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My mom is in congestive heart failure and she told me today she did not feel she would live much longer. Do you think someone knows when they are dying? She is swollen ( gained 6 pounds in 2 days) her breathing is labored and she said her chest hurts all the time. The NH is aware and we have talked abut comfort measures.She has a DNR.

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Me too, 2tsnana, me too. It's going on two years now since I lost my parents and I still post on here and think about it all the time...my son asked me what it was like to lose your parents and I had to tell him it was still too raw, too strange to be the eldest generation now. Knowing that we lose everything eventually is on my mind way too much now. I need to go back into a little more denial and make sure I enjoy all that I still have!
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Also, I do agree the nurses have a different story about my mama than she tells me. She is more social when I am not there. I will say she does not miss bingo too often, when she was first there she would not come out of her room. She has thrown her share of hell fits, but now seems to be settling down. It is difficult to be the adult and her the child. I liked it much better when she protected me from things instead of me knowing all the bad stuff.
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That it does. Her and I are both adjusting to this. I can see it settling more and to be honest when things are calm it gives me too much time and then I am sad...Isn't that strange ? This is a journey of healing, sadness, growth and learning to take it all a day at the time. I want to know how the story ends and not knowing is very hard for me. Just need to remind myself to walk in faith.
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My mom's state of being when I am with her and when I am away really puzzles me. Does she tell me when things aren't well because she trusts me? That's what I choose to believe. Love helps us do strange things.
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The next day she was not good. Her breathing had worsen she wants the doctor to stop with all the tests. No more xrays, blood work etc...She just wants them to leave her alone. The head nurse suggested we consider hospice so hopefully today will bet that going. Everyday is different I just have to give it to God cause I cannot handle this alone. That is why I love this website the insight of others and the advice is so appreciated.
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Yesterday was an entirely different day. She didn't feel well and wants all the tests to stop. The head nurse suggested we call in hospice and that is what we are doing. She is in the late stages of heart failure and she is tired.
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Great news about your mama!! :-) I'm happy for her and you.
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And we thought raising our children was hard ???
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I have to share with you guys that the nurse called last night and they are starting my mama on a new med to help with her circulation in her legs she has PAD. I asked how she was doing and she was playing bingo, which made me happy. She said she was in good spirits. Her mood with me is entirely different than how she acts when I am away. At first, that made me mad at her, but now it doesnt because I know she is really ok...there is a guy there in a wheelchair that is a car wreck victim, she told me he aggravated her cause he knew name well, it seems he is quite the charmer..last night a bingo she was sitting next to him and he asked her to lock his wheelchair she did so they are friends ;-) That made me happy. I am learning this life one day at a time...I slept better last night than I have in a long time. I will grow old looking for my mom's approval and when she is happy all is well in my world. When she is unhappy...that I am learning like I said one day at a time.
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I was with my half brother when he drew his last breath so was my mom. That was hard but had to stand strong for her. This time will be different...I admire your strength. Thank you
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I encourage you to be actively involved in your mother's dying process. I was blessed to be with my sister through her 18 month battle with ovarian cancer. One week before she passed away, she asked me, "Do you think this has gone on long enough?" I helped her realize that she needed to make that decision. And she did. Everyone who visited in that last week was blessed as they and my sister said their goodbyes and she prepared to leave her body. I heard her say to everyone who came to visit, "I just wish my mom could be here." I helped make that possible. I believe that Mom was Teresa's "keeper of the key". Often one person assists the dying in making that transition from this life to the next. For my sister that person was our mother. I still get goosebumps two years later when I think about how my sister relaxed and began to let go a little more each of the last days of her life on this earth. At sundown on that Friday evening, she took one last breath and was gone. Wow!
So, be with your mom as much as possible. Hug her. Hold her hand. Read to her. Just be there with her. Fill yourself with love and share that love in every way you can. Blessings to you.
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I wanted to ask her if she was afraid ,but I was scared she would say yes...I just told her the most important thing to me was she was comfortable. I think her dying will be easier than watching her health and mental state decline little by little..day by day. Tired and drained. Than you all. I know this would be so much harder without support from this site. No one understands like the ones living it.
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Often. Probably in your mother's case, yes.

After a fall to his head, my husband told everyone in the hospital that he was dying. We asked the doctor. She said there was no medical evidence to support that claim, but often patients sensed that better than the measures medical science has. We pulled all the grandchildren out of school and made sure everyone got to visit. He recovered from the head injury, ten years later developed dementia, and lived with that nearly 10 years.

So ... while I agree that your mother probably does know, I wouldn't want everyone whose loved one thinks they are dying without any medical evidence to suggest it to assume the loved one is right.

2tsnana, my heart goes out to you.
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In view of the age and medical situation the one thing you may be able to offer is a chance for her to see those that may be important to her. It may be a member of the clergy or a relative that doesn't get in much. I think that people often have an idea that things are getting more precarious. If you haven't made arrangements yet, I urge you to use hospice. Also, she may benefit from a diuretic and a condenser to provide oxygen. The primary goal at this stage is comfort. Good luck and God bless.
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Yeah, she knows. They should be able to make her a little more comfortable with good medication management, but if they have already maximized everything and can't improve things much more at all, she's right. It is hard to be unable to prevent her dying, and on top of that, not even to relieve all the suffering, but you do the best you can. You have a chance to find out what she hopes and wishes for that you might still be able to give her, and you may give yourself some good memories in the process, or at least some peace of mind. It's hard but ...well but nothing, it's just hard. It probably means a great deal to her that you can be with her.
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Yes I do. My dad had Alz, rarely spoke the last year. He told me one day, when I kissed him goodbye and told him I was leaving, "it won't be long before we all say goodbye". Two weeks later he passed. I've always felt he knew. God bless you and your mom.
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