of last week. They are still working out the kinks as she has been very disruptive.
Oh I think I forgot to mention she has Sundowner's Alzheimer. So she is up all night. The other night they had to give her Halperidol again.
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How long has the catheter been in?
It is possible that she has a UTI. That can cause discomfort and a personality change.
You are right the having the cath in she may feel like she has to relieve herself.
Has there been a discussion about a medication to relieve the anxiety?
Has there been a discussion as to how long the catheter must remain? She sounds like she is still continent, asking to go to the bathroom. If she is, and asking to go is not just an obsession or a way to get someone to help her, you do not want her to loose that any sooner than she will.
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if it helps, this is not uncommon. It really sounds like more of an obsession than a real need, even though it seems real to her. Does she do this with staff or just you? Can you take your cues from how they deal with it?
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