My boyfriend and I have been caring for his parents for a little over ten years. His father was diagnosed with Parkinson's 3 or 4 years after we first started caring for them. He recently passed away in Sept of 2019. His mother began showing signs of Dementia about the same time. Since his father has passed, my boyfriend's older sister is trying to get his mom to make her power of attorney over everything. She's trying to convince his mother to make certain changes to her house and his mother doesn't want to make any changes. His sister makes his mother agree to things she doesn't want. The mother only agrees to shut her up because she doesn't stop trying to push and push and convince the mother to do what the sister wants her to do. Honestly, his mother seems nervous whenever my boyfriend's sister comes over but when she leaves, his mother is very irate and complains about what the sister keeps trying to do. She also comes over and changes things around and puts things where she wants them and how she wants after telling her, " This is my house and I don't want to change anything in my house." Also makes her throw away things she wants to keep. Now the sister took the mothers bank card and if the mother wants money or needs money, she has to ask her daughter to get money out of her own bank account. My boyfriend and I don't ever ask his mother for any money. Even when she tries to give him money to buy take out or something that's needed around the house, he says, " no, I got it." He won't accept her money and pays out of his own pocket. There's so much we are noticing little by little about his sister that is just not right. Overheard conversations of her planning so much when the mother clearly said she doesn't want her to do, with responses like, " well I think I'm gonna have to override you on that, and do it anyways." His mother's response being, " I don't give a s***! This is my house and I don't want that." The sister is now planning to take POA over everything. When the father passed, the coroner hadn't even picked up his body yet and she was already in his closet taking stuff out and left home with a big box of the father's stuff. There is much more to add on top of what I have just explained, but I just think my boyfriend should have some kind of rights or something. He doesn't anything about family caregivers rights, nor do I, but there's got to be something he can do about this.
Your BF needs to stand up to his sister. Even with POA, she is limited in what she can do if Mom is still able to think on her own. Taking her bank card away should be reported to the Bank. She had no authority. Maybe the bank can close that acct and reopen another with BFs name included. Then put her card somewhere where sister can not find it. Actually, get all Moms important papers and put them together in a safe place. Even if it means a safe deposit box.
While Mom is still "with it" ur BF may want to have her assign him POA. You are the Caregivers leaving in Moms house. If sister ends up being successful, you life will be hell because she will take over. There is a problem with someone who feels they have a right to come into a parents home and take over without a POA.
See an elder law attorney ASAP to protect mom. Ask attorney to send letter to the twisted sister telling her to back off. Let TS know you are serious.
If bf's mother is still legally competent, then bf needs to get her to assign POA to him, since he has been caring for her. I really do not understand people who become in home care givers without securing a POA myself. When you accept the care giving responsibility, you should make sure you have legal authority to defend the elder and yourself when the elder's health declines. After bf has POA, do not allow sister to take your mother out of the house alone, giving her an opportunity to get mother to sign other documents (will, POA that displays one assigned to bf, bank account TOD, life insurance, etc.)
If bf's mother is no longer competent, then visit an elder law attorney and prepare to petition for guardianship. After caring for his mother for 10 years, bf has a good chance of being awarded guardianship, all other things being equal. The attorney can help bf review his changes in your local area. If bf has access to mother's bank statements, review carefully to see if there is any evidence of sister using mother's funds for herself, that would tip the scales heavily in any guardianship hearing. Your bf might want to consider using a nanny cam to obtain footage of sister's interactions with his mother - check with the attorney about how to legally record in your state.
BTW: you can report lost or cancel the bank card and request a replacement but consider the timing. Once you take an action opposing sister's control efforts you will be viewed as her enemy.
Good luck. And get a real lawyer. Don’t use the internet.
They tend to be more reasonably priced because they do this day in and day out, they are always up to speed on the laws and precedents for your jurisdiction.
You need to protect yourself. Play the what if game..what if sis "wins" and you are out of a place to live what would you do? Do you have a "real" job that you go to every day? if not what will you do? If you are not getting paid for caregiving and you don't have a "real" job you have missed out on years of Social Security earnings.
You (actually your BF) needs to consult an Eldercare Attorney to determine next steps and try to obtain Guardianship.
Most important how does he feel about this? About how his sister is stepping in? Is he concerned about what his rights are or is he going along with the sister?