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I would like to hear from other caregivers whose elderly parents still want to make decisions and influence their lives. These elderly parents may not have all their reasoning ability like they had in their younger years, but yet, they still want to control their grown adult children. My mother seems to be like this. Some of us hate to admit it.....(we all want to think our parents are the best), but I would have to say that my mother.....who is 88 years old.....she stills tries to influence/be controlling to this day. I purchased a new vehicle recently......and my 88 year old mother......spewed her influence into what vehicle I purchased.....yes, she can be a tyrant. Wow, what a life.....a grown adult man....."controlled"......at least a little.....by his elderly mother. What an odd life I have had! I'll explain it all in another post.

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Hi Roscoe,
Aging doesn't always make controlling people less controlling. Some may become more so. Your only defense is to set boundaries and detach from their criticism. If you can just say, "Sorry you don' t like my car, Mom, but I really like it," she may be so surprised she'll back off. Keep your temper cool and repeat the words as necessary.

Take care of yourself and good luck,
Carol
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My mom's like that sometimes. I look at it as just being hurtful and jealous -- jealous that she can no longer control me (as she did when we were children) and hating that we have things that they wish they had or could still do. In your example, you state "the car". She is probably just jealous that you can drive, that you can afford a nice car and she isn't able to do the same at this point in her life. They feel their declining health and declining abilities and don't like others to be "happy" either, even their children. Not all families are like this and there are so many elders that are so proud of their children, their accomplishments and brag about it -- and they should as in most cases they helped raise successful, happy children to adulthood. Other parents are always critical or feel no one can have more than they have and thats just the way it is even into old age.

Let it go (how many times have you heard that!!!) but that is the best advice I can give. Stop waiting for the approval, the pat on the back, or the "I'm sorry; I couldve done better parenting you" -- it just won't come. I'm 56 and my brother 65 and haven't had that from our parent(s).
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Know this is an old post but my Mother is also like this at 89 years old. She even says looks like you are enjoying your life. Then she says "Look at me." Then she starts telling me all that she has done for me. It really hurts.... and I will be 60 in November!
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OMG, this was many years ago but it still feels like it was yesterday.... My mistake was telling my parents I plan to replace my vehicle. They kept telling me I have to get a car like what they have, a nice reallllllly big sedan.... sorry, not my style of transportation.

I need a vehicle that doesn't hurt my back trying to exit the vehicle..... a vehicle where I don't need to dive into the trunk to get groceries but one that has a cargo bay where I just reach in...... a vehicle that is outstanding in the snow because I was on the road a lot with my career.

I found my perfect match, it was a 2 year old SUV.... here we go again, my parents telling me a used vehicle is nothing but problems, yada, yada, yada.... I was finally able to calm my parents down saying that every time *they* traded in their car [which they use to do every 2 years] the dealer sold it to someone else, therefore that person got a problem vehicle that my parents had previously owned???

Oh, don't buy a SUV, they tip over.... well, I've had this SUV now for many years and never came close to tipping it over :0

My significant other and I plan to buy a used Jeep Wrangler [he wants us to be the cool grandparents] to have as an extra vehicle but I don't dare tell my parents. I would like to see their faces when we drive up with the doors off and the roof wide open :P
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