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I am executor of will but thats all. My dad is 85 and not ...willing to share a lot of information. He has memory loss but not Alzheimer's. His wife is ill and I see the future very soon that he will need more care. Can I put his name on waiting list for Assisting living homes without having bank account numbers. I know he has a good retirement, SS and Bank Accounts.

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Great advice here. Do not take on any financial responsibility by signing anything with your name. Only sign if you can get POA and then sign your dad's name followed by yours as POA..

He still has the legal right to make his own decisions. I'd try to convince someone - maybe a friend of his who has a clear head - that he needs to assign you or some member of his family as POA. That's just something everyone needs to do. Many people take this advice better from non-family-members. If there's no friend or pastor who can help, perhaps his doctor will tell him how important this is.

We are all wishing you the best. Please read the full thread for ideas and keep us updated on how you are doing.
Carol
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Cynthia,

Since your dad has not been diagnosed with anything like dementia or Alzheimers then he's in charge of himself and his wife unless he wants it otherwise. In that case, you're going to have to talk to him about how he wants to go about it. It may be that he refuses to go into AL or any get any type of help.

As it stands, he's 100% in charge of his own destiny and your mom's I'm afraid until such time as he either loses his facilities, mom's doctors insist that she have professional round the care help, the state's seniors programs step into help because it's apparent they just can't survive alone any longer, or you convince them they must prepare for the inevitable...the fact that none of us ever get out of here alive.

Do you have brothers? Sisters? If so, perhaps they can help persuade your dad it's time to open up about the financial situation and put someone in charge along with him.

My dad didn't want to have to choose among us children, myself and two brothers, as to who was going to be in charge. It wasn't until I talked him into putting his assets into a trust with all three of as equal beneficiary, but with one of us as trustee with him as primary, that he relented. The laws of a trust puts the burden on the trustee to carry out the primary trustee's wishes as spelled out in the trust once they are gone. Dad put me in charge as Trustee so I am responsible and can be sued in court by my brothers if I don't follow the terms of the trust. My brother's both got copies. This made dad more comfortable and he opened up about his secretive finances and turns out he had more then we imagined, definitely enough to open a trust. Now it's safe for all of us and for him.

You might talk to dad about a trust for him and your mom while he can still make decisions, especially if you're not an only child. If he sets up a trust, he'll be confronted then with the fact that he'll need a trustee and someone make decisions. He'll need to make decisions on who is going to be the POA over healthcare matters and who will be POA over finances. It could be the same person. Mom's going to need the same.

Now is the time to start talking with him and when if he can be convinced that he needs to do something it will be time to take him to an attorney in your area who deals with trusts and elder law preferably. It cost dad 1250.00 and a fair bit of work, getting everything into the name of the trust...bank accounts, personal property, real estate, etc...but it was way worth it all and gave dad great peace of mind while mom was ill and after she died!

Good Luck To You!
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Your father needs to set up someone as POA for finances and also choose a healthcare proxy. Does he have a will and his advanced directives done? If not, you may find it easiest to have him visit an attorney and get these things done. If he belongs to a church, sometimes there is a member who does these things pro bono for members. Check into it. Saving money is always good, and attorneys can be so expensive. If these things are not done while your father is still capable, it can make for so much trouble later.

Yes, he can put his name on a waiting list for assisted living, but only he would be able to conduct the business end of it if he doesn't assign a POA to someone. A trusted family member is usually the best POA, because they don't have to be paid. If he won't assign a POA, he may find himself forced to have a guardian or at least a conservator later on. This can be expensive.
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You cannot sign him up for any senior facility without filling out a financial application. I would NOT reveal his finances to anyone without speaking to an elder attorney FIRST. They will guide you on how to protect as many of his assets as possible BEFORE disclosing his assets and finances to these facilities. Once you do that there is no turning back so please talk to a lawyer FIRST. That person will advise him/you to complete Power of Attorney/ Health Care Proxy forms as the first part of that process.
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Why don't you sit him down and have a frank discussion with him. Let him know that you are concerned and make him understand that you want to help him anyway possible as he ages, but you wouldn't know where to start if something unfortunate were to pop up. Tell him you want to make sure his wishes are followed, but you are clueless as to what his wishes are and about how to fulfill those wishes. Ask him if he has a list somewhere with account numbers and insurance information, in case something happens to him. Get your foot in that door! Chance are he won't want assisted living, but I would start checking them out anyways. Walk in the front doors of several facilities and ask for a packet of information, so when the time comes, you're prepared. Best of luck to you!
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"CynthiaLewis", You are in my prayers from this moment forth.....
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Good solid advice; DO NOT reveal his or Your finances to ANYONE without speaking to an elder attorney FIRST.
They will guide you on how to protect as many of his assets as possible BEFORE disclosing his assets and finances to these facilities.

contact local Area Agency on Aging

http://www.aging.ny.gov/nysofa/localoffices.cfm

contact the social work department at your local senior center

get your estate and poa documents in order ASAP elder attorney
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To answer your question, yes, you can certainly put his name on the waiting list and take tours and ask questions. When you go there they will let you know what financial information they need, if any. If you plan on having him pay cash, i don't think you need to tell them anything. If you're applying for financial aid (some ALs charge on a sliding scale) or medicaid, that's a different story.
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We ran a credit check on mom. Lots of information pops up.
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Does your dad have any friends in an ALF? My parents needed lots of convincing, and my Mom loves it there. They had friends there already, so that helped. Also, I toured the place beforehand, and enlisted the help of the director to "close" the deal. The director was like a hungry car salesman- she knew all the right things to say. I've worked for this chain, so I know they give large bonuses for a sale.
I brought one parent at a time, so we could work on them separately. I did whatever I could to get them in there and am glad I did. It's a great place, except I have to watch the monthly bill very carefully because they like to overcharge. The billing is wrong every month, and has to be corrected.
One of the upsides to getting into an ALF early on is that they are less likely to boot them out as their health declines. You just add on additional services ( which are expensive, but still less than a nursing home). One thing I would check on, for your dad, is the activities for men. It was a tougher adjustment for my dad- activities are geared towards the women, as there are more of them.
Also, eat in the dining room a couple of times, and chat with the residents before you decide on a place.
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