Does anyone have ideas on how to deal with my Dad's dog?

You've gotten great suggestions -- here's one more simple thing to remember with dogs: it matters what frame of mind they're in when you are rewarding them with love, attention and treats. They must be calm/quiet/relaxed, not jumping up/around barking/snarling, or quaking (a sign of an attempt to submit against what it wants to do). A wagging tale or licking lips is not always a friendly/happy sign but a sign of a state of heightened excitement (in the negative sense) -- in my Jack Russell Terrorist it means she's ready to go at it with her sister dog. And pecking order will be established whether the humans like it or not. Ideally your dad should be the alpha but his dog thinks she is the alpha, so maybe you need to become the alpha.

Dear "Buffycat,"

We have an almost 14 year old tweenie (not quite mini or standard) Dachshund (who is mostly deaf now). Dogs really need to be trained early on in their lives much like a child needs to be taught how to behave. We have a female too and I've heard several people say male Dachshunds are easier to deal with. Ours barks at everyone even when we go on walks as they are barkers in general. She barks at other walkers and tries to lunge at them. Ours doesn't bite except one time she nipped at another dog (our neighbors in which we were both holding our dogs while we were talking and they ended up face to face so she nipped at the dogs nose).

Also, our Dachshund doesn't like cats either and it may be because she was never really around them and they are so foreign to her when she sees them on our walks. She will even remember that one was in a particular spot and the next night go to the same spot even though the cat isn't even there. Our dog didn't like car rides because it was mainly associated with vet visits. Now, I take her to a park in the car with the window rolled down part way so she is distracted by the scents in the air instead of whining as I use to put her in a crate for safety purposes which only upset her. I just have to drive slower, pull the seat forward as far as it will go so she doesn't have space to fall to the floor. Our dog also, isn't great with small children (we don't have any) so I don't know what other family members you have.

Not sure what his obsession with her is. However, since I don't know his dog's age, it could be he's afraid something will happen to her while he's away and that's why he wants to bring her along with all of you everywhere you go. In other words he can't bear another loss while he's still grieving.

I'm assuming your dad and his dog moved in with you around February/March so I would have thought the dog would be adjusted to her new surroundings by now. It could be she is like our dog, needing to be the only pet in the household. I would love to foster a dog but, know she would not want to share what's been solely hers for 14 years.

I hope you all can either come up with a viable solution or she starts to calm down over time. Good luck!

Hugs! That could not have been an easy discussion.

I think that you are probably not a viable solution for his future housing needs. It is hard for men to listen to their daughters telling them anything, so it is not a battle that should be waged again.

If it doesn't work with sister he needs to go to a facility that allows him to do what he wants and it doesn't affect your household.

I'm afraid I had to ask him to go and live with my sister or get an apartment where he and his dog could live "happily ever after." During our conversation about this it became pretty clear that part of the problem is me telling him what to do. I think the situation is much more complicated than I thought. There is likely a deeper issue with him not being in control of his life anymore and he resents me telling him what to do with his dog.

So, more than one problem. Too messy for me. If it comes down to it, would I be unreasonable in requiring him to see a therapist first, if he wants to come back and stay with me?

The Doxie...I love them, it was my first dog as a child and I currently have 3 mini's.
But...
They are truly German through and through. (I mean no offence to anyone in my next few lines.) My Husband was German. For almost 34 years I called him "My Stubborn Pig-headed German". the dogs are much like that.
they are HOUNDS. They bark. And they like to get the last word in so when you tell them quiet they will bark a few more times!
They are protective of "their people" and are often 1 person dogs. (and typically are not great with young kids) they are also protective of "their" property. And what they see is theirs. So anyone passing by is invading their space.
Get a crate for the dog. It may take a bit of time for the dog to adjust but she will. When she pesters the cats scold her. (sometimes a spray bottle with water in it is a great distraction to get her away from the cats)
Tell dad that it is unsafe for the dog in the car unless it is in a carrier so leave the dog at home. (When I leave I tell mine to "hop in" and they run to their crate, hop in and wait for me to give them a bit of a treat)
Just as you are "training" the dog you will "train" your dad.
It comes down to "MY house MY rules" and if he does not want to play by your rules I suggest on an outing you take him to tour a few Independent or Assisted Living places and let him know that he can choose one.

Petco offers group dog training classes, or you can hire a private trainer and just make the point to your dad that the disruptive behaviors are not only stressing you and your cats but is a sign that his dog is stressed. He can't refuse to go if the trainer comes to you. He will see that training is not about "being mean". I totally get your frustration: my 91-yr old mom (who lives next door to me) allows her dog to bark at passersby. We finally got her a bark collar which only vibrates when barking occurs -- it just startles the dog, thereby snapping it out of its aggitated mental state. It doesn't hurt the dog. Her dog has learned to not bark at all when the collar is on but it will still bark when it's off. You can find them on amazon.com.

Pets are a source of emotional comfort. Especially after a loss. Separating them now would be cruel. They have thos kids playyard that can be configured in different sizes. Put one around the area where Dad and the dog are. Or put up a baby gate if you can to keep the dog out of the cats way, or even better on a room where the cats can go to get away, since they can jump over.

Most of those behaviors seem like typical dog behavior, especially If both the dogs and cats hadn't been around each other before. Extra treats and a room for the cats that is dog free will go a long way.

You are all getting used to a new situation. He's grieving, he's got a new routine, and new home, and we are in a pandemic that restricts our usual outlets. You are getting used to someone else in your place, and a cat person getting used to a dog. As long as the dog is house trained, and not aggressive like biting, he's probably doing as best as he can. Dogs grieve too, and he lost a parent, and a home, and is living with cats that dont want to play!

I predict that things will settle down in time. The dog will get used to new smells, and new sounds and barks less.....but will probably not ever not bark at all, that's just a dog. The cats will figure out that a few claws will make the annoying dog back off. And everyone can go back to usually ignoring each other.

Give it 6 months and see where you're at. Plenty senior residences allow dogs, at least up to a certain size. Lots of people have dogs and cats in my moms Independent/Assisted living. They walk them or hire someone to do it. Dad might be ready for his own space by then.

One thing that I would encourage you not to do, yell. When you yell at a barking dog they think they are being joined by you and it reinforces the behavior.

Ssshhhhhh! Very commanding and snapping your fingers will teach them to be quite much quicker.

My mom has loud, obnoxious dogs and she doesn't want them corrected. I just correct them and let her be mad. I don't ever yell and I would never touch them, other than to get their attention, like tapping them on the shoulder and shooshing them. I always tell them good girl when they comply with the command.

I agree with Pamzi that they are both grieving and trying to figure it out. But I think now is the time to enforce good behavior in both of them. Telling the dog to be nice when dealing with the cats is completely acceptable and you should explain to dad that everyone has to feel safe or the situation is not going to work and the cats lived there 1st and they will not be treated badly by anyone. It is unfair.

Try dealing with the dog by being quiet yet firm with your commands, follow up with a special treat that she only gets when she gets it right. She is obviously food motivated and that is a HUGE plus. I would do something like hot dogs or beef jerky or whatever she loves in tiny bites, bribery works and I encourage it to make friends with the dog and teach her that listening to you has big rewards.

Explain to dad that dogs feel safer when they know their place in the pack and it is actually cruel to let her flounder trying to figure it out. You are the ALPHA now and dad is an underdog as is his dog, once she figures that out she will be happier. Obviously don't tell him that he is no longer top dog but, you know and show the dog, she will get it.

Best of luck!

Geaton777 suggested what I was going to suggest:  dog behavioral training.

I’m absolutely positive that this won’t be popular, but surely someone has to say it? The dog unfortunately goes missing. You and your Dad are both more important than the dog. The three of you plus the cats aren’t going to be happy living together. Toughen up and get real!

Oh boy, i may be going to be unpopular here,, but here I go anyways. Both the dog and your dad lost a loved one few months ago, and they both got moved into a new home, with new people and cats.. They are both getting used to a new routine, and perhaps they both ( or at least the dog) feel like they may be not actually welcomed. The small dog barks, and is getting used to new noises and places, and she whines and begs for food. Wow, that part sounds like my small dog! She barks at strange sounds,, she thinks she is protecting us. She is also a table begger because mom slips her treats, possible your dad and his partner did also. The pup may just be acting as she always did, and I get that she is his "baby",, my dog is our baby too. My hubs likes to take our puppers everywhere too, actually alot of places are dog friendly these day.
I understand about the cats., we also have cats, and they are a totally different kind of pet! Quiet and normally clean. You mentioned the pup eating cat vomit? What is that about? My cats never vomit in the house, why are they vomiting? The poor dog had probably never seen that before and dogs are more curious about things in my opinion. She did back off when you told her too, so she has some manners. Maybe don;t yell, just talk sternly?
Please go gently with dad and puppers, they are dealing with alot of changes ( as are you I know). The dog will settle in if she feels welcome and safe.

The entire problem, unfortunately, is that he is not remotely open to retraining her and won't let me do it, either. When she barks and/or whines, his response is almost always "Well, that's what she does." He truly doesn't see that any of it is a problem. If that's what his baby wants to do...

I truly believe that he has a psychological issue. The dog is his security blanket and no one is allowed to be "mean" to her, such as yelling at her to stop. Just 2 minutes ago she came dashing over within 5 seconds to lap up a pile of cat vomit and I yelled at her to stop and clapped my hands. She stopped instantly but he got mad at me for yelling at her. I am seriously surprised he hasn't bought a "therapy dog" certificate and vest off the internet so he can carry her around in a tote bag with him wherever he goes. I really believe he's walking that fine line right now. Is it possible to do anything with people this far gone?

Both of my cats have gotten to the point they would rather live outside than be inside with her. Its killing me. I will not lose my cats and I'M walking the fine line of asking him to move out, but I don't think any apartment complex or retirement facility will put up with his dog.

Since his dog important to him, try to develop a separate relationship with the dog...give treats, pet separately at a different time away from your dad...separate the cats for a time with a different room or use a baby gate..pet or give treats to the dog & cat at same time to help them adjust...try a calming collar for the dogs and/or cats..calming diffuser or sprays...life changes are hard on people and pets, too..good luck..

How old is his dog? You may try to explain to your dad that the behaviors means the dog is stressed and anxious, his dog isn't happy -- maybe this will motivate him to start retraining it. If he seems open to this, I recommend Cesar Milan's Dog Whisperer series (I think it's on Netflix). I have followed his system with my own very stubborn Jack Russell shorty and it's very informative and logical. I strongly recommend exercising the dog every day for it's own physical and mental health. This will also lay good groundwork before any retraining practices. Cesar makes the point that it's the humans that are really being retrained ;-)

Oh boy, this is an unnerving situation. I suppose that you have to keep setting boundaries.

I don’t know what I would do. It’s a shame that the dog behaves this way. It is a burden for you to have to tote the dog around.

I wouldn’t like him tormenting your cats. How do your cats react to the dog?