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They were married 20 years.

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Being married at time of service does not count. If ur divorced you cannot apply for A&A. When she filed for SS did she tell them she had been married to him for 20 yrs. It would effect how much SS she received.
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As far as I know, an ex-wife can't get any assistance from the VA. I would call the VA directly or look at your dad's will to see if he provided for her.
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See an accountant. If you were married for 2 years even if he remarriec, you may qualify for some benefits
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No the VA wants proof you were married at the time the vet died.
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