My 95 year old mother (broken hip and wrist in November and using a walker) and in AL near us insists that she is going back to her 3 story townhouse that is filthy and filled with junk...totally unsafe and 4 1/2 hours away from us. I am at my wits please.

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I live in S Jersey

You can call Office of Aging in Moms County. Ask if they or the Health Department could do an evaluation of the home for safety and health reasons. See if her township has a Health Officer. If so, ask if he can do this type of evaluation.

Now Mom. A broken hip is serious in the elderly. Going under can cause some cognitive impairment. I would ask the AL nurse if there is a way to have Mom evaluated there at the AL. It may be found that she cannot make informed decisions. If so, let the nurse tell her because of her hip, she cannot go back to a 3 story TH. If you have POA, then this is where it comes into play. You now make the decisions for Mom. You can get her house cleaned up and sell it. (Needs to be sold for Market Value if you think you will ever need Medicaid) Money spent on that house can go towards her care.

Like said, tell her if she wants to go home, then she needs to find a way to get there because you do not agree with her decision.
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Daisykat1 Apr 2019
Thanks so much for your help. Made contact with APS and they will come out! Hope she will comply and I won’t need the report, but who knows! I’m just about ready to tell her to do what she wants!
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I would tell her she can do whatever she can pull off. So if she can coordinate a move and all that entails on her own, you let her. You step back and say, if you demand to do it your way, you do it all the way. No helping, no bailing her out, sink or swim, she does it all.

Sounds harsh, but when they won't stop and are making your life a living hell. Gotta do what ya gotta do.
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You are considering letting her go back home to this unsafe mess? Or do you want an inspection to prove a point to her? Your best bet would probably be to call the county health department.

How will Mother get there if you don’t take her? Hitchhike? (Sorry) Use the therapeutic fib and tell her there was a water main break and the house was flooded. Right now, you’re waiting to see when and if it can be fixed. Or, the old standard, telling her when the doctor says she can return to her home, you r dowill arrange it. Do not argue. Do not placate. Do not waiver. Stick to the story and make sure everyone else is on board with whichever one you choose.
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