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My mom is getting hospice care. She feels the need to see a doctor but when she asked her husband when she sees the doctor again he said "you don't see the dr anymore, you have hospice care now. Is this right? Today she told my sister she wanted to go to the hospital, but I think she's afraid to say anything in front of her husband. He's older than her, has forgotten to give her her meds and seems to not want to give her anything stronger than vicodine, is this elder abuse?

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Hello.... It's not that she does not have doctors anymore, Hospice has their own doctors. So you contact your Hospice representative which is a RN, report why she feels she needs to see a doctor, then the RN will either come and assess, then report to the doctor or else handle the situation of concern him/her self. Hospice does not mean she cannot go to a hospital, but if she does, Hospice then closes their file and has to reopen when she or the outside hospital/physicians explain there is nothing more they can do etc. Hospice is not set in stone. Just means one has been told there is nothing else that can be done, doctors feel death is within in the next 6months but people have been know to live beyond the projected 6months and can stay on hospice, and has agreed to the comfort measures hospice has to offer. Hope this helps.
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Maybe I'm splitting hairs here - but if your mom is afraid to say what she wants in front of him - isn't that kinda the same as being afraid of him?

Regardless, this poor woman is in pain, in the final few months of her life and is having to navigate hospice on her own - reaching out to get some frickin' relief from her pain. This both breaks my heart and makes me made as h*ll.

Honestly, I'm not blaming you. But isn't there anyone near by who can advocate for her?

Regardless-again - Can you or your sister call your mothers hospice provider and explain what's going on and ask for someone from her hospice team to go access the situation? Most hospice providers have a doctor, nurse, social worker and a clergy assigned to each patient- I'm sure they all have experience in exactly this same type of situation and can quickly step in and help your mother.

After all - this is exactly what hospice is for.
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thank you
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it's not that she's afraid of him, just that she's afraid to really say what she wants in front of him. i think some alternative ideas that are legal in this state would help her a lot, but even though her dr recommended cbd's several years ago for her ms, it wasn't taken into consideration .... reading up on it, it has also been proven to help dementia and septis... i know it would help with the pain as well... we put some of the cbd balm on her legs, which are always in pain, and they didn't hurt for about 3 hours ... she didn't know what we put on them...just told her it was lotion
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There is a 24-hour hospice phone number. Is that what your mother called? Can you get that number from her and call them yourself. Unless her husband is deliberately withholding pain relief from her I'm not sure it is abuse -- if he has failing memory some other arrangement should be made. The purpose of hospice is to keep the patient as comfortable as possible, including minimizing pain. I hope you can talk to hospice about this problem.
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If your mother is in pain, call the hospice and tell them what's going on.

Hospice has a dr. Normally when a person is on hospice they have made a decision to forgo measures intended to try to cure a disease. They generally only take medication to keep them as comfortable as possible.
It's considered by the medical staff that the patient will not live beyond six months. A dr has to sign documents stating that is their opinion. It can be her regular dr or the hospice dr.
Usually a RN sees the patient on a weekly basis and gives the medical instruction to the caretaker.
I hope you are able to support your mom through this tough tough time.
I do not know if it is elder abuse but I would try to get a better Understanding about how to make sure your mom gets the care she needs.
It's very sad that she is afraid of her caregiver. I hope someone has more information about how you can handle this difficult situation.
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yes she is in pain, she called the hospice hotline, but didn't really tell them anything because he was standing there... i also think she needs a second opinion whether the infection in her spine from a bedsore she got while in a rehabilitation/nursing home is treatable. her husband paid to have her flown home to eastern washinton from florida, taking her out of the hospital against the drs. wishes...and no, i can't be there i live on the other side of the state
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When you are on hospice, you are not to go to your doctor or ER without contacting hospice. All your care is to come to you, in your home. It is for your comfort, not for "curing" anything.

Is your mom in pain? Hospice has left stonger pain meds. If her husband cannot remember to help her with her pain, does she need to be in a nursing home, perhaps? Can you be there when the nurse is next scheduled to come, and discuss this with her or him?
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