My step-son is 39 and a drug abuser. The way I found out he was stealing our money is when our electricity was turned off. My older step-son paid to have it turned and advised me to take charge of the finances. She had always been a whiz at it. it has been two years since he took her debit card and pin and robbed us for a year. The power, phone, dish and internet were all turned off and the house was in foreclosure.
I have a good retirement but had to get even with the bank to get off the account with her. It took about 3 months to get all of my income in to another account. I was able to pay the bills and talked the bank out of foreclosure. It has taken a year to pay off all the debts. I do have some savings but my credit is no good. He took her car and lost it to the law because they found drugs in it. Which was ok she should not drive. The bank knew and I will say what bank it was and did nothing. The judge gave him 5 years in the pen for drugs and having stolen property. If and when he gets out and we are still alive do I have to let this sorry thief in our house? All I want to do is take care of her and all she thinks about is trying to get more money to him. I did make her give me POA to bail him out of jail. But haven't used it.

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I did not know anything was wrong. She had all the bills automatically paid from the bank. I did not worry about it. We had debit cards and all I bough gas for my truck.
They turned the lights out because there was no money in our account.
My wife had given her debit card and pin to the step son . He was overdrafting the account before the next check would catch it up. The bills would try to draw on the account and it would be refused because hr had already taken the money out.
I do not know how long he had the debit card but latter found out he would check my account from another bank . The bank would charge $2.50 each check sometimes he would check it 10 in one day. All of this was going on behind my back.
When I found out, I demanded her get the card back. Part of the card was brought back, just the strip with the numbers and mag strip. I waited to the first of the month to when My checks would bring our account into the black and got off of the account.
I started a new account and had all my checks changed to the new account. It took 3 months to get all of my checks to the right account. I will help with the baby needs because I want too. But I will not have that money stolen from me. 
 I will just say this the BANK should have informed me about what was going on. They were making money every time some thing was presented and no funds were there they charged$27.00.
 With what is going on in Washington giving the banks less restrictions is going to be bad for this country.
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Michael, sorry but I am so confused. The electricity was turned off and the mortgage wasn't being paid? Isn't that the responsibility of the homeowner for the mortgage, and the electricity? How was that your wife's son's fault? Or am I missing something here?

You kept mentioning "her" and "she", who are you referring to? Your wife, your daughter, another relative?

How were you able to talk the bank out of foreclosure, rarely does that happen? How was the car an issue with the bank? Unless it was it financed through the bank?

The baby is your son's responsibility not yours. Until a DNA is done, no money should cross hands. Only gift the child things that the child needs like diapers, food, etc.

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to piece together this puzzle.
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Thank you, he is already in jail he will have 5 years to do and 20 years on probation. Now the problem is his girl friend has a baby and says its his,call my wife begging for her to buy him all kind of goodies in jail and send cash. they tried to hustle saying if we could come up with 250 dollars he could get out that night. I herd the judge say 5 years day for day. She has put 360 on his jail account in 7 days. We went round and round I told her if she could sens him 360 a week she could buy her own medicine, I will still pay the difference its not much. I am going to have the law to talk with his girlfriend and have her charged with elder abuse. That will put her in jail she is on 3 year probation to get her record expunged he had the same deal but showed up in court with dirty drug test 8 times. I have to do something to stop all of whats going.
I do have care takers burn out.
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Yup! Hugemom said it.... Your wife is not, and probably has never been, rational about this son. You've already had more than enough trouble from him; keep him away from both of you at all costs - it will only get worse!
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if I were you, I would be terrified that your stepson will freak out on dope and if you anger him some way while he’s tripping, he could completely lose it and do harm to both of you. Why in the heck would you bail him out of jail?

You say your wife has dementia and if so, she has no control over what she does. I would go to the police and take out a restraining order on him. If you don’t already, have a security system installed. Under no circumstances let your wife have control over any of your finances. I believe you must protect yourself now. That doesn’t mean abandon your wife, But you can’t continue to enable her son.
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