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She's 92. Her doctor says she needs someone within call 24 hours a day, mainly because of the chance of falls, so she's in an assisted living facility. She's depressed, because she's pretty alert and with it, and most of the other residents are vegetative. She still puts on makeup and jewelry in the mornings, gets dressed and goes to the bathroom without help, gets around with a rolling walker or cane, converses normally, likes to go out with an escort to see her doctor and get her hair done. On the other hand, she needs someone to supervise her medications, can't learn to put in her own hearing aids, needs someone to help her in and out of the tub or shower, eats only if food is put in front of her (and often refuses food), experiences occasional confusion and blurred speech, has a lot of memory loss, and obsesses about minor aches and pains to the point of occasional panic. Her doctor says that if she were to move in with me, she would need a companion/caregiver during the 9 or 10 hours a day that I'm at work. Do you think she really needs that? I could take care of her meds and two of her daily meals. Wouldn't it be enough to have someone come in for a couple of hours each day while I'm gone to prepare and serve the other meal, check on her, give her some company, help her bathe?

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I agree with dabs4mom. I didn't listen to instincts; listened to doctors and missed my opportunity to get my 90 yr old dementia mom into a memory care facility. I moved her back to her home (her wishes) with 24/7 care (not her wishes) and it has been a nightmare; it has been a mere 3 weeks and already she has called police twice to remove the CNAs...Last week she succeeded and the CNAs left; police wouldn't enter her home nor call 911 to take her to hospital. Community Services Board tried to help but magistrate wanted someone to appear in person...I live in another state and magistrate wouldn't consider dementia nor recent history. I don't even have a POA because its springing type and I don't have any doctors willing to step up and declare her incompetent yet they all agree she needs 24/7 supervised care. LEAVE HER WHERE SHE IS SAFE AND CARED FOR! You can be involved as much or as little as you want. This is our parent and it pulls on our heartstrings but don't let her go home and assume you can "fill in". Things happen, they get worse and their needs become increasingly demanding. Once you take her in, you may have to take her back; doubling the trauma of moving twice.
Take advantage of giving her your loving quality time when you can -- it won't be that way if you have to take over physically and emotionally draining caregiver duties.
If you already have her in a good place; help her and you by leaving it to the professionals -- your job is the emotional support and love.
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Your mom is certainly where she needs to be. My Mom's doc suggested that she go to AL last August. She has had a day time care giver with her for nearly 2 years. Mom is to the point where she needs more supervision than just during the day. She is non compliant with her meds if there's no one there to physically hand them to her and make sure she takes them. She can't cook or do any household chores due to a serious condition with her spine. Her memory is terrible, she's becoming nastier by the day, etc. My brother is clueless about the situation, and won't agree to moving her (he's out of town). Be glad that you are able to have her somewhere that she can interact with others, and has the care she needs. Spend as much time with her as you can, take her out etc. but don't feel guilty in any way. You are doing what's best for her, and for YOU
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Your mother is where she needs to be.

Visit her more often/longer. Take her on outings more. Hire a companion for her. Do what you can to improve her situation, but if you are out of the house 9 to 10 hours a day it would be irresponsible to bring her into your home without hired care there the full time you are gone.
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Thanks, Chicago. She's lucky: she has visitors, former neighbors, a cousin, who talk to her, but it's the sight of all those "old people" that depresses her. Yes, I have visited another facility that might be better---but let's face it, the people there are "old." I guess one of my worries about having her with me is that I don't think it would work for too long---her needs will increase. Then I feel guilty and decide I'm just making excuses for not taking her home.
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Listen to your doctor. She is were she needs to be, in my opinion. Maybe you could find a better facility, though?

My mom is 94 and lived alone until last Friday. She did have a couple of falls, but wore a Life Alert pendant.

I am certain that you could work something out, so that you could care for her at home, but things change quickly when they are our Mothers ages and then, you will have to miss work and try to get her in a facility.

Could you hire her a companion for a few hours a day, to converse with her?
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