I used to be on this forum and found it very helpful. I am now dealing with a drastic need for a change. My mom has been with us full time for the last 3 years. Honestly if I didn’t have my husband I wouldn’t be able to care for her. She lost 7 pounds in the last month and her legs give out all the time. She barely gets up to use the bathroom. She just had her third foot surgery. She had big toe 2018, bone side of her foot 2022 and hammer toe 2025. I hate that my husband retired in 03/24 and all he does is take care of us. The last year I have been put on palliative care myself double pneumonia hospital 11’out of 30 days in January. He is amazing and it’s not fair to him or anybody. He does laundry, dishes, cleans her bed which is soaked at times and he actually has to pull her bowl movement out of the toilet (at times it doesn’t go down) and he drives us everywhere because I can’t lift her. I actually relapsed after 10 years of sobriety. My brother has been out of the picture since 2018 and I understand why. She can’t grasp reality and she makes everything about herself this has been true all along. She also doesn’t understand that she is never going to live in her home again or on her own. She refuses to clean up things to make it easier for me instead she keeps holding on to everything. I guess I need to vent. Her insurance doesn’t require a hospital stay prior to going to a snf. Even for a little bit but then she does guilt trips. What would be considered medically necessary for snf? She can barely walk, incontinence, diabetes, congestive heart failure and more. She has her mind. I have had doctors tell her that she needs to go so now when she gets sicker she refuses to go to the hospital. Or even respite care for a few days. I don’t know what to do anymore
You are going to have to put your foot down and tell your mom that she is moving and that is that. Get your husband to help you stay the course on this, lest you become a statistic yourself.
Let her guilt, you didn't do anything to feel guilty about, she did and is causing this move by her refusal to make this easier on you.
You can do this, you can rescue you and your husband from the bondage you are under. She doesn't need to understand, agree or feel okay about going into a facility. If she gets ugly, call the law and have her baker acted, you HAVE to save yourself or she will drown you to prop herself up.
May The Lord give you strength, courage and wisdom to enact change immediately!