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Several hours ago I posted in reply to a question that my mother seemed to be transitioning into the nursing home and feeling more at home. Well, today is another day! In another post, I stated that my mother, incontinent, in a wheelchair due to (actually, I don't know why, other than she has very weak muscle tone and is over weight) and needs oxygen. She is also bipolar with early dementia. Her bipolar condition is treated very successfully with medication, but since she entered the center in June, she has already had to be hospitalized in a psych ward for a short stay due to a UTI coupled with their not administering her psych meds properly. Before she was hospitalized, she became combative and started getting into her roomate's things. We were told that my mother had to find a new room because of the complaints even though this woman had moved into her room. We were told it's the center's policy to move the difficult roomate. OK, we accepted that, and when she returned from the psych ward she was placed with someone they said my mother would get along with. They neglected to tell us that the woman keeps her TV on 24/7 and so loud that it is impossible to visit in the room. It also blares through the night. When they ask her to turn it down, she does momentarily or cusses at them. It is torture! My mother has no place of peace in her own room. We have made a complaint, and they said they are going to get the women headphones next week -I guess they're not allowed to turn off TV or take away her remote. I feel as if my mother is being punished. Why in the world would they think my mother would do well with this roomate? My mother's blood sugar is sky high and she complained of a headache and also of a CNA arguing with her and being mean to her over an issue with her oxygen. I reported all this. Does it get any better? I'm thinking if we can just get my father Medicaid approved, he can be her roomate, but I don't know what to expect of this nursing home.

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For my mother, yes, life in the nursing home got a lot better after a few months of a rough transition. But my mother had dementia and mobility issues. She did not not have other mental health issues. I imagine that is tough no matter where your mom is.

My husband stayed at home during his 10 years of dementia. He had the tv up LOUD all the time for about a week. I knew I could not tolerate that so I bought a wireless headset for him. At first he was put out. But then he discovered he could hear better with the sound right in his ear, and he could keep listening if he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of a show. He wore them all the time after that.

I don't believe in ghosts, but I have threatened my children that if I ever find myself where I am forced to listen to other people's television choices I will find a way to come back and haunt them!

I can understand why this situation would be intolerable for your mother. Perhaps if the roommate will use a head set your mother would really get along with her.
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Cwillie, I am meeting with the center's social services to ask for a room transfer. I do want to state that there are some wonderful, caring people at this center, and it is clean and cheerful looking. My mother has also, for the first time in many years, been enjoying the company of other ladies her age. It's like they look out for one another.
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Oh, my goodness! That is it exactly, Eyerishlass! "a fine line between advocating for my dad and alienating the staff. And picking our battles. This I have already learned. As I've posted elsewhere, I get these fantasies of pulling my mom out to protect her and selling my house and moving in with her and taking care of both her and my dad. I get a sense of relief, until I mentally follow through with the reality and they're right back at the nursing home. I feel as if I am between a rock and a hard place. Another issue is that my older brother who has been heavily involved in their care, is very controlling and not very diplomatic when it comes to things he sees wrong. I have to train him "to walk that fine line".
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Ain't that the truth Eyerish! The more involved you are as a caregiver of someone in a facility the more you see that you wish could be changed, even the best places still have that institutional mindset.
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When we place our loved ones in a nursing home after we've tried to care for them at home we think (or at least I did) that we'll finally have some peace. We can visit our loved one and enjoy them once again without the burden of being a caregiver but what I found out when I placed my dad in a nursing home was that the caregiving didn't stop it just got different. I still had to keep on top of things daily to make sure my dad was properly cared for. I'm not a control freak. Hardly. But I ran into snags at his nursing home constantly. Whether it was his clothes that were stolen from one of the dryers (the first week he was there) or the fact that he didn't get a shower for 2 weeks, it was always something. I had to walk a fine line between advocating for my dad and alienating the staff. I learned quickly to pick my battles. And I went into it with my eyes wide open. I knew he wouldn't get the same care I gave him and I accepted that but I didn't anticipate on the lack of care I observed. Some months went by and we put dad on hospice and the day after he went on hospice he was agitated and delusional and I asked the "med tech" to please administer ativan. She refused. I was flabbergasted! She said she didn't believe in meds being used like that in hospice patients. As she was saying this to me I felt as if I had actually floated out of my body my shock was so profound. Of course I went over her head within 5 minutes but I had no guarantee that once I left my dad would get his medication. It was all such a horrifying situation.

So I guess my answer to your question: does it ever get better at the nursing home, is no, it doesn't ever get better at the nursing home.
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It seems to me that a simple policy of no TV/radio/whatever after 11:00 should be the norm, noise spills over even in private rooms. How high up have you taken this? If you have gone as high as you can with no workable resolution (and lets face it, there is no way she will wear the headphones at night) I would be contacting the ombudsman.
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I just called to check on my mother and to find out if her roommate was still blaring her TV and the nurse who answered got real frosty with me. She was patronizing and rude. I asked to speak to the head nurse and she got courteous real fast. The head nurse told me my mother and her roommate were sleeping peacefully and the TV was on low. That's all I wanted to know - to be reassured. She also told me it was perfectly all right to call to check on my mom at night. This was the first time I had ever done that. I am having a meeting with the center's social services about getting her a room change and I'm going to mention the rude nurse. If she was so on edge that she could speak to me like that, I would imagine she does it with the patients.
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You sound like your talking about my mother ..my mom is still in geropsych and I dread sending her back to the nursing home but I can’t care for her at home ...I am going to talk to the supervisor of nursing over the unit before she returns ..I want some changes. In the way Mom is treated ...I’d go straight to the top with compliants if I were you ,,please keep me posted and God Bless you
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